One Heart Whole

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rightly

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« on: April 02, 2018, 06:18:38 PM »
Yesterday and today I've been  at it again.
I wrote this song, with
music and other ideas too.
I think I'm quite happy with it but it's still at a stage where things can be changed.
So tips or feedback would be most welcome.


One Heart Whole

there's a warm breeze
and many ways to survive
 take your worries
and hang them out to dry
hear me if I'm not mistaken
       forgive me all I know
 many loves must be forsaken
     to make just one heart whole

   to make just one heart whole
   
    your wily ways
  all these secrets and lies
should have no place
     in your heart or mine
 any thorn can be misleading
   and discolour the rose
 left alone, distraught and needy
leave me anything but broke

     to make just one heart whole

drop all defense, discard pretense
     relinquish resistance, be still

  hear me if I'm not mistaken
      forgive me all I know
 many loves must be forsaken
      to make just one heart whole

leave me anything but broke
         to make just one heart whole

   there's a warm breeze and there are so many ways to
                         survive
   
 



I made some minor alterations.
The music is coming along nicely.
This might be the closest I've got to writing "a lurve song".
New territory for me.  :D

« Last Edit: April 07, 2018, 10:34:03 AM by Rightly »
It's either this or that, then again it might be the other. 

I can promise you a future of slow decline.

Don't eat the yellow snow

And there you have it. 

https://soundcloud.com/2rightly

https://soundcloud.com/rightly

adamfarr

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« Reply #1 on: April 05, 2018, 11:21:27 AM »
Rightly - really enjoyed this, intelligent but not over-clever and very relatable.

"any thorn can be misleading   
and discolour the rose"

is a great line. As is the "many loves" title line. I think this could be a really good one!

rightly

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« Reply #2 on: April 07, 2018, 10:39:56 AM »
Rightly - really enjoyed this, intelligent but not over-clever and very relatable.

"any thorn can be misleading   
and discolour the rose"

is a great line. As is the "many loves" title line. I think this could be a really good one!

Thanks for commenting Adam.
I know exactly what you mean with intelligent but not over clever.  ;D
I'm sensitive to that too. It's all too easy to write poor lyrics.
It's either this or that, then again it might be the other. 

I can promise you a future of slow decline.

Don't eat the yellow snow

And there you have it. 

https://soundcloud.com/2rightly

https://soundcloud.com/rightly