[Robbie S]

Hi there

Please check out my 4th demo track for my project to #WrteAHitSong in 6 months, I'm a third of the way through the mission, the time is flying.

My wife has been having issues with sleep the past few months and that was the inspiration for the song.

I struggled a lot with the lyrics even though I spent a lot of time on them, it is such a different sounding song from the one I started out writing, sure that sounds familiar to some of you.

Personally I think it's got a great opening, good bridge and the chorus good be improved! But I feel I'm getting a better handle on Logic which I only started using 2 months ago.

Instruments used.

Ibanez GIO electric guitar
Sure SM58 microphone
LOGIC Pro

Feedback really helpful going forward...

https://soundcloud.com/user-53270383/insomnia


INSOMNIA

Time
It’s Beating Me Up 
But I’m Fine
Just Out Of Luck

Life
It’s A Ticking Bomb
So Why
Won’t It Stop

Head’s Are Buzzing, Neon Haze
I’m going underground.

I’m Not Sleeping Much
Just Watching The TV Buzz     
Waking Dreams, I Need To Pray
Have I Found The Lost Highway?

Vampires
Knocking At My Door
Share Sweets
Keeps The City Awake

[Johnnyuk]

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[dasntn]

Hi Robbie

this is sounding good, with a lot of potential.
I like the drums, and guitar work, and it's good that you get into the vocal quite quickly, as I think that suits the song.

I think it would be good to signpost the chorus more - maybe add a pre-chorus, or in the arrangement. Also, I would be inclined to leave off the guitar riff first time through the chorus to let the song build more. I think the chorus works fine melodically and lyrically, but you could try enhancing it rhythmically, what I mean is adding drum hits behind SLeePing Much (on the capitalised syllables) and with the voice - just a thought!

As for your project, well “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.” as Norman Peale  (positive thinking author) once said.

cheers
Dave

[Robbie S]

Thanks Johnny & Dave

I take on you're points with respect, though Johnny I believe and many successful song writers have said that in most cases you got to write a lot, lot of songs before you will create something which will reach out and touch the public, so I'm gonna keep bashing out these demos cause I'm learning so much from the experience and growing, though I'm not sure in what direction with every new song!

Dave thanks for the positive energy and quote, really made me smile, I take you're points on board and thanks for you're interest it's appreciated. I'm taking feedback seriously and will be bringing it with me if and when I go ahead and record the track professionally.

[Johnnyuk]

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[delb0y]

I really like this Robbie. It's got a great feel and a nice melody and arrangement. Thumbs up from me.

Lyrically there are two things that I pondered on - one was about the TV buzz. What's that? In the old days, when I were a lad, the TV programmes would finish at midnight and then there was indeed some TV buzz (static). But these days the shows go on 24 hours or more, so I'm pondering on this buzz. It's no biggie though.

The second point was the line about being fine - is the singer fine? The rest of the song suggest not. Again, no biggie.

As I said, I really like it - it reminds me of some of the work of Marcy Playground, not sure if they're still around or not - but check out Poppies. I think you might like it.

Derek

[cowparsleyman]

Robbie

You are really talented as a song writer, in my view you've already written you hit - 'Life is Cheap'

This is an album track, just needs a bit of production tidying, and a decent bridge, good that you added a bit more to the last section to add colour, I think on reflection, a few more BVox tracks, I think they could be a be deeper.

There a guy in the States that can give you some great advice about songs, I'll PM you Robbie with his details.

Regards

cpm

[Robbie S]

Thanks for the feedback,

Derek, the TV is buzzing because he is out of his mind on pills received from the Vampire dealers

and the idea of the singer being in fine is really him pretending everything is OK, like he's playing along
that everything is good he's being sarcastic!

Thanks again Johnny really going to make a more concerted effort on the lyrics on demo track seven.

Again CPM thanks for you're support and feedback, will get back to you on the stem work soon.

[Johnnyuk]

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[Sterix]

Hi Robbie,

Definite potential here.

Unlike a lot of others here with an ear for breaking music down I'm not really qualified to dissect it. I think it needs a little something... but I not sure what! Suppose that's not really helpful... I would say though that the ending is a little abrupt. Not in where it stopped so much as it would have been nice if the guitar at least had held the last note a second or two (fading out sort of thing). Does that make sense?

Lyrically (something I feel more able to comment on) I like them. The "TV Buzz" is fine to me. The only line that really confused me was the "Head's Are Buzzing". Apart from the needless apostrophe (technically you are writing "Head Is Are Buzzing" or "Belonging to Head Are Buzzing" depending on your interpretation of said apostrophe). If it's read as Heads Are Buzzing (I assume this is more what you meant) then it's out of sync with the rest of the lyrics - which is in the singular first person perspective (unless the guy has two or more heads!  )

Overall though, a good song.