[Katie Wilson]

This is a rap song about my brother

James's fist through the widow - I can still see
you'd think after all these years-  I'd be free
Right on , right on , right on , right on

It started when - he was fourteen
It was nothing like - I'd ever seen
My god , my god , my god , my god

my mum and dad - didn't know what to do
the older he got - the worse it grew
temper , temper, temper , temper

It's been so long - but my minds not free
that's why I want to be her - and not he
Mental, mental , mental , mental

Sometimes I take a bottle - and cut myself
It's because I can't blame -no one else
my fault , my fault , my fault , my fault

I'm afraid to me -that men are scum
because of the way - he treated my mum
Bruises , bruises , bruises , bruises

James's fist through the window- I can still see
just after that - it was the TV
Stop it , stop it , stop it , stop it

I wanted to cry- but the tears wouldn't come
so inside me - I stated to run
No men , no men , no men , no men

Even now - when I hear glass smash
it brings me up- in a nervous rash
memories , memories , memories , memories

I'm afraid - that it's all far to deep
and the damage done - is mine to keep

James's fist - the through the window
and then on on my mum
changed me forever
and I'm still -on the run

[CaliaMoko]

Very clear images...tells the story with impact. Some bits could possibly be less wordy, which could give them more impact. For instance, maybe "that's why I want to be her - and not he" could be "so I want to be her - and not he". That preference might be driven, though, by my aversion to the phrase "that's why" that is used incessantly in TV ads. And that might be the only example, actually.

There are a couple spots where I think it would feel stronger if the words were switched around. Like:

"James's fist through the widow - I can still see"
If the last phrase was "I still can see", the strong beats would alternate with the weak beats: I STILL can SEE, which, to me, feels like it has more impact.

Hmmm, I thought there was another one of those, but now I can't find it. Maybe I was just seeing the same thing again, when it occurs later.

Anyway, that's all I see. Overall, very strong lyric, in my opinion.

Vicki

[Katie Wilson]

Hi thanks Vicki yes there was another song like this maybe it's just something that I need to get out my system X x