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January 16, 2018, 08:48:58 PM
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Read January 08, 2018, 07:20:33 PM #0
wkamen

A Summer Place(revision)

I Woke up to the sound of a cold rain
wrapped in a memory as tears embrace my face
like raindrops hugging the leaves.
I think about that song a summer place
and picture you and me on that beach

Looking back on the memory
When I first saw you
Swayin’ to the rhythm of the waves
on a lonely stretch of sand
I walked up to you
Iooked into your eyes
my heart beating
like a baby’s first heartbeat
        saying hello
I knew I’d met the girl
I thought I’d never find

Every time I hear that song
I picture you and me on that beach
Strange how a song sounds like a memory
Somewhere, somewhere only we know.

We walked barefoot, hand in hand
whispering under my breath
I've found the love for me
We stopped at the water’s edge
The soft sensuous touch of the breeze
embraced us and we danced to the song
               A summer place

Locked in an orbital embrace
The alluring sunlight
reflecting the glittering sea
cast a blue glow upon us
letting off energy with a passion
          and we kissed
Lost in that moment with you
I was totally consumed
binding our love with a kiss

As daylight fades
a perfect sunset
gave life to a perfect day
I didn’t want this day to end
I didn’t want this day to ever ever end

Every time I hear that song
I picture you and me on that beach
Strange how a song sounds like a memory
Somewhere, somewhere only we know.
« Last Edit: January 11, 2018, 09:46:34 PM by wkamen »
 
Read January 10, 2018, 10:21:09 PM #1
diademgrove

Re: A Summer Place(revision)

Hi wkamen,

I like your words but they read more like a poem than a song.

It appears the verses are of different lengths which makes it difficult, but not impossible, to set to music.

I find it slightly odd that you are explaining to the women you met what happened that day, after what I presume is a long period of time. I would be more interested in hearing what caused you to look back with such longing. It seems that the feelings you both had have long gone.

Alternatively you could put the song in the present tense and describe falling in love on the beach in summer.

Sorry for being so negative but you have created some great images and it seems a shame not to put them into a more recognisably song structure.

If you disagree please feel free to ignore me,

Keith
 
Read January 11, 2018, 11:45:26 PM #2
wkamen

Re: A Summer Place(revision)

Thanks for looking in but I don't think you can comprehend a good song.
It is currently being recorded and you will be the first to hear it
 
Read January 12, 2018, 08:39:31 PM #3
diademgrove

Re: A Summer Place(revision)


I don't think you can comprehend a good song.



There are many people who agree with you. Looking forward to hearing your song.

Keith
 
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