Hi Paul,
I loved this song! The story keeps your interest and the music does a very good job of supporting your vocal.
It and your voice ( i'm guessing it's your vocal here) reminds me of Prefab Sprout. And i love them so it's a win win for me to listen to a song like this.
Feedback wise for this song as i hear it i would get the bass more under control in parts as it is too boomy so a little compression and EQ on it will get that under control for you. Also consider removing bass from the bass. I am not kidding!
I do it all the time between the bass guitar and the bass drum on all my songs. I have them set differently in the EQ to each other. Doing this will help to separate the two in the mix so we hear both clearly all the time and on the plus side your entire mix gets cleaner/clearer so that is something to consider. One thing i noticed was in the first verse. Half way through it you changed musically from a rim shot to a snare drum. I would not do that. I would keep the rim shot in the verses and only bring in the snare drum on your chorus. Doing this will help the listener to know where they are in the song. eg ok we are in the verse ( rim shot playing) then ok we are in the chorus cos the snare drum is now playing. That kinda thing. Plus your verses are softer musically and vocally so the rim shot will help to keep that softness.
Loved listening to this one Paul so i'm gonna add it to my faves on soundcloud. I like the chilled out feel of it too.
I hope that what i have suggested on this song helps you to get the song even stronger for you.
Johnny