[Robbie S]

Hi fellow songwriters,

I've got my third demo track "Life's So Cheap" up on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/user-53270383/lifes-so-cheap-aaa

Feedback greatly appreciated.




LIFE’S SO CHEAP
   
Verse 1
I was living, on the streets, I was bleeding, live’s so cheap
I was stripped bare, dead on my feet, I tried to fly, no heart beat

Bridge
You were staring from so far above
Thinking I’d tossed my life away

Chorus
But the music keeps me alive
And the melody it feeds my heart
So understand I won’t let go
Cause the music it saved my soul
         
Verse 2
I was bruised, tar on my soul, a runaway, I lost it all

[Robbie S]

Oh I hit the return button by accident.

I also wanted to say that the song is about my time living on the streets of Dublin and how music and busking kept me together, and helped pull away from giving up.

And thanks for the feedback on my previous tracks, it means a lot.

R

[Daniel_Young]

That's a nice poppy tune,we can all relate to the chorus.

Good luck with your challenge.

[Robbie S]

Thanks Daniel, have you got any songs going?

R

[Marcus Deso]

Man the beat immediately reminded me of gimme all your lovin ZZ top (not a bad thing).  I really like the melody of this.  I would change the beat however in the chorus section - when I was listening I wanted it to explode at this point crashing symbols violins chello hurdy gurdy something edgy.

  I'd maybe experiment with a few effects on the main verse riff just to carry it a bit mre - essentially sonically you're going for that early Kings of Leon buzz so dirty it up a bit and see how it goes.

Lyrics are all relative but some of the more used sentiments for lyrics I'd maybe try to abstract a little  

[Robbie S]

Hi Marcus,

Great feedback, you seem to be on my vibes. Yea chorus needs more happening for sure, and the verse needs some added sonic attitude.

Totally get that some lyrics could be more abstract, what sentiments really stick out for you?

Thanks, have you checked out my other 2 demos? https://soundcloud.com/user-53270383

What's you're gig?

Best
Robbie

[man of simple pleasures]

pretty cool...i dig it 

[Johnnyuk]

.

[CaliaMoko]

Ooo, the chorus...shades of my college days and those high "Neil Youngish" harmonies I remember from Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young. Boy, that was forever ago....

I don't really have anything constructive to add. For me this one is all about the chorus...it stands out and catches my ear. I guess I do wonder about one little thing...and it's just me wondering. Mostly the song seems to be about the singer ruminating about his life and how music saves him. Then there's that one teensy weensy little "you" in the bridge, which indicates another person involved...but that's it. I don't see it as wrong, just kind of intriguing, just this little bitsy hint that someone else may be involved in the unfortunate drama of this person's life.

So, like I said, nothing constructive to add. I've noticed you participating on the boards and wanted to acknowledge that.

Vicki

[Marcus Deso]

Hi Marcus,

Great feedback, you seem to be on my vibes. Yea chorus needs more happening for sure, and the verse needs some added sonic attitude.

Totally get that some lyrics could be more abstract, what sentiments really stick out for you?

Thanks, have you checked out my other 2 demos? https://soundcloud.com/user-53270383

What's you're gig?

Best
Robbie

It's very hard to tell someone else how to write their lyrics.  And lyrics for me is essentially what holds me back, trying not to be cliched but also not convulated and a clever twist on an old and tried line. 

 How you can do this with this track is hard to contextulise, lines like stripped bare dead on my feet are good lines because artistically they contain a lot of colour and free from more cliche imagings of something similar.

Hope that helps man - listening to your other stuff so I'll comment on that when I get some time.

[Robbie S]

Thanks Marcus that is actually really helpful.

[cowparsleyman]

Great work Robbie

(listened on audio technica ath-m40x cans)

I LOVE your voice, and the song, it's really superb.

The last part of each verse cries

The Chorus sounds a little empty, maybe a second crunchy telecaster over to the right? and rather than having more attitude on the lead Vox, have the attitude in the BVox, that wouldn't change the vibe too much.

The drums could be replaced with a live more open set, and a few fills/cymbals between verses.

Not much to do on it really, maybe some more BVox tracks.

Hope this helps, I'll PM you.

cpm

[RealKevM]

Hi Robbie, the chord progression is pretty great. In fact this is probably the best song i've heard on these forums in a while.

[Robbie S]

 Thanks, thanks, thanks, for the feedback folks, I've got a skip in my feet!

 Better get on with next track!