[giitlesriddles]

Hey, Guys Here's a tune I wrote, trying to make something a little bit more wordy with some more vivid lyrics.
which go as follows

I’ve been held
Head under the water as the
Air bubbles
Come up when I sputter
I can’t Help
Sometimes I might stutter when I talk

My apologies
If I strike you as off in conversation
Apologies
For My Failed Attempts at communication but
Acknowledge Me
I might be just as real as you

Love for sale
It costs time and mind and money also
Don’t wear white
Because if famously Gets Bloody
Everyone just wants to tell somebody that they’re there

So when you’re talking
Watch your step
Don’t forget the lies you’ve said
People notice when your stories change

And when you’re crying
Don’t get caught
You once told me that you couldn’t be bought
And now you’ve got a price tag on your head

I’m prone to accidents
A danger to myself and others
I’m always forced into confrontations cause I Never have a cover
But I’m practicing
To water down the thoughts within my mind

In My head
I can cut through the sound like butter but
I’m playing with one hand
Cause all these girls wanted the other
In my head  my thoughts camouflage into the walls

In my bed
I can’t just hide beneath the covers
Ive been awake for hours just
Tryna change my color it’s already
Three AM, and I wonder if this’ll every change

So when you’re talking
Watch your step
Don’t forget the lies you’ve said
People notice when your stories change

And when you’re crying
Don’t get caught
You once told me that you couldn’t be bought
And now you’ve got a price tag on your head

[Cawproductions]

Hi Dude.

You got a nice style there, quite a unique vocal which is a good thing.

The song has a cool vibe, great little run down in between chords.

Sound nice produced..

Nice work

[Almosthumanrobot]

Nice work dude! The song sounds really original. The flow you have with the lyrics sounds absolutely wonderful. If I were you I'd invest in a good mic and download some software to properly record this stuff. Keep up the good work!

[cowparsleyman]

Guy, this is really good, great playing and delivery too, your voice fits so well to your melody.

A pleasure to listen to.

thanks

cpm

[diademgrove]

Hi giitlesriddles,

this is right up my street, great song and well played and sung. Noticed a little stumble at the beginning but that just added to the feel.

Reminded me of Jack White, huge complement.

Keith

[Neil C]

Liking this,
A song that comes across with a point of view if you know what I mean.
Good chord progression, especially the more energetic bits, but you need the closer bits to provide the contrast.
 
Neil
Ps love the beat up acoustic

 

[Paulski]

Yep - Jack Black vibe - good stuff!
Needs a kick and snare though 

[mickyplankton]

Love the raw passion and vocal delivery. I can imagine this song would also sound good with a full live electric band. Lyrics pretty cool too. Commenting on the production is irrelevant as  it's a live take. Extra marks for that too. More of us should attempt this!

[Katie Wilson]

Hi Iike some of this - think you've got some great lyrics in there - I think it sounded a bit echoey but that might be part my end.

I personally would have liked to see you go,with a riff in the middle or something to break it up a bit or a bridge or something to draw me back in

But overall,I thought it as was good and I thought your voice was good as well uu

[Jamie]

Hi, good listen, played with some conviction and liked the chords and runs. A bit wordy for my taste but the phrasing of the words works really well.
Good stuff!
Cheers
Jamie

[Skub]

Yo Giitles.

I always look forward to your songs because you put your heart into the performance and I love that honesty,it rings true and it captivates.

Great lyrics,haven't a clue what you mean,but I don't mind that because I'll decide what you mean. 

It's pointless to critique on producton,because you are either singing in the bog or the kitchen and I'm only getting left side sound! 

None of that matters,the song will work with your band or it will work with just you and yer battered acoustic.

The only thing I can fault is the fact you post infrequently and rarely comment on other member's songs.

Take care man. 

[LostBoy]

Hello mate,

Great energy all around. Interesting lyrics in a good way. Great playing!  I enjoyed it.

For the love of god though,get it recorded properly though mate,as you are doing yourself a disservice with this kind of set up. 

You can make bloody good recordings with GarageBand on your phone nowadays. I myself do everything on my iPad. Just give it a whirl buddy.

Good stuff though man

[CaliaMoko]

Very clever. I would like very much to see more of you around the boards.

Vicki

[adamfarr]

Hi there - I always like your performances and lyrics, which have a unique blues-hiphop-punk feel to them. This time I think the words sacrificed a bit of meaning for sound which is fine but perhaps not up to your normal high standards.


Sorry to be an echo, but you have a lot to give already so your input around the forum would really be an asset, not to mention what ideas you might take away. Otherwise reviews of your songs may get more and more cursory until they.

[tboswell]

It liked it but it felt a little samey to me throughout. The sections had similar guitar work and melodies that had similar registers and rhythms, so they weren't as distinct as they could be.
Lyrically I couldn't work out what it was about but there are some nice lines that pop out of there and call for your attention certainly.

For my old fashioned ears, I reckon a little more crafting to make the sections more distinct would reap benefits.
But what do old folks like me know?!