[ecasasmusic]

Hi! This is Eduardo from Spain. I am finishing a self-produced album inspired by The Dark Tower book series by Stephen King.

I am working on a song which is called "The Wind Through the Keyhole" and it's inspired by a sort of fairy tale which is explained on the book.

As I am not English native speaker, I have some doubts about certain part of the song. I have used some odd phrasing structure which I think may sound like old poetry but I may be wrong. An example of what I am trying is the title from the poem by Robert Browning "Childe Roland to the Dark Tower came" (that poem was the source of inspiration for Stephen King). I mean that wierd structure "Roland to the DT came" instead of "Roland came to the DT".

So I wonder if it makes some sense, in poetry or in old English, a refrain like this:

"What amazing journey had Tim through the woods.
Swamps full of dangers and creatures he ruled.
Fearless he was to find help for his mum.
A great challenge was at the end of the path."



Thank you in advance for your help.

[Sterix]

Hi Eduardo,

From a poetic standpoint it sounds fine to me (you can get away with a LOT by laying claim to poetic license). Of course, it would be easier to judge seeing the whole instead of the part but there is nothing there that screams out "Wrong!"

My favourite band write most of their lyrics poetically and they do just fine.

[adamfarr]

Hi Eduardo - I think you get the prize for ambition, but I would urge caution with this - it would be a challenge for anyone including native English poets. Twisting the grammar is generally a sign of a desperate or lazy writer (usually a concession to rhyme or scanning and I see that's not the reason here). So, depending on the rest of the song, I think you need to be consistent and deliberately poetic all through to maintain this.

The first two lines do have an epic ring to them - you might be OK there, though "had" is not a poetic word and I think a classical scholar would choose another verb. Again, in the last lines you have the verb "to be" (was x 2) which is really prosaic sounding.

And finally, "Mum" is a real problem - it's so modern and un-epic it feels like it doesn't belong here.

But who knows. It sounds like you're not writing a fluffy song the lyric will be a big part of this and deserves plenty of attention to be the best it can be. Give us the full lyric or demo and I'm sure you'll get useful and honest opinions back...

[ecasasmusic]

Thank you very much to both.

Still working on the song, I will post the whole lyrics later. Thanks.