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A Little Glue

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adamfarr

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« on: February 12, 2018, 11:01:12 AM »
Hi - started to write a song about a lonely old person, but somehow it wanted to be turned round to become more hopeful and generally applicable. Looking at a Scott Walker style baritone ballad here...
Could it be a little trite, especially that pay off? Is the key thing an unintentional double-entendre? What should the title even be?
Thanks for any comments you may have!

A Little Glue (working title)

V1
Now everybody calls me mister
But I still have a name
A few cracks showing on the outside
But inside I feel the same

V2
This jigsaw's still got all its pieces
Just the picture can't be found
This cassette has all the music on it
Just needs a pencil to be wound

CH
Can anybody see I'm still worth fixing
All I need's a little glue.
Some days it may seem that I’ve gone missing
Though I never leave my room
It's because she
Was the glue

M8
Memories like yesterday’s snow
Fearful of the sun
Who decided that it’s time to stop
Making new ones?

V3
This remote just needs recharging
Don't leave it lying in a drawer
This key still knows how to work
Maybe there's another door

V4
A few cracks showing on the outside
But inside I'm still the same
Everybody calls me mister
But I still have a name

FINAL CH
Someone's gotta see I'm still worth fixing
All I need's a little glue
One day you'll find that I’ve gone missing
Now it's time leave my room
All I need's
A little glue

(c) Adam Farr, 2018

Wicked Deeds

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« Reply #1 on: February 12, 2018, 09:03:20 PM »
The final line in the chorus delivers the key message.  I think some lyric song hit home hardest when we are in the midst of exoeriencing something that they reflect. 

I'd change the last two lines of V2 to read:

"The cassette has all the music
yet the rhythm can't be found"

This is engaging, hones t and heartfelt.

Paul
" I'm the thief who stole the riches in the night."

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adamfarr

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« Reply #2 on: February 13, 2018, 10:53:12 AM »
Thanks Paul - I was going with hopeless but found some hope that made him want to venture out of his room again...
Agree about the pencil line - maybe what he really needs is a cassette player... I'll have a think!

Neil C

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« Reply #3 on: February 16, 2018, 01:03:28 PM »
Adam,
Lots to like here. The verses are really good, love the fixing analogies.
Just wondered whether you want to repeat the glue line twice in the chorus maybe delete the 2nd line or replace it?
Good luck
 :)
neil
songwriter of no repute..

CaliaMoko

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« Reply #4 on: February 16, 2018, 04:47:18 PM »
Hi Adam...I can only think of one thing to add, so far. The chorus line "It's because she was the glue." I think this would come across much stronger if it only said, "She was the glue." I don't know your melody and rhythm, of course, but I think it might be able to be done by pausing for the "It's because" beats and come in on, "She was the glue" part.

Just my opinion, of course. Use it if you like it.

Vintage54

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« Reply #5 on: February 16, 2018, 08:48:52 PM »

  Hi Adam,
    The suggestions from those that posted before me are constructive and worth considering. I won't make any myself, why? because i believe it's pretty good the way it stands. I mess with songs myself sometimes, constantly re-writing when i'm not sure of a particular line. In many instances though, the first choice proved to be the best. You know the old adage "If it's not broke..." well, can't see a lot that needs fixing here, it's a damn good write, and the chorus sings like a dream. Roll on the next one.

                                           Vintage54