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HOLD ON HOLD ON FEEDBACK REQUIRED

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NKHOMA18

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« on: January 29, 2018, 06:26:49 PM »
I am a Zimbabwean based in South Africa and would like to go deep into songwriting. I lack resources to so and need help. I always hear songs in my dreams and wake up and write them down. And some are from personal experiences. I can write words but nothing much. I don''t know about structure verse etc... and I want to learn. One of the words i wrote is this:

HOLD ON
We had dreams as wide as the earth
Did we hold on to things that mattered and that''s all we had
We took flights to different parts of the world
Afraid and running away from political idiocracy
A Love torn apart yet enchanted
Did you ever dream of that glass house we said we will build?
Hold on... Hold on...
To our dreams, to our beliefs
You had a face so innocent and it melted wild hearts
You said you will call
And years passed by and the telephone got disconnected
How was I to love when there was none to love
How do I heal, when you left with a part of my heart
Years passed and Facebook came and
I saw your profile and it said you were married...
To a man you met in the subway... oh no!
You were holding a bump on your stomach
With tears i thought that could have been our baby
Had we not subscribed to the biblical principle
Of no sex before marriage
I Held on... Held on...
To our dreams, to our beliefs
I saw your face so innocent and it melted my wild heart
You said you'll call
But you never accepted my friend request
How was I to be faithful when there was none to be faithful to
I wanted to die, to end it all
Stood on top of the mountain looking at wild ghosts
I send an SOS to the lord of love
He send a cobbler of broken hearts
heal me...heal me
I wept
No no no
No no no
No no no
I read books,studied philosophy draw pictures on walls
Joined an order and once I became a priest
I drank drinks so soft and hard
Tried to find someone like you, though it wasn't easy
As they make it in songs
I never got over you and that was true...
I wanted to die, to end it all
Stood on top of the mountain looking at wild ghosts
I send an SOS to the lord of love
He send a cobbler to mend my broken heart..
heal me...heal me
I wept
No no no
No no no
No no no
Yeah, we are all destined to live and die...
You lived in spotlight, and made a name of yourself...
Took chances and it payed off, became a superstar
And found your purpose in life
I became your number one fan...
Even had posters of you walking the red carpet
But I held on... held on
To our dreams, to our beliefs
Until it was in the news, the day you drove over the bridge
Leaving behind an husband, two kids and a broken ex
I knew then i had fulfilled my promise
Of loving you till the end
I wanted to die, to end it all
Stood on top of the mountain looking at wild ghosts
I send an SOS to the lord of love
He send a cobbler to mend my broken heart..
heal me...heal me
I wept
No no no
No no no
No no no

Vintage54

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« Reply #1 on: February 06, 2018, 10:55:50 PM »

   Hey!
    Welcome, i'll reply to this if no one else will. This reads more like a letter than a song or a poem. Feels to me like this came quickly, like you poured it out on page in one sitting, Jack Kerouac like, no editing, no chopping and changing, am i wrong. It's a long road, but i rode it to the end. In fact, i went back and rode it again. No rhymes, but i got a sense of rhythm. Some lines stay in the memory, some are easy to forget, but that's ok, i've wrote plenty myself that aren't worth the remembering. Welcome to the forum, and don't let this be your only post.

                               vintage54