[David Christy Jones]

Long time no post on my part. I've had a real writers slump over the winter months; this is the first song I've penned since Idle Johnny in about November.
I'd absolutely love to know your thoughts on it. Oh, and just in case anyone is wondering, the tuning is BEBEBE. I took the inspiration of style from Nick Drake, and the tuning also.

https://soundcloud.com/user-534764711/white-vans

Lyrics:

V1:
Time to put on your mask
To hide when they get back.
You can't hide from me,
And I can't hide from you.
We got what we could and ran,
Now I'll always be wary of white vans.
You can't run from me,
And I can't run from you.

Ch1:
The fractals in our eyes,
With time will atrophy...
But we'll always have their glow,
Drilled into our bones.

V2:
They may call us lying scum,
Exaggerate what has been done...
But do we really care
If they eat themselves alive?
Their poison is a gift,
A strong adhesive.
Now together,
We fight as one.

Ch2:
The spirals in our eyes,
With time will slow and die.
But I'll never let them go.
I want you to know,
That should I ever go,
It was you who kept me alive.

[PaulyX]

LOVE the lyrics mate, nicely cryptic, really set me thinking, trying to work out what it is about.  Some great turns of phrase like "The fractals in our eyes" - love that, plus the sinister referencing of "white vans" - don't know what it signifies but it's impactful none the less.
It's really well played and recorded too.  Sounds very intimate.
If I can have one crit it's that it sounds more like 4 verses than 2 verses and 2 choruses to me.  4 very good verses so I'm still a happy bunny!  But I think that's because the vocal melody starts on the same note in the choruses and in the verses. Maybe lift the melody at the start of the choruses?  Jump an octave?  Just a thought.
Impressive heavyweight songwriting though.

[David Christy Jones]

LOVE the lyrics mate, nicely cryptic, really set me thinking, trying to work out what it is about.  Some great turns of phrase like "The fractals in our eyes" - love that, plus the sinister referencing of "white vans" - don't know what it signifies but it's impactful none the less.
It's really well played and recorded too.  Sounds very intimate.
If I can have one crit it's that it sounds more like 4 verses than 2 verses and 2 choruses to me.  4 very good verses so I'm still a happy bunny!  But I think that's because the vocal melody starts on the same note in the choruses and in the verses. Maybe lift the melody at the start of the choruses?  Jump an octave?  Just a thought.
Impressive heavyweight songwriting though.

Perhaps I shouldn't have put it in the finished songs cateogry, because I do actually have more plans for this one
I've got a flute solo in mind for the instrumental mid-8. I also have a bowed double bass and cello in the works for it too. Hopefully that might bring out that extra melodic dimension you were referencing. Cheers for the lovely comment man!

[rightly]

A rare and classy song.
Lyrically and musically really good.

I'm always fascinated with alternate tuning. I don't do it myself.
The softness of the voice is misleading with its consoling tones, this isn't a bad thing, makes it all the more interesting.

Well done mate.

[cowparsleyman]

David

Welcome back, you were sorely missed, keep playing Hamster..

Very tasty song, beautifully performed and executed, I think Paulyx touched on something, it might benefit from having some inversions in the melody LVox line, maybe...

I hear the arrangement could be more Vox rather than more instruments, maybe like 'More than words' by Extreme...prod sounds fine.

Classy stuff.

cpm

[MichaelA]

What a lovely texture to that guitar playing, then with your vocal style and tone, it is almost as you have found the perfect partner for your voice with that guitar. Man and machine in perfect harmony - someone should make that a slogan!

Very listenable and there aren't many guitar players who can play 1+1 and make you realise you don't want to hear any other embellishments. Very good sir! A delicate pleasure!

[Bill Saunders]

Hi David

Very nicely played, and sung. I think this is a lovely song. I have to say that I like the fact that I don't really know what it's about - the lyrics work really well, create a mood, and I don't need to know anything more.

I jotted down whilst listening that I didn't think there was quite enough distinction between verses and choruses - then read PaulyX's comments which are similar in that regard. Interesting that you are still thinking of developing - a flute solo could be absolutely awesome. Really good stuff.

[redrhodie]

I want to know what it's about, but I'm glad I don't. Sounds heavy. Guitar picking sounds pretty. I think it might be good to switch to a really hard and dynamic strumming during the choruses. I think that variation might add something cool. You voice and singing are beautiful. Liked this a lot.

[diademgrove]

Hi David,

long time since I reviewed. My ears have been full of wax. They are slowly recovering.

The song is well played and I like the dark lyrics. Sorry but the music isn't really my thing. I can only listen to Nick Drake is short bursts and I need to be in the mood.

Sorry again,

Keith