[crystalsuzy]

Hi, as a personal story and message....its faultless. And I wish you and your loved one peace..

However, as a structured piece of music I had some challenges (and I totally accept that I might be the problem)

Anyway...these are the critical comments;

The phrasing and tuning in the first part of the song just needs a little work to sit more comfortably with the backing. Its only slight, but it is noticeable. But I liked the melody and also the whistling was just perfect.

For the second part of the song...I think this is by far the strongest musically and melodically.

The other parts were ok but didn't grab me the same way musically.

I personally would focus on making two very strong songs out of this work using the themes from part1 and part2.

None of this advice/criticism means anything compared to the power and intent of your feelings, thoughts and lyrics..which I totally respect and admire.

They are just the thoughts of a pretty conservative, main stream pop kind of guy.

Hope its ok to both fully admire and yet criticise at the same time!

Much love,

PNB.

thanks for so much your honest take on this track PNB  It's totally OK to 'admire and criticize' ay the same time...I really appreciate it 
Every-bodies opinion matters and I totally respect yours. I'm still trying to work this one out, and I really like your idea of using part1 and
part2 to make 2 separate songs
thanks for bringing the phrasing and tuning in the first part, to my attention. I knew something wasn't quite right   

[crystalsuzy]

Hi

I loved the vocal style on this, really dreamy, I tried not to read through the threads so not to colour my thoughts.

For me it sounded like a few different songs put together but hey, I like the fact that you weren't afraid to step outside the box here.

Vocals need a few minor fixes but the style and sound is spot on. I spend ages tuning mine so I am not the best person to comment on this.

Great work.

Ha, made me chuckle ref the track length, our last one was too long.....lol

Thanks again for your kind comments Rich I'm thinking I should maybe make two songs out of this one, but still pondering how to break
 it up Maybe I'll make the 2nd part a song of it's own  a far as stepping out of the box, I don't think I was ever in one LOL!

[crystalsuzy]

Suzy!! One of these days you’ll just post a nice simple affair with you singing while playing a bloody triangle!!!

Kudos to you for writing a tough song from the heart. You have done a fab job mate. Your harmonies throughout were lovely. As always, I admire your creativity & originality.

Great stuff!! 

LOL LB!  Just for you I'm going to post a song with just me singing(which might be hard to take) and a triangle...well maybe one other instrument
Thanks for the kudos and your kind comments Everyone has their crosses to bare and mine just happens to be this one...well one of them anyway It wasn't that difficult to write, but it was a difficult one to post  Kind of exposing myself a bit, but I know it's to a kind and compassionate audience 

[Neil C]

CS, love the ambition and as you say its a difficult subject.
I enjoyed listening to it. Especially the 'I cant take it anymore' and love the whistles.
Thoughts only a question about the structure and juxtaposition between sections, I think the one between 1st section needs to be more integrated. The rest are more joined up. On the structure I think I might drop the 1st section and just leave it to the ending. I not sure musically you have to repeat sections, having 4 or 5 specific interlinked elements would work well for me. Then it would be more powerful, imho
Anyway I dont know how you do this is. 
In awe
 
neil

[crystalsuzy]

Hi,
I loved it. It's already on my soundcloud playlist.
It's gentle and quirky to start off with then it runs into lots of different things.
Personally I'd separate them and let them all shine in their own right.
Great stuff!

Johnny

thanks for sharing this song or songs I'm still trying to decide, if and how, I should split this one up. I appreciate your suggestion and support

[crystalsuzy]

Hi Suzy.

Firstly great respect for writing such a complex heartfelt song with a difficult personal subject matter. I'm writing this review after one listen so this is just based on first impressions. I love each individual element of the song, although the opening and closing sections I think would be stronger with just one lead vocal. The harmonies work well on the other sections but not in these. The second vocal is a bit of a distraction to be honest.
The big big question for me (and this needs repeat listens) is whether the overall song is better than the sum of its parts. I'm not sure it is after one listen.
At present there is a bit of a jolt between sections and this doesn't help the whole for me.
Epic work here regardless.

Cheers Micky

thanks so listening and your kind comments, @mickyplankton  I appreciate your suggestions and I know what you mean about whether or not the whole is better than the sum of its parts I'm still struggling with this one  Can't decide how to break it up

[crystalsuzy]

Hey I really liked this!

I feel like the 'non-repeating' song form is super under-rated and really feels quite casual and intimate for some reason 

Also really enjoy the contrast (for most of the song) between the musical mood and the subject matter; really cool effect

Messager

thanks so much @Messager  I'm glad you like the mini concept EP, even though 'the joining of the sections' needs more work. It definitely has many different moods, but that's exactly how it really is, thus the stream of consciousness vibe

[crystalsuzy]

Blimey!! a concept album in less than 6 mins....my only crit is the joiney bits..they let the song down IMHO...

LOL @shadowfax  I know what you mean about the 'joiney bits' I'm given it a break, but will work on this some more

[crystalsuzy]

I thought this was very touching...and managed to say something that very few writers could manage to do.

There was a lovely feel of lost innocence in here that was quite moving.

Amazing stuff, CS - a real treat listening to this.

And - if you'll pardon the slightly thoughtless pun - a real "Rock" Opera 

thanks for feeling the emotion of this "Rock" opera(I like it) @PaulAds  that's what this one's all about. I'm humbled by your comments