[Jamie]

Hi all, was doodling around with some unusual chord shapes and phrasings, and came up with this demo. My initial thinking was to add another section and a guitar solo and keep it as an instrumental. But now I don't know. Is it harmonically/melodically interesting enough and could it be turned into a lyrical song and work? All constructive comments welcome! Its basically three related chord progressions repeated twice so no real structure or arrangement, just trying to tab my ideas!
https://soundcloud.com/jamie1802/i-mental-2


Cheers
Jamie

[pompeyjazz]

It is harmonically and melodically interesting Jamie and I personally think that you could do this a lot of justice with a slightly dischordant melody. It's got a great psychedelic vibe with some Floyd thrown in to it so personally would work on that as well and maybe some far away BV's

Anyway, just ideas. Hope that helps 

[Robbie S]

Hi Jamie,

Lovely sounds, i especially like the opening sequence, very Radiohead! That could also become you're chorus, the second section sounds great but maybe a bit much going on for a verse vibe, maybe you could simplify it a bit.

The part around 1.00 sounds simpler and could actually make a great verse.

The following sequence 1.28 could make a great bridge and or outro

You have all the elements, Go For It.

I'm hearing angst and melancholy, could be completely wrong though!

[cowparsleyman]

Excellent stuff, really liked it.

cpm

[man of simple pleasures]

def potential in there, very radiohead

[Johnnyuk]

Hi,
I enjoyed the listen.
Advice wise i would look at the tracks in twos to see if anything is clashing with each other and make very small changes to correct it. Once you do that you will see and hear a very smooth sound and clash free.
I really liked your track.
Johnny

[Jamie]

Hello all, and thanks for taking the time to listen! Especially love the Radiohead comments as they are my fave band!Some nice comments about the structure and melody too. Food for thought, thanks guys I'll take this forward!

Cheers
Jamie

[GinaEllen]

I 'm a bit late to the party, I've just joined the forum but just wanted to say that I really enjoyed listening to this, 100% melodically and rhythmically interesting. It reminds me of Radiohead too, one of my favourites also! Looking forward to hearing more on it

[Sterix]

I enjoyed that. It definitely has potential and I could well see it working with lyrics (it's lending itself to something mournful and soul-rending in my head).

[Katie Wilson]

I had a quick go,at some lyrics for it


Bloody Christmas

Verse 1

0.17 seconds

When will it be Christmas time ?
when will the clock Strike time ?
When will I be able to draw a line ?
When will all the teachers leave  ?

0.34
Chorus
I don't know what's happening to me ?
I used to love this time of year ?
Now I just live in fear
of the memories in my head

Verse
When it will be time for bed ?
And everything that needs to be
Have been said
Won't you just leave me alone

Chorus
I don't know what's happening to me ?
I like to love this time of year ?
Now I just live in fear
of the memories in my head

Verse
When will I know it's the end ?
And no longer have to pretend
that I like this time of year
just give me a beer to forget

Chorus
I don't know what's happening to me ?
I like to love this time of year ?
Now I just live in fear
of the memories in my head

[Jamie]

Hi guys, thanks for listening!

Hi Gina E, cool comments , I'm going to start working on this over the next few weeks so we'll see what it becomes (hopefully!)

Hi Sterix, glad you liked it , let's see what happens!

Hi Katie, I've never worked with anyone else's lyrics , but I'll give it a go ! Thanks for making the effort. I presume the timings relate to where  ;Din the recording you see the words fitting? If I can make them work I'll come back to you first before I post the song!

Cheers guys and thanks again!

Jamie