[Walrus5668]

Hello All

Im new here so hi to all creative's, performers, musicians and songwriters !!

This is a song ive written, performed, recorded, arranged and mastered at my very sparse and pathetic home studio with a 10 year old pc haha

Its a song for my six kids and my grandson, so its very personal.

Its my first production in 20 years so im just learning the ropes of modern "in the box" production. It was a very good learning process that i enjoyed immensely.

My old bandmate and writing partner and I are embarking on a long term double album project so the things ive learned from producing this song will help in the coming months.


SONG FOR WHEN IM GONE

Words and Music by Gary Young

Contributing Artists : Dale Wesley Hill and Dave Chapman  - Electric Guitars

Key Dmaj - BPM 85 (4/4)

Verse 1
Yes I do believe
the years of sacrifice
that i have made for these
the ones i love the most
the ones i want to please
you make me proud my children
yes i love you .. ooh yeah

Verse 2
All you have to do
just live your life
exactly how ive taught you to
all the years
of good advice i gave to you
please remember children
i will love you ... always

Chorus
Been thinking a lot just lately,
time comes and it goes,
years passing me by so quickly
though

Verse 3
Im the lucky man
just want to hug and
love you any time i can
we laugh we cry together
yes lets make a plan
to be like this forever
and forever .. yeah yeah

Verse 4
So I wrote this song
For you my son and daughters
each and every one
help you remember me
as one day ill be gone
no need to worry children
i am near you ..always

Chorus
Been thinking a lot just lately,
time comes and it goes,
years passing by so quickly though

Finale
Song for when I'm gone !!
For when I'm gone !!
Song for when I'm gone !!
For When I'm gone !!
Song for when I'm gone !!
For When I'm gone !!

[CaliaMoko]

Hey Walrus! Welcome to the most wonderful songwriters' forum on the planet. And, honest, I'm not biased!

I enjoyed your song very much. Lovely melody. Great words. I noticed you stuck an extra word in "Just want to hug [you] and love you" which threw off the rhythm and made the line a bit awkward, but I assume that was just a mistake. For the most part, your diction/enunciation was really good, better than I usually hear (I'm picky about that, and I did notice one teensy little mushy bit..."taught choo" instead of "taught you".

For me, the words and the melody flow together very well. Good job with that. The singing could flow a little better, but I suspect that will come as you get more practice with the song. Overall, the singing is beautiful; I love your voice. You stay in tune and in rhythm really well. The song in general is upbeat and happy, and the pretty melody supports that feel. On the other hand, the overall theme has some sad undertones, looking ahead to your death, and the minor key supports that, so those elements sound thoughtfully put together.

Nice job. I look forward to hearing more of your music AND I hope to read your comments on some of the other music in the forum. I think you have a lot to offer.

Sincerely,
Vicki

[Johnnyuk]

Hi,
I loved the song! Great meaningfull lyrics. I also think you have a great voice!
If i could suggest one thing to consider for this song it would be a very simple one to make. The length of the song is far too long. People no matter how great anyones song is have a cut off point when listening to a new song and that is around the 3 minute to 3:30 minute mark. It has nothing to do with how good a song is it is just how people process music on first listen. So i would shorten it to 3 to 3:30 mins. If you do that by the end of it people are more likely to hit replay which is what you hope for with any song you create.
I hope this helps.
Great stuff keep up the good work!
Johnny

[kevysc]

Good song!

I really like the brass (and the verses as a whole). It has a Lightning Seeds feel.

I would agree it could be shortened, possibly drop one verse? Also, the Chorus feels like a bridge, so maybe could be used only once? Hope that makes sense, welcome to the forum and congrats on a really good song.

Kevin

[Cawproductions]

Hi dude.

Nice song and Vocal, loving the brass sections,

Your voice has a nice tone,

Andy

[adamfarr]

6 kids - how do you even have the energy to write!
It's a lovely song and well produced. The horn section sounds great and the distorted and phazy guitars work well (solo's a little long though!)
Lyrically, it's quite general - but in this case that may also be a strength, lots of people could relate and sing along.
Don't go yet, also as I'm sure there's lots more you can take from and bring to this forum!

[Neil C]

Gary,
Hi and welcome. Have a read of the rules, contribute and get on with that double album :-)
Anyway nice tune an personal lyrics.
There's an simple honesty which works well with your vocals, you've a good tone there.
Love the tremeloed guitar as well and outro
Agreed it could be shorter, not sure it need both solo's and piano, don't feel they serve the song but what the hell do I know..
 
Neil

 

[Katie Wilson]

Lovely tribute - heart felt words that say how you feel , so,I wouldn't like to make any comments about that - I probably differ slightly in the fact that I found the brass section a bit too loud but then that's just me , good melody - is it to long.? Possibly but a lovely song xxx

[Mikey]

Nice song, well played and the vocal is really nice, liking the brass too, I also noticed the extra "you" in the 3rd verse which didn't fit the rhythm at all, and I found that the louder sections were too loud compared to the rest of the song, but overall a great listen.

Cheers, Mikey

[Sterix]

Hi Gary,

Personally I don't mind longer songs so the length doesn't really bother me per se (the two songs I keep playing most currently are 24 minutes and 10 minutes long respectively, so meh). Having said that it possibly could do with being a tad shorter. When you get towards the end and have just finished the final "chorus" you do a little instrumental and then go into the finale. Personally I feel it would have been better as one or the other - either finishing with the instrumental (either fading out or to a conclusion) or going more quickly into the finale. That said, a few more times of listening and maybe it'll be fine as it is.

On the whole a nice song.

[2tuoo]

great song!

I loved the vocal overdubbing and the brass in it the most!