[jonlint]

Hi all,

Working on a new song idea.  Vocals and performance is not perfect but feedback is most welcome:

https://soundcloud.com/jonathan-linton-3/race-to-the-bottom

RACE TO THE BOTTOM
(Words by Jonathan Linton, Music by Jonathan Linton)

You’re cold, but you’re sweating
Your mind, ain’t forgetting
Your new primal need
For poison feed

Once more, you resolve
To fix a problem, you can’t solve
Shuttin’ out those that can
Soon feedin’ time again

Temporary hiding place
From the truth, that you can’t face

You’re in a race
A race to the bottom
Race
A race to the bottom

Regret, your decision
Dead set, indecision
Each crash sucks you in
To poison sin

Pitstop for you to feed
Obsessive need for speed
It’s a race, of attrition
And you got, pole position
Temporary hiding place
From the truth, that you can’t face

You’re in a race
A race to the bottom
Race
A race to the bottom

SOLO

Race
A race to the bottom
Race
A race to the bottom

A race to the bottom
A race to the bottom
A race to the bottom
A race to the bottom

[Katie Wilson]

Wow , I thought that you're voice sounded great , good song for playing air guitar to-  real energy

[CaliaMoko]

I like this quite a bit! I think the music suits the lyric absolutely perfectly.

I haven't been very active lately, so before I say more I'll warn you...I'm very picky about word usage and prosody, grammar...stuff like that. I believe every word should have a purpose and, if it isn't needed, it should be left out. So, be warned...I'm picky. And keep in mind, what I say is my opinion based on my opinions , so feel free to ignore me totally. I don't mind.

Okay, so here's where I think you have room for a little improvement.

Your line: "Shuttin’ out those that can"
I have a personal objection to using the word "that" to refer to people. In my mind, "that" means things and "who" means people. So I would say, "Shuttin' out those who can".

You line: "From the truth, that you can’t face"
I am also not a fan of unnecessary words. Here, I would leave out the word "that" and replace it with nothing. You can hold onto "truth" a little longer and eliminate "that". In my mind the result makes the line stronger and tighter.

In general, I find the lyric tight and effective, matched well with the accompaniment. I really like it.

Vicki

[MjayP]

Personally, I don’t see a problem using ‘that’ instead of ‘who’. The fact is, so many people say it, that it’s become their truth. If you’re writing songs for yourself, your  identity is a big part of what makes it unique. For example, if we we took that approach to grime/rap/urban music, a huge part of its personality would be lost.

Having said that, I do think that ‘who’ would flow better in your song, so...

I also agree that you could lose ‘that’ from the ‘you can’t face’ line. You barely emphasise it anyway, so would be no big loss.

I thought the song was great. What I’d refer to as a banger! As soon as the main riff started, I was nodding along. The vocals were very well executed (reminded me of James Hetfield). I also liked it when the riff cut out during certain drum fills and the solo. It gives the song that extra ‘kick’ when it returns.

Keep it up, man!

[jonlint]

I like this quite a bit! I think the music suits the lyric absolutely perfectly.

I haven't been very active lately, so before I say more I'll warn you...I'm very picky about word usage and prosody, grammar...stuff like that. I believe every word should have a purpose and, if it isn't needed, it should be left out. So, be warned...I'm picky. And keep in mind, what I say is my opinion based on my opinions , so feel free to ignore me totally. I don't mind.

Okay, so here's where I think you have room for a little improvement.

Your line: "Shuttin’ out those that can"
I have a personal objection to using the word "that" to refer to people. In my mind, "that" means things and "who" means people. So I would say, "Shuttin' out those who can".

You line: "From the truth, that you can’t face"
I am also not a fan of unnecessary words. Here, I would leave out the word "that" and replace it with nothing. You can hold onto "truth" a little longer and eliminate "that". In my mind the result makes the line stronger and tighter.

In general, I find the lyric tight and effective, matched well with the accompaniment. I really like it.

Vicki

Hi Vicki,

Many many thanks for your feedback, and I am just as picky as you!

When I write lyrics I believe less is more.  Alice in Chains in my favourite band, and they are very economic on lyrics like you say.  As an example, if you look at the lyrics to one of their signature songs "Man in a Box", there is hardly any text.  But it is a huge song and Layne uses the space between the words to great effect.  He draws out for instance "Feed My Eyes" and "Jesus Christ" to perfection.

Your input is well taken and will be implemented!  Thanks again!

[Mikey]

Love this, you can't beat a bit of good old rock, vocal is really nice, and the lyrics are fine, they make perfect sense as they are and fit the rythm well, I would have liked a bit more crazy in the solo, but as a whole the track is great.

Cheers, Mikey

[Cazrolina]

I'm not much use here really, as this isn't a genre that's usually in my tea pot, but this was a great listen.  The dizzy repeating guitar riffs is brill.  Drums spot on. Great vocal delivery on the higher parts of the melody lines and chorus. Enjoyed it !!