Silent tears (Lostboy & Jambrains)

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LostBoy

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« on: May 06, 2018, 12:20:29 AM »
Hi everyone,

So I’m very excited to announce that Jambrains & I have joined forces in a songwriting partnership and have called our band “Sky Lanterns” (no, not because we’re on fire!! ;D but because we have no clue where we’re going!!  ;D ;D)

This is our second song “Silent tears”.  Jam had an old backing track lying around for years that he wanted to salvage. I wrote some lyrics and here we are...it’s actually a sequel to my own song “Phantom Love” and I’ve been wanting to write this one for ages.

Songwriting can be excellent therapy! :)

All thoughts are very welcome...

https://soundcloud.com/sky_lanterns/silent-tears

Lyrics
Through a window of a memory
I can see us laugh together on that rusty swing
Little did I know that those were literally the days
And you’d go, never to be seen again

I tried so many years to hide it
Couldn’t numb the pain
It’s hard to let you go
With all your blood running through my veins
So I decided I would try and find ya
In spite of everything...but no.

In the meantime, I wrote a song
Pulled my heart out of my chest
Called it phantom love
Oh, but barely had the pen left the paper
When I received a letter, telling me, they found you, but sorry
You died just three months before

Oh I tried so many years to hide it
Couldn’t numb the pain
It’s hard to let you go with all your blood running through my veins
Oh the irony of being so close, yet so far away

I don’t know how, I’m supposed to feel, it changes by the moment.

I tried so many years to hide it
Couldn’t numb the pain
It’s hard to say goodbye when you were never there anyway
Maybe I’m a fool for dreaming we were something I could save.

It’s all too late,we’ll never know,perhaps it’s for the best.

Now I’ve got a little boy of my own
And if there’s one thing that you taught me
I won’t let him go....

Katie Wilson

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« Reply #1 on: May 06, 2018, 08:57:58 AM »
@LostBoy 
Hi I think there's some lovely lyrics in here to many to many to mention really can touch  with this on quite a few levels -loving someone who doesn't even realise

I think your voice is really Terriffic hitting some high notes
I thought it got better as it went on - but that's me I'm a bit impatient and it hung a bit in  the early verse but that's me -  it was sung so well

Lovely story really struck a chord - not really my kind of thing but there were some parts of this lyrically that I loved xxx

Sterix

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« Reply #2 on: May 06, 2018, 09:37:30 AM »
@LostBoys @Jambrains

Another lovely song. Like the way it builds and the lyrics are poignant. This could be the start of a beautiful collaboration!

Movin Flavour

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« Reply #3 on: May 06, 2018, 05:39:46 PM »
Good song.

Always like piano and great singing.

Has hints of Sam Smith.

Well done


Sandeep

Mikey

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« Reply #4 on: May 06, 2018, 07:49:39 PM »
Guys, this is great, nice pomp-rock sound to it, I like the way it builds, and there is a nice guitar solo in the middle, and it tails off nicely towards the end. The only small thing I wasn't sure about is the change in the drumming pattern when the solo comes in, but having listened again it does work.

great job, I hope you do some more like this, Mikey

AntManB

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« Reply #5 on: May 07, 2018, 02:16:04 AM »
Really nice song - definitely heartfelt and the emotion really comes through.

The only thing I might suggest reworking are the lines:

"Oh, but barely had the pen left the paper
When I received a letter, telling me, they found you, but sorry
You died just three months before"

It feels a bit strained, trying to fit too much into the verse and maybe a bit too literal.  Everything else flows really well though - I'm just nitpicking :)

AMB



lillypilly

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« Reply #6 on: May 07, 2018, 03:17:27 AM »
Nice collaboration, what I liked about it was the words were simple and to the point, so well done

CaliaMoko

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« Reply #7 on: May 07, 2018, 05:20:48 AM »
Oh, so nice. I don't have much to nit pick and what I have is definitely merely nit picky stuff. Like, I'm sure you seen me mention enunciation before, like "Let shoe go". You have a few of those, but I'm pretty sure most people won't care, and I probably have OCD.

The only word change I would suggest is one word in this line: "So I decided I would try and find ya". I would change "and" to "to" (So I decided I would try to find ya), as it's a bit more, umm, exact or correct. But again, most people won't care. So, like I said. All I have are little nit picky things.

And I love the song. I can't wait to hear what you do next, and I'm going to look for your first collaboration so I can hear it, too.

Vicki

adamfarr

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« Reply #8 on: May 07, 2018, 06:40:41 AM »
It's a great colab - I think you both bring different skills and ideas. The rusty swing is a great small detail which I think is great for making it memorable and relatable. I usually don't like songs about songwriting - sometimes it seems a bit hard to relate to - but I liked that part too.

Being critical I felt the lines "I don’t know how, I’m supposed to feel..." and "It’s all too late,we’ll never know" stuck out a bit as not being very poetic in comparison with the rest - they sound quite "factual". But sometimes you need to get the message over (and I don't have much to suggest!)

Lovely music you two make including the guitar solo which is impressive indeed.

Skub

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« Reply #9 on: May 08, 2018, 12:38:03 PM »
Yo you two.

Grats on the partnership,Leo and Johan. If this song is anything to go by,it'll be a productive pairing.  :)

The lovely piano,joined with Leo's fine voice makes it an instant grabber for me.

The build up works just fine,taking it up step by step. I wasn't sure,at first,of the overlap with Leo's voice and Johan's lead,but on further listens I think you got away with it!  :D

Lyrics tell a story of how kids can carry stuff for a lifetime. Events really do make us what we are.

A fine song.  8)

PaulyX

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« Reply #10 on: May 08, 2018, 10:52:10 PM »
Beautifully sung and produced.  I thought the lyrics were very intriguing, it didn't feel like a straight love song to me... more about brothers separated as children?  I think the "your blood running through my veins" line made me think it was about family, and the little boy reference at the end made me conclude it was about a brother.  Like Adam I found the rusty swing image really evocative too.
It's very show-tuney and dramatic I thought, as if it was written for the stage?  Maybe not my usual cup of splosh in isolation but as part of a story arc it would be brilliant.  Now you need to write the rest of the musical!
It's all too beautiful.

montydog

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« Reply #11 on: May 09, 2018, 03:29:49 PM »
Hi Guys,

This is a very powerful,beautifully sung piece of music. The writing is generally excellent although I agree with AntmanB and Adam that those bits are a little clunky and overused compared to the rest of the writing which is refreshingly honest and true. The playing and arrangement throughout are first class - a great collab. What a voice you have whoever of you is singing lead - that sells the song to me straight away.

M

LostBoy

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« Reply #12 on: May 11, 2018, 10:18:47 PM »
@katiewilson @sterix @skub @montydog @adamfarr @caliamoko @lillypilly @AntManB @Mikey @Paulyx @movinflavour

Thanks so much for your excellent feedback guys and gals, we really appreciate it.  :)

@Paulyx You were close mate. It’s actually a father & son thing. ;)

mickyplankton

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« Reply #13 on: May 12, 2018, 03:21:26 PM »
Excellent song chaps. Lyrically it's very powerful. Like Paulx I thought it was about a sibling. But just as powerful as the father/son set up. Very hard to recommend any way it could be better. As would expect from these two collaborators the production is spot on. Cheers Micky

Mike67

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« Reply #14 on: May 13, 2018, 07:53:56 AM »
I had mother and son, but close. Really enjoyed this power ballad, and it looks like this collab is going to work. Nice story to the lyrics, and some really great lines in there. Song was performed perfectly and with feeling. Outro was spot on. Well done, and looking forward to hearing more. Follow in on SC.