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January 16, 2018, 09:00:46 PM
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Read January 12, 2018, 10:17:43 PM #0
Misanthropist

JACK THE LAD

The following son is merely for entertainment. I have sang it myself several times but I am not happy with the chords I use on the guitar. Lyrically speaking, I await a critique of some sort. Thank you



JACK THE LAD

Jack the lad fell of his horse
Staggered back and ran indoors
His pill skittered on the water
Underneath a mini motor

Well,just now he 's selling lies
on a ladies tattooed thighs
Silver backs are counting sins
Hiding in recycle bins

He's a tinder tranny -will you mind the gap
living with his granny sitting on her lap
singing mash potatoes to a drunken crowd
what a clever melon sausage brussel sprout
 
Read January 14, 2018, 10:55:49 AM #1
diademgrove

Re: JACK THE LAD

Welcome to the forum,

on a cold Sunday morning your words made me smile (definitely a good thing).

I think it should be longer, I wanted more verses to see how the story developed.

Do you intend to record it and put it up on one of the other boards? I hope so.

Keith
 
Read January 14, 2018, 12:50:30 PM #2
tomcrocus

Re: JACK THE LAD

This is definitely my cup of tea,a little bit of madness,
you've got to develop it and make it longer because i'd love
to read the finished article,
                                        best wishes,Tom.
 
Read Yesterday at 09:07:01 PM #3
Vintage54

Re: JACK THE LAD


   Hi There!

        This is bonkers! but so is the the world. "Merely for entertainment" you say, well thanks for entertaining. Is it just nonsense? or have i missed some kind of meaning? it doesn't really matter, because either way, i love it. Like the guys before me said, should have been longer, i wanted more.

                             Vintage54
 
Read Today at 02:09:46 PM #4
Misanthropist

Re: JACK THE LAD

I had no intention of extending Jack the Lad,but, I felt flattered by your kind word. As a token of gratitude I just scribbled e few more lines.
I'm infinitely thankful...

He can’t remember when or what
Happy news was on the spot
He’s feeling faint he's acting blind
Wading cash and gods in mind

Cut the chorus-cry for bogs
He’s starring on vile vlogs
He has lost his touch a tad
Yours truly, Jack the lad


 
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