Blitzkrieg

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pompeyjazz

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« on: February 25, 2018, 05:44:47 PM »
Been busy organising the compilation album and also a bit of FAWMING  :)

Here's one of my FAWM numbers inspired by a visit to my home town of Coventry a few weeks ago.

Boy has that city been mashed up by the developers. I think it's the same as a lot of big cities these days where the centre is taken over by student accommodation.

The ruins of the old Cathedral get me every time there and I wrote this song about the Coventry blitz. My grandparents were bombed out twice and I still have the old clock that my granddad pulled out of the rubble of one of their flattened houses.



Siren sounds evacuation
Women children running startled
Images of broken bodies
Covered in an orange dust
The war of greed where no-one wins
And men machines dehumanised
Minds erased of memories
Fuelled by bad amphetamines

Just want to live our lives
Families and children
Let us live in peace

The bombs came in late November
Pouring down a rain of terror
Molten metal, smoke and sulphur
Lighting up the sky
Fire spread across the city
Some were saved, no more the pity
Trapped beneath the rubble
Only knowing they would die

Nobody asked our opinion
Just want to live our lives
Let us live in peace

Oh the bombers overhead
They're sounding our death knell
Is it them is it you is it me ?
I just can't tell now

Some could never reconcile
The terrors of those fateful nights
Where everything around them
Was savaged and destroyed
Simple few reminders
Of a city's darkest hour
And now fewer can remember
But that city will never die

(c) Bradley – 2018


shadowfax

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« Reply #1 on: February 26, 2018, 09:23:24 AM »
This is an interesting one, :-\..words are really good but not sure the melody works with them, I admire very much that your all over the place genre wise, quite a talent really....
the..just want to live our lives bit sounds a little forced if you catch my drift, I understand this is a FAWM thing so done very quickly but I think this serves to illustrate that there is no point in doing things too quickly, a bit more time honing this song would make a big difference..

best, Kevin :)
« Last Edit: February 26, 2018, 09:27:13 AM by shadowfax »
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from the nightmare!

pompeyjazz

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« Reply #2 on: February 26, 2018, 02:14:42 PM »
I think you've probably hit the nail on the head here @shadowfax I'm not usually short of ideas anyway and I didn't like the FAWM principal. I'm not knocking it as it's a great encouragement to get new ideas out there but what I learned from it is that I don't work best that way  :)

Mrs.Tobi

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« Reply #3 on: February 26, 2018, 06:48:40 PM »
Beautiful song, nice melody, nice voice, congrats

Larsen B

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« Reply #4 on: February 26, 2018, 08:09:09 PM »
Yes a good song, well constructed, but similar to Shadowfax's comment: I like the melody, like the lyrics, but not sure they fit brilliantly together.
I think the 8-line verses are the strongest - good build up at line 4 (e.g. "lighting up the sky")
BTW -what is FAWM?

Paulski

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« Reply #5 on: February 27, 2018, 02:13:52 AM »
Hi John

Different again from you - you are a chameleon my friend.
This is a brooding piece - love the piano (of course I would) and the vocals.
Not 100% sold on the chorus melody or chorus lyric. I think if it had a better hook there it would be golden.

Ignore me at your peril leisure.  :D :D
Paul

Katie Wilson

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« Reply #6 on: February 27, 2018, 09:00:44 AM »
Hi John , doesn't really work for me as a combination , good lyrics but I felt that for me they needed a bit more energy in the melody a bit more anger - I don't know nothing but that's just how I felt - it didn't really click for me -as I say good lyrics but the melody didn't work for me

From my own writing point of view I feel a sense of anarchic bitterness in this so I can imagine an angry Johnny rotten singing it or a cynical Terry hall (from Coventry ) singing it

But what do I know just sharing my thoughts hope,that's ok

mickyplankton

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« Reply #7 on: February 28, 2018, 09:51:17 PM »
Hi Pompey.

It doesn't quite rank with your very best songs, but there is still a lot to admire here. Piano probably is the best element. Like the others I was not completely sold on the chorus. I think it would work better if you spoke the chorus rather than sing it. Or shorten the delivery. It feels like you are stretching the delivery a bit too much I think you sing really well overall in this but again an angrier, more acidic delivery might be better.

PaulyX

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« Reply #8 on: March 02, 2018, 08:05:52 PM »
Hey John
From your commentary I thought you'd written a song comparing urban developers to the Blitz rather than the Blitz itself.  (That'd be a great idea for a song... write that one next?)
As it is I still liked a lot in the track - I liked the instrumentation a lot (was there a trickling distant piano mixed quite low?).  Your voice & delivery is great as usual.  It's not the hookiest piece you've ever written but has a subtlety about it - it's hard to pigeon hole or pin down, which I think is a good thing.  Some powerful images in the lyrics: the orange brick dust leapt out to me... it felt like a detail only someone who was actually there would pick up on.  (I know you weren't but you get my point).
It's all too beautiful.

pompeyjazz

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« Reply #9 on: March 02, 2018, 11:18:25 PM »
Yep. Sorry about the defects on this track as it was a FAWMster.I should really have posted in wip to be honest  :)

Neil C

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« Reply #10 on: March 05, 2018, 10:27:48 PM »
John,
Thought we were going to have some glam rock with the title!
Liked the lyrics and verses all worked well with the chords, melody and vocals. If I had a question it was more around the chorus which musically felt a bit lightweight and could do with some guitars, strings and backing vocals to make it more memorable and hooky.   
Love the fact you've got their clock. I've got my grandma's matter of fact wartime diary, they lived in Plymouth. My dad was evacuated for a while, they had an bomb shelter and the house 2 down was completed destroyed and the occupants died...

 :)
neil
 
songwriter of no repute..

pompeyjazz

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« Reply #11 on: March 05, 2018, 11:07:55 PM »
Yep. Thanks Neil.It was a fawm song so I'm going to give it a bit of attention when I get some time

Skub

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« Reply #12 on: March 05, 2018, 11:25:59 PM »
Yo pomps.

I listened to this one a while ago on soundcloud and forgot to comment on here. Soz man.

I liked parts of the song,but overall I think it reflects the rushed aspect that FAWM must be and as such sounds unfinished and not up to your normal high standard.I wouldn't want to work that way,I'd end up with an even bigger pile of pish than usual.  :D

Lyrically it has great imagery and the verses work,the chorus melody is where I'd expect it up a notch with a hook,etc,but maybe still needs a bit of work?

I really liked the bridge.

Cool concept for the song,John and I bet you finish it properly in your own time,rather than the FAWM principal.

pompeyjazz

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« Reply #13 on: March 05, 2018, 11:36:36 PM »
Yep agree 100% Davy.  Or should that be 96% I don't really agree,  or maybe I do. Fawm is brutal. I got this song maybe 66.2 % there but will continue to complet ion.  :) . That clock is still so flipping accurate.  :D

Jamie

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« Reply #14 on: March 06, 2018, 01:34:04 PM »
Hi John, I really like the arrangement and the instrumentation, chord progressions etc , but the package isn't quite finished off, which I see concurs with others comments. I'd keep the backing track and find a new melodic/lyric combo! But as I've said many time before, what do I know! :P

Cheers
Jamie