Ordinary Unique

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Tinitus95

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« on: January 10, 2018, 05:57:20 PM »
Hey,
I am a Singer Songwriter from Germany. I want to know if my lyrics are fine ;)
The Song is about beauty of my point of view. Maybe you even like it :D
I hope It's not to bad.


VERSE I

It‘s pure, warm, sweet and unreal.
A piece of the whole i found here.    ---- Shall I use piece or part or is both fine?
A feeling of trust among us,
allow us to be you and me .

PRE CHOURUS

It‘s all we want, all we need. The other part to feel complete.
It's the opposite, the other side of misery.

REFRAIN

2x Ahh

Do we find or do we create this moment here of beauty?
It dosen't matter, now we are here to feel ordinary unique

No realese without tension we‘re forced to embrace the friction.
A rainbow needs sun and rain it can‘t show up everyday.


Bridge

Find meaning somwhere in between nothing and everthing.
See the glimmer of beauty somewhere in between order and chaos.
Well if nothing matters why should i suffer any longer?
Rest you mind for a while, take your time, set your goal and pick up your burden.


PRE CHOURUS

It‘s all we want, all we need. The other part to feel complete.
It's the opposite, the other side of misery.

REFRAIN

2x Ahh

Do we find or do we create this moment here of beauty?
It dosen't matter, now we are here to feel ordinary unique

No realese without tension we‘re forced to embrace the friction.
A rainbow needs sun and rain it can‘t show up everyday.




Laptop Philharmonic

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« Reply #1 on: January 11, 2018, 07:07:08 PM »
Quote
Shall I use piece or part or is both fine?

Piece is fine :)

Overall there's not a lot of rhyming going on... is that intentional? Either way this is loads better than anything I could write in German  ;)

Search "Laptop Philharmonic" on Spotify, iTunes etc. or visit:
laptopphilharmonic.bandcamp.com

Vintage54

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« Reply #2 on: January 11, 2018, 08:47:42 PM »

   Hello!
     Welcome to the forum. As Laptop says, piece is fine, though i prefer part, but that's just a matter of opinion. To write something without rhyme, and to get it to work is difficult, but not impossible. For me, if it rhymes, it flows along smoother. Having said that, it's hard to be critical when you're not using your native language. There is potential here, and some interesting lines, the "rainbow" one in particular. Stick with it, you can only get better.

                                 Vintage54

Rightly

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  • and there you have it.
« Reply #3 on: January 11, 2018, 09:06:12 PM »
Nice images there, and without getting too fancy.
interesting concept.
I hope it gets music, would be interesting to hear
It's either this or that, then again it might be the other. 

And there you have it. 

https://soundcloud.com/rightly/sets/tactiles-remastered

Tinitus95

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« Reply #4 on: January 11, 2018, 09:20:47 PM »
Thanks for your reply guys.
Is there nothing wrong? Or any phrase strange for a nativ speaker?

Here you can listen to my little acoustic demo. I removed the second Verse :D So the Song is not that long anymore ;)

actually in this case  I think the song works pretty good even without  to rhyme. Kind of funny in other songs from me there is a much more rhyming going on.

the rainbow line is my favorite ;)

https://soundcloud.com/stefan-jenniches/ordinary-unique-horprobe

Hope you like it
« Last Edit: January 11, 2018, 09:27:06 PM by Tinitus95 »

Laptop Philharmonic

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« Reply #5 on: January 12, 2018, 07:06:21 PM »
Is there nothing wrong? Or any phrase strange for a nativ speaker?

It's not always easy to tell, because in songwriting you might phrase things in a deliberately "strange" way for effect. I had a quick read through and made notes if there was anything I thought came across as a bit off. It was mostly fine, but I did pick up on:
 
A feeling of trust among us,
allow us to be you and me .  < I think you might mean "allowing" or "allows"

Do we find or do we create this moment here of beauty? < The word "here" kind of sticks out...
It dosen't matter, now we are here to feel ordinary unique < Do you mean "ordinarily unique"?


Search "Laptop Philharmonic" on Spotify, iTunes etc. or visit:
laptopphilharmonic.bandcamp.com

Tinitus95

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« Reply #6 on: January 31, 2018, 02:12:53 AM »
Thank you for your time. Life is busy, now I can answer ;D

I mean allow- why should I take allowing or allows?

Also what is the difference between ordinary and ordinarily?