konalavadome

A Summer Place(revision)

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wkamen

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« on: January 08, 2018, 07:20:33 PM »
Summer was gone, fall was in full color
I Woke up to the sound of a cold rain
Wrapped in a memory as tears grip my face
Like raindrops hugging the window pane
I think about that song, a summer place
And picture you and me on that beach

I remember when I first saw you
Swayin’ to the rhythm of the waves
On that lonely stretch of beach
I walked up to you, looked into your eyes,
You said hi and in that moment, I was captured
I found a love for me hidden on that beach

I remember walking together
Barefoot in the sand, hand in hand
We stopped at the water’s edge
The soft sensuous touch of the breeze
embraced us and we had our first dance
listening to the song a summer place

Every time I hear that song
I picture you and me on that beach
Strange how a song sounds like a memory
Like a recording of a summer’s day
Somewhere, somewhere only we know.

I remember when we were sitting
On that lonely shore, the sun dipping
Into the sea, the scent of jasmine
Filling our senses, turning us on,
And we kissed. In that moment
We knew we belonged together   

I didn’t want this day to end
I didn’t want this day to ever ever end

             
Every time I hear that song
I picture you and me on that beach
Strange how a song sounds like a memory
Like a recording of a summer’s day
Somewhere, somewhere only we know.
Somewhere, somewhere only we know.




« Last Edit: January 21, 2018, 04:15:58 AM by wkamen »

diademgrove

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« Reply #1 on: January 10, 2018, 10:21:09 PM »
Hi wkamen,

I like your words but they read more like a poem than a song.

It appears the verses are of different lengths which makes it difficult, but not impossible, to set to music.

I find it slightly odd that you are explaining to the women you met what happened that day, after what I presume is a long period of time. I would be more interested in hearing what caused you to look back with such longing. It seems that the feelings you both had have long gone.

Alternatively you could put the song in the present tense and describe falling in love on the beach in summer.

Sorry for being so negative but you have created some great images and it seems a shame not to put them into a more recognisably song structure.

If you disagree please feel free to ignore me,

Keith

wkamen

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« Reply #2 on: January 11, 2018, 11:45:26 PM »
Thanks for looking in
« Last Edit: January 21, 2018, 07:44:26 PM by wkamen »

diademgrove

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« Reply #3 on: January 12, 2018, 08:39:31 PM »

I don't think you can comprehend a good song.



There are many people who agree with you. Looking forward to hearing your song.

Keith

wkamen

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« Reply #4 on: January 18, 2018, 03:20:06 AM »
Thanks for looking in diademgrove