[Johnnyuk]

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[Wicked Deeds]

Hey Johnny,  your lyrics seem to be about the loss of a child.  They made me feel very uncomfortable.  Many years ago my wife had an ectopic pregnancy then 3 miscarriages. Several years of IVF followed and then surgery before our children eventually arrived.  That was a time of terrible sadness but I'm sure not as painful as losing a child. 

Wicked Deeds

[Johnnyuk]

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[Mike67]

And all in one go? Amazing when lyrics flow like that, and I can't find fault. Words like these come from a deep place, so I'd be tempted to stick with what you've got, subject to scanning. Looking forward to hearing it. Going to be a something special I think.

[Johnnyuk]

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[Katie Wilson]

Very moving and sad - hard hitting but usually I think the best lyrics do come from personal experiences

[Johnnyuk]

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[Misanthropist]

And all in one go? Amazing when lyrics flow like that, and I can't find fault. Words like these come from a deep place, so I'd be tempted to stick with what you've got, subject to scanning. Looking forward to hearing it. Going to be a something special I think.

Hi Tfz,
I think you can relate to what i am going to say next. I had tears rolling down my face as i put this basic idea together. So for me that was a massive sign that i have hit on something so should work on developing it. It takes a lot for me to feel a lyric and get lost in it but this one did it for me. I have a bad sore throat at the moment so i am pissed off. lol I wanna sing but i can't. It is annoying. This demo is going to be piano based initially but i think that toward the end strings and bass will kick in as the singer gets angrier and angrier over his loss so when he is quiet the music will be quiet and as he gets angry the music will get louder to support him etc. And for me who knows this person who it is about that anger is what i want to express. Fingers crossed i will get close to what i have in my head on this one.
This poor guy has never been the same since that day sadly.
Thanks for the feedback on it.
I am gonna save everyones comments on it and have them at the top of my lyrics page as i work on it to remind me and keep me focused on it's message.
Thanks.
Johnny

very sad indeed...a few lines from me :

this can't be happening

oh yes but I know it did

it's the day of reckoning

chuck gods in the street

our pain is beckoning

when love's in retreat

[adamfarr]

Johnny - a tough one for sure.
The main feeling I get is anger, and that's an art in itself.


I usually like things to be more poetic and less direct - so I would consider keeping the reveal back for a while and not going so soon with the "child goes away" line. Also, is there a way of conveying to me as a listener how it could feel to really be in this situation (maybe using other senses, internal feelings)?


Have a think about POV as well - in v1 and 2 we have you as the "girl" and in v3 and 4 you is the (questionable) God. I warmed most to v3 (look what you've done): I might even consider opening with this, telling the story and then closing with it as well as it has a different impact when we know the context.


Good luck with wherever you take it!

[dasntn]

Hi Johnny

a very powerful and sad lyric. Feel like it moves from quiet sadness to anger at the loss of a child; asking the child why she went, and then raging at God for taking her - very moving.

Dave

[Johnnyuk]

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[Johnnyuk]

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[Johnnyuk]

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[Johnnyuk]

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