Hi,
You have a great voice 100%. I didn't watch the video as i did not want to be distracted from the song.
Once the song had finished tbh i did not know what it was about or it's message.
Sound wise everything was there. Great recording with a crystal clear vocal.
Again for me it is down to the lyric. For me when you hit the chorus there was no resolution, nothing in it to me imo said this is what my song is about and here is it's message.
So i would consider revisiting your lyrics to make sure that when you hit your chorus it is patienly clear what your songs message is because in all honesty no matter how well the music is played or the melody is sung if the message of a song is unclear lyrically it will always be unclear.
For a moment lets say that you and me met in the real world over a coffee and during that conversation you said to me... Your like a shadow that haunts me through the night...
A silhouette man chasing waiting to strike.
How do you think i would respond to that? I would say... what?
That is what i mean about it not being clear enough lyrically.
I hope this helps.
Johnny
Thanks Johnny i do love to hear other peoples opinion very much.
I can see where your coming from too but i disagree, personally i don't think a song needs to give a clear message all of the time.
Its mysterious and can leave the listener wondering and perhaps wanting more and a reason they will come back to it.
Hi Chris,
You have a wonderful singing voice and the music is rock solid in this production. Like i said it was the lyric in the chorus that i felt the resolution was lacking.
I would also like to add that it is not what you think about your song that is important at this stage tbh. It is all about the listener and what they think. Otherwise you would not be posting your song in here for feedback etc...
Leaving a listener wondering might work for a few die hard fans but for the rest of us they will simply click off your song and wander onto someone elses song.
Remember that you are trying to sell your songs story/message to the listener so it isn't about what you think your song means etc, it is for those listening from their point of view to decide what your song means.
If they do not get your songs message then you have two choices. Either ignore what they are saying or do something about it.
A good way to get a clear understanding about your songs lyrics on here for instance would be to ask everyone here what they think this songs message is all about?
Because right now no one has posted in here and said what a great message your song has in here.
And the reason why is because as mysterious as it is it fails to give resolution
in it's current form.
As i read through your lyrics this is what i was getting from them...
The first verse drew me in, some very descriptive lyrics. You painted a great picture of some lone cowboy type of guy being stalked by a bounty hunter. All of that was crystal clear to me.
Mysterious and obscure can work very well in songs 100% BUT the big difference is those very obscure songs we have all come to love still have resolution in them.
Your chorus didn't give me imo resoltuion.
Please note that your chorus has only two lines in it.
Why did you only allow two lines of lyrics for your songs entire message???
The most important section of your song/chorus/it's message to me simply got over looked.
I don't know of ANY chorus with only two lines in it that is memorable and more importantly sells the story/tells the message clearly to the listener?
The chorus is your songs absolute message for those of us listening to it. Those listening are rooting for you and cannot wait for the chorus to kick in after a great build up from the verse to then tell them what happened! Erm not alot actually.
The entire reason we write a song is to tell our story and it's message so those listening can connect to our song.
Imagine watching a cowboy movie based on the lyrics you have right now for this song.
What we as movie goers will see is a cowboy being followed by a bounty hunter BUT that is all we get to view. There is no showdown, no one dies. all that we get is a guy following another guy for 90 minutes.
Would you honestly go back and watch this movie all over again the next evening???
Your chorus to me could easily be your showdown. Then the next verse you could trick the listener into who got shot and did they die etc until after the final chorus.
I would also consider adding more content about why he is following you and what did you do for him to stalk you like this because you never give us what it was that got this guy hunting you down.
Did you steal his wife or marry his daughter? Rob a bank? What did you do etc?
Your showdown for me must be in your chorus to give the listener resolution and a reason to continue to listen because what happens next?
The potential for your song is huge.
Like i said earlier, give us the listener the resolution that we need to connect to your song because no amount of mystery will ever give that feeling of gratitude/resolution to know who came out on top in this outlaw situation for those listening in it's current form.
Finally the songs length right now is at 5:26 mins. That is way way too long imo especially when you give no resolution to the listener throughout this version of your song so i would shorten it to 3:30 mins which is the sweet spot for those listening.
Johnny