[Larsen B]

Another of my songs, "Girlfriend", recorded by my band. Any feedback or assessment of the song's commercial potential would be appreciated.
I was aiming for a "raw" sound to suit the style of the song: some might reasonably say it is a little too raw.

Thanks for listening
John

https://soundcloud.com/user-829528054/girlfriend

Girlfriend, I’m at my wits end, you’re making no sense
When you tell me that you have to let me go now
Don’t make a show now I know you know how
I know the time I spent alone with you
The time spent on the phone with you
I never should have ever let you go
I know the time I spent alone with you
The time spent on the phone with you
I never should have ever let you go

No time like the present, our time is all spent
And there really isn’t anything you could say
We went the wrong way, so have a nice day
And so I’m heading for a slow decline
And out of luck and out of time
I never should have ever let you go
Heading for a slow decline, and out of luck and out of time
I never should have ever let you go

Let me tell you now I’m not just a pretty face
But a memory overload, quickly running out of space
We were heading for a crash, but there’s nothing more that I can do
Still would rather be with you
So let’s break up to start anew, let’s make up, not hard to do

Girlfriend, I’m at my wits end, you’re making no sense
When you tell me that you have to let me go now
Don’t make a show now I know you know how
I know the time I spent alone with you
The time spent on the phone with you
I never should have ever let you go 

Let me tell you now I’m not just a pretty face
But a memory overload, quickly running out of space
We were heading for a crash, but there’s nothing more that I can do
Still would rather be with you
So let’s break up to start anew, let’s make up, not hard to do

Girlfriend, I know that you meant to take such offence
This great excuse that seems to be so really heaven-sent
No need to invent, I’m only low-rent
But did you know you cannot reach me now
So please don’t try to teach me now
I never should have ever let you go
But did you know you cannot reach me now
So please don’t try to teach me now
I never should have ever let you go
Never should have ever let you go
Never should have ever let you go

[RealKevM]

Cosmic man I like your guitar sound

[mickyplankton]

Awesome song dude. Please give it the bass and drum backing it deserves. Once you do that it's going to soar.

[adamfarr]

Hi there - this song is a good rocker, well written with some nice lyrical touches, especially the first lines of the verses.


I’d have to say it’s really really loud all through and could do with some variation to keep things more interesting. Also I really couldn’t hear the bass.


So maybe it would benefit from a remix but the song works fine.

[DaveDeMann]

Vocals a bit drowned out, needs some 'spaces' between the music/ words, and some cuts with other instruments, but overall has a nice sense of rhythm, and a familiarity which is appealing.

[cowparsleyman]

I'm with Adam, it would be sooo much better with some variation in the volume...

Great rocking number...

cpm

[Larsen B]

Many thanks to all who listened to and commented on this song. I've done a re-mix with a more prominent bass and introduced a bit of variation in the volume following the advice of others below. The link to the new version here on my Soundcloud account is below.

I'm aware that there are limitations to my recording skills - I don't have access to a range of sophisticated equipment (or instruments). My aim for now is just to produce recordings good enough for any potential to be apparent - that is to say, if any actually exists.

I'd be grateful for any more feedback, of either the original version (linked directly from the post with the lyrics) or the new version.
Thanks
John

https://soundcloud.com/user-829528054/girlfriend-1

[Mikey]

The second version is better in terms of loudness, the first one was so loud it sounded distorted to me, the bass is more prominent on the second version, but seems to be lacking in low end frequencies, and as stated before the drum track is very plodding and needs more variety, that all said, the song itself is good and could be great with some reworking.

Cheers, Mikey 

[Retroflector]

Nice ideas here but sounds a little stilted
The drummer needs to drive it along and add some punctuation
Al the same it’s a very catchy tune

[pnb]

Agree with pretty much everything that has been said.

Needs mixing properly...lots of mud due to frequency masking and levels etc.

Also agree that the drummer needs to put quite a but more energy/grace notes fills etc in the song. Is it a drum machine? I don't think I've ever heard such a conservative drummer! ;-)

But the song definitely has potential...melodically and structurally.

PNB

[Larsen B]

Thanks again for comments. Yes, as many people guessed, this is a drum track, not a live drummer. At the moment our band is one drummer short (I can't play drums myself), and so I've used a drum track for expediency, although I'm hoping that we will be able to improve on that in the future.

[montydog]

Hi,

I'm commenting on the second version. I agree with what others have said about the mix - it's too muddy, distorted and the arrangement is too samey - you need to introduce more variation. The "girlfriend" part is catchy but the rest lacks melodic invention. Your vocals are pitchy too. The drum track doesn't work. Rock music like this needs to be propelled and given a pulse by a decent drummer.

I'm not a great fan of this as you may have guessed. I hope you'll take the criticism as it's intended and that is to help you improve, not to put you down.

M