Schooldays

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Katie Wilson

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« on: February 22, 2018, 10:17:28 AM »
I think everybody looks back at their schooldays in some way or another, happy or sad - I wrote this picturing someone sitting on a stool playing acoustic guitar , strumming in a nostalgic way, regretful way - wishing things were different
and just in a car as I drive past my old school thirty years after I left


Schooldays

Drove past the school of my youth
Just the other day
the one where all my dreams started

drove past the school of my youth
just the other day
the one where it all started to go wrong

some of the teachers that were then
are still in the same classrooms now

I didn't look right , I didn't look left
I just kept my eyes on the road

I was a bad boy at school
I was a bad boy at school
I broke all the rules that they had

whether you liked or hated , your- school days
some memories leave you feeling sad

Drove past the school of my youth
Just the other day
the one where all my dreams started

so many years, so many tears
don't let your dreams hold you back

I was a bad boy at school
I was a bad boy at school
I broke all the rules that they had

the years may go by , but memories don't die
unlike the dreams from your school days

I was a bad boy at school
I was a bad boy at school

I broke all the rules and my dreams







Mike67

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« Reply #1 on: February 22, 2018, 02:34:17 PM »
Hi Katie,

Nice idea, but I'm struggling to get a sense of the song structure; I presume 2 choruses, a pre-chorus or two and a chorus? Just not getting the pattern, unless you're deliberately writing outside of convention, which is fine.  The content also seem a bit scattered and unstructured, which can work with some songs where the lyrics are almost a bit player in the song - I've written a few like that.  Do you have a melody in mind?

Some of rhymes could also work more smoothly, but then I can't hear how it works in your head, so it may work perfectly well, e.g.

I was a bad boy at school
Yes, I was a bad boy at school
Hiding my fears, by playing it cool,
Bending and breaking the rules.

Mike 

Katie Wilson

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« Reply #2 on: February 23, 2018, 12:59:30 AM »
Yes I see what you mean - I do just write what is in me , i don't stick to structure  - I'm not good at describing melody

I've tried to break it up by putting dashes in which  I hope helps to give more of sense of rhythm- it's probably a waste of time and the musicians will laugh but the numbers represent the strums of the guitar for each part - probably a waste of time lol


Schooldays

Drove past the school- of my youth   7 guitar strums
Just the other day                             5
the one where all my dreams - start-ed  8

drove past the school -of my youth 7
just the other day           5
the one where it all start-ed  7
to go wrong  3

some of the teachers 5
that were there - then. 3. 1
are still in the same classrooms-now 7. - 1

I didn't look right - I didn't look left (5  -5)
I just kept my eyes - on the road  ( 5 3

I was a bad boy -at school ( 5 2)
I was a bad boy -at school. 5-2
I broke all the rules - that they had (5 3

whether you liked  - or hated school days  (4 - 5)
some memories leave you-feeling sad 5 3

Drove past the school -of my youth  4  3
Just the other day                   5
the one where all my dreams -start-ed    6  2

so many years -so many tears       3.  3
don't let your dreams - hold you back  4 3

I was a bad boy -at school.  4.  2
I was a bad boy at school.    4.   2
I broke all the rules -that they had   5.  3

the years may go by , but memories don't die  5  5
unlike the dreams -from your school days   4  4

I was a bad boy -at school. 4.  2
I was a bad boy -at school   4. 2

I broke all the rules - and my dreams  5 3

« Last Edit: February 23, 2018, 01:47:12 AM by Katie Wilson »

Mike67

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« Reply #3 on: February 23, 2018, 11:49:48 AM »
Just my take, but if you're a song writer looking for an artist to take one of your songs, all you need's a basic recording so the artist can "get it". Structure go hang; the concept just needs to work. But, if you're a lyricist looking for someone to turn your words into a song, then structure and broad consistency in terms of syllable count are really important selling points. I'm collaborating with another member of the Forum, and we write in different ways; either I'll give him words, often with a basic idea of how they could translate into a song; or he'll send me music to put words to. In both cases, there's always a clear structure to build on.  Makes it so much easier.

Katie Wilson

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« Reply #4 on: February 23, 2018, 03:10:12 PM »
Thanks I've sent you an email ,

Katie Wilson

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« Reply #5 on: February 23, 2018, 10:19:27 PM »
Ive re-written this after looking at some lyrics on the web , trying to learn

Schooldays

V1
Drove past the school of my youth
Just the other day
The one where my dreams all started

V2
Drove  past the school of my youth
just the other day
the one where it all went wrong

CHORUS
some of the teachers that were then
are still in the same classrooms now
I didn't look right , I didn't look left
I just kept my eyes on the road

V3
I was a bad boy at school
I was a bad boy at school
I don't need know telling now

CHORUS
some of the teachers that were then
are still in the same classrooms now
I didn't look right , I didn't look left
I just kept my eyes on the road

V4
the years may go by
but memories don't die
unlike the dreams I had

Bridge
I can't turn the clock back
what's been done has been done
I had my fun
but I'm not laughing now

CHORUS
some of the teachers that were then
are still in the same classrooms now
I didn't look right , I didn't look left
I just kept my eyes on the road

Out
I broke all the rules and my dreams








Johnnyuk

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« Reply #6 on: February 24, 2018, 06:21:11 PM »
Hi,
I read through your lyrics and have a few thoughts on getting more out of your lyrics.
You say that you imagine sitting on a stool with just a guitar which straight away told me that this was going to be an intimate lyric. So when i read your lyrics they didn't fall into that category for me. I would suggest being more direct with your lyrics so ive written some ideas/examples down below in bold text for you to consider.


Schooldays

Drove past the school of my youth
Just the other day
the one where all my dreams started

drove past the school of my youth
just the other day
the one where it all started to go wrong

I would have written this first verse like this...

I drove past my school today
the one where all my dreams began
I drove past my school today
and now i'm thinking
that's the place
where it all went wrong


some of the teachers that were then
are still in the same classrooms now

The teachers that i knew
all thought i was a fool


I didn't look right , I didn't look left
I just kept my eyes on the road

I was a bad boy at school
I was a bad boy at school
I broke all the rules that they had

I would have said this chorus lyric this way...

I was a bad boy at my school
an instigator troublemaker
yeah all the teachers knew
i felt so let down
oh yeah...
they were cruel


These are just a few ideas to think about to help bring your song out more lyric wise.
I hope this helps.
Johnny :)


Katie Wilson

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« Reply #7 on: February 24, 2018, 07:24:53 PM »
Thank you for,the taking the time to post , I looked at other lyrics from other people and tried to balance each line out , for example

drove past the school of my youth- in the first verse has 7 bits if you know what I mean there are no words that has two parts for example like ly-rics

So in the first line of verse 2 I try and get 7 bits again to,give it structure or am I looking at this all wrong

the line - the one where all my dreams be-gan - has eight parts so in the corresponding line in the next verse I try and even it up.

Maybe I'm over complicating it , I now realise the importance of actually having a few lines about the song so that people can set the mood .

It's not just about writing a song it's actually about capturing the whole picture and the feeling and being able to convey that across to the listener

Thanks again
Katie xxx
« Last Edit: February 24, 2018, 07:26:37 PM by Katie Wilson »

Johnnyuk

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« Reply #8 on: February 24, 2018, 07:53:57 PM »
Hi,
You said above that you are counting the lyrics or are you looking at it all wrong?
The answer is NO.
If you believe YOUR song should have 8 bits in each line then 8 bits it is. That's your choice.
What i am trying to show you with your lyric is...
Make your lyrics more of a conversation. eg: read your original lyrics through and then read my lyric suggestions through. Then ask yourself this.... Which set of lyrics sound like something a real person would actually say in the real world?

When you are more direct and conversational with a lyric you instantly allow the listener into your song because you as the singer are having a conversation with them if you get what i am saying. :)

Also any lyric ideas that i have posted for you to look at are not counted. If you are thinking of adding lyrics to your song like the ones i have posted then you must also be open to melody line changes to help fit the new lyrics in. Always be open to melody line changes because you will end up with a stronger song both lyrically and melodically.
Johnny :)

Katie Wilson

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« Reply #9 on: February 24, 2018, 08:09:12 PM »
I know that it sounds silly but I don't really understand how melody works , how do put it into a song ?

Johnnyuk

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« Reply #10 on: February 24, 2018, 08:37:08 PM »
Do you play a musical instrument?

In musical terms there are seven notes in a scale with the eighth note being repeated a full octave higher than the first note giving you a grand total of eight notes.

EG: C D E F G A B C

Your lyrics can fall on any of these notes giving you a melody.

Johnny :)

Katie Wilson

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« Reply #11 on: February 24, 2018, 09:09:36 PM »
No I don't play a musical instrument , I don't know anything about music , chords , melody etc etc but I'm looking at some clips on you tube

Johnnyuk

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« Reply #12 on: February 24, 2018, 09:18:21 PM »
Hi,
Youtube is great for tutorials!
There are lots of tutorials about melody and lyric writing to watch so that's a good starting place for getting some good understanding that will help you with the writing process.
Johnny :)

Katie Wilson

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« Reply #13 on: February 24, 2018, 10:28:35 PM »
Thanks Johnny xx