[Sterix]

I was listening to Avalanche earlier (by LostBoy and Jambrains - cracking song) and it got me in the writing mood. So I knocked up this song and it's definitely influenced by it (the chorus has got the same kind of upbeat tempo to it - it's a lot "brighter" than the subject matter implies). It's only the first draft (only spent about 15 minutes writing it - and half of that stuck on one line).

I'm not sure which title to go for. I liked the "When the darkness comes" one when I started writing the chorus. But then the chorus lent itself to the "Come back home to you" one that is repeated. Any thoughts/preferences on that?

Feedback most welcome. Like I said, this is a 15-minute first draft.


VERSE
I looked into my eyes
And kissed my dreams goodbye
The man beyond the mirror
Is a man about to die
I look into the past
To dreams that never last
The time we spent together
And the moments that we had

BRIDGE
Do you look down on me and want to heal the pain?
I can't help feeling that we live this life in vain

CHORUS
And when the darkness comes
And steals away the sun
There's nothing left to do
But come back home to you
To be back in your arms
To heal these lonely scars
It's all that I can do
To come back home to you
Oooh oooh oooh ooooh....

VERSE
I know I'm giving in
But that's the way it is
I'm holding on to one hope
That I'll see you yet again
Beyond this fragile world
That you are somehow there
This shell of mine is hollow
And my life is cold despair

BRIDGE
Do you look down on me with those same soulful eyes
And whisper that you wait for me for all of time?

CHORUS
And when the darkness comes
And steals away the sun
There's nothing left to do
But come back home to you
To be back in your arms
To heal these lonely scars
It's all that I can do
To come back home to you
Oooh oooh oooh ooooh....
Oh oh oh ohhhh...
Oooh oooh oooh oooh...

INSTRUMENTAL

PART CHORUS
And when the moment comes
And I must cut and run
Will you be waiting there?

CHORUS
And when the darkness comes
And steals away the sun
There's nothing left to do
But come back home to you
To be back in your arms
To heal these lonely scars
It's all that I can do
To come back home to you

CHORUS
And when the darkness comes
And steals away the sun
There's nothing left to do
But come back home to you
To be back in your arms
To heal these lonely scars
It's all that I can do
To come back home to you

CHORUS
And when the darkness comes
And steals away the sun
There's nothing left to do
But come back home to you
To be back in your arms
To heal these lonely scars
It's all that I can do
To come back home to you-oooh
Oooh oooh oooh ooooh....
To you-oooh
Oooh oooh oooh oooh...

I'll come back home to you...

[Darren1664]

These are very well put together! Flow really well to me and the structure and theme is there and consistent through out! I don't have any criticism ...I think these are ready to go to music! Some editing might be needed depending on melody

Great write....and for 15 minutes :O!

Oh and I vote for When the Darkness Comes...I like it and it's leads to the coming home part