Song - at the border

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Jimsaloud

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« on: January 09, 2018, 08:49:18 PM »
Hello

I found GarageBand on my phone so have started to try writing a few songs. I did used to play guitar but don’t have one anymore so am sadly playing the buttons on a screen. This song kinda has lyrics but they are silly as they were the first ones that went with the melody as I made it up. Couldn’t get anything to fit better. So it’s basic compared to great stuff on here.  If anyone has views either way (:/) let me know. Especially welcome views on the melody - does it work or too generic? And is the style of vocal listenable or too abrasive?

https://soundcloud.com/user-5387438/wrote-this

I wrote the song for pleasure having listened to some lat 90S indie music. Read the guidelines so embarrassingly will write the lyrics below. Not legendary stuff it is true

Falling down
How you were
You’ve gotta say you were
Now you know

If I wrote this song
In one word
It would be absurd
Now you know

Don’t stop
i’ll see you at the border
If I don’t stop now

But don’t stop
I’ll revel in disorder
If I don’t stop now

I am trying not
To believe
Everything I see
Now you know

And I wrote this song
In one word
It would be absurd
Now you know


PaulyX

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« Reply #1 on: January 09, 2018, 09:42:46 PM »
Hey Jim, welcome to the forum.  I think it's awesome that you wrote a song just on an iphone like this.  Clearly the desire to write is big in you... you're going to write on whatever tools you can find, and that's great.
So the song itself - it's pretty good mate!  The melodies are strong - very Gallagher-esque (I think I can guess the late 90s music you were listening to...).  The lyrics are also pretty Noel G too in places... he did that nonsensical rhyme thing a lot back then.  I like the lines about revelling in disorder and also the "absurd" lines.  Your singing is fine too, couple of pitchy moments but obviously you're just recording a demo into a phone here and it sounds like the tone of your voice is very strong.
So now you've found big melodies and a good voice, write some more stuff spending more time on the lyrics and the recording (borrow someone's guitar?) and I'm sure you're going to deliver a belter.  Looking forward to hearing it.
It's all too beautiful.

Viscount Cramer & His Orchestra

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« Reply #2 on: January 12, 2018, 07:17:32 PM »
Hello Jim

All you're missing is a few more tools and you'll be knocking out songs with the best (and worst!) of us.
Nothing wrong with the song at all. Wouldn't worry about the generic melody thing.....as long as it's not a note for note rip-off who cares as long as it gets the song over. Vocal sounds good so with the right gear you'll be laughing.

I don't know what the technical term is...maybe it's the phrasing or the meter or something but you've got that sorted nicely.

I went for years with only a really shitty old guitar which was nuts in retrospect and getting a half-decent one was a revelation for me...get one now.

Once you start recording stuff more fully you'll be hooked and inspired.

Good luck!

Take it easy.

You can check my stuff out here. Mini-album getting bigger slowly. Free download if you're poorer than me.

Easy Life - Viscount Cramer

RealKevM

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« Reply #3 on: January 13, 2018, 01:53:21 AM »
Hi Jim you've got a great tone to your voice. I took the liberty of having a listen to your other songs too and they really are pretty great.

MichaelA

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« Reply #4 on: January 13, 2018, 12:59:58 PM »
Sounds like an Oasis melody, in a good way, catchy. Now you've started in GB, why not put a bassline on this, which is pretty simple with their Virtual instruments? I'm sure we'll be hearing more from you!

Jimsaloud

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« Reply #5 on: January 13, 2018, 08:18:55 PM »
Thanks guys. That’s very encouraging and a lot more than I expected. You’ve all rumbled me on the Oasis imitation! Glad in a way that I got to the sound close enough for it to be noticeable  :). But yes, it is shameless.

The singing is a bit pitchy as you say - listening back it’s too loud and shouty. Think you probably have to be Liam G to pull it off and I’m not really in that ballpark!

But glad you all like the melody. I will keep working on this one to see if I can spruce it up, including with a baseline. Thanks all again!

Katie Wilson

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« Reply #6 on: January 13, 2018, 08:31:28 PM »
Hi enjoyed this , I'm a massive oasis fan and most of my lyrics are influenced by them