[cowparsleyman]

Hi,

This is my first finished song in this forum, thanks for taking the time to listen to it, I hope you like it, and I'd be very grateful to anyone who can advise on how they think it can be improved.

https://soundcloud.com/cowparsleyman/these-early-hours


It was written like this. My Father died in 2013, which was a loss but not unexpected, then a year later his brother died too, he was similar to my Father in so many ways.

I just pictured God calmly pouring out 2 cups of tea, sitting at a coffee table with 2 chairs opposite each other, with a couple of sandwiches, finishing his and then saying something like, "OK must get back to work, and then saying to my Uncle in a way that only he could hear... "Oh by the way, it's time and your tea is getting cold", then he died.

It was all very clear to me at the time.

The lyrics are:
V1
I was thinking to myself the other day,
What happens when God decides to say,
It seems like we both know that it's time for us to go,
I just don't know how to carry on

V2
I was talking to myself the other night
didn't seem to help but it might
It's not within my power, to help you in these early hours,
So dry your eyes and try and get some sleep.

Guitar Solo

V3
Not thinking of anything at all
eyes are shut feeling very small
Gods face appeared and smiled
I've been watching you for quite a while
it's time and your tea is getting cold
it's time you know, and your tea is getting cold.
it's time and your tea is getting cold.


I played all instruments, and sang.

and for those who are interested...

The drums are Yamaha dtextremeIII
The guitar solo  is a classic vibe Squier Tele through a Palmer fat 50 valve amp, mic'd up.
The acoustic is a Gibson J30
The bass is a Yamaha trb4 through a roland cube 100
The shaker is an old cistern ballcock filled with rice.

Recorded in Samplitude Pro x3, I try not to process the sound too much.
Rode mics

Mastered with Sony Soundforge 11.

[kevysc]

I think this has a lot of potential. The lyrical concept is strong and the story hangs together well. You have a great voice and the guitar playing in particular is excellent. The song reminded me of an English Neil Young!

With regard to suggestions, firstly, I think the drums are a little off: the timing of this song would be challenging even for a human drummer, hence using loops is even more difficult. You could either try without drums, or perhaps try using one of the standard loops in Samplitude (there are many to choose from!) and then adjust the timing accordingly ... although I realise that's a lot of rework).

Secondly, if there was a chorus or even a short refrain, perhaps incorporating the "tea is getting cold" line, I think that would give it a stronger "hook".

Hope this helps,

Kevin

[cowparsleyman]

Hi Kevin

Thanks for your comments, much appreciated. never really considered myself as a singer...(mind you Hendrix didn't either) Blimey to be compared with Neil Young, that's praise indeed.

Your'e right about the drums, the ears don't lie....and maybe the shaker too in parts.

I just didn't really want a drum loop on this, as I wanted it to breathe a bit, it probably better if I try and nudge everything on the rhythm side back in time, maybe Melodyne can help me here.

Great idea about a refrain, I'll work on something using your idea.

Yes it does help Kevin, very much.

CPM

[Ramshackles]

Hey there
Had a quick listen I think the song could be improved if the melody changed on the 3rd line of every verse, e.g
"It seems like we both know that it's time for us to go,"

If the melody went up (to a max on 'know') somewhat here I think it would add a bit more interest to keep people hooked and resolve some of the tension from the first two lines.
Then on the second part of the line - "time for us to go", it would be cool if the drum and guitar rhythm broke here to just play & accent each beat:

"TIME for US to GO".

This would bring the verse to a nice close and provide the break/respite before going into the next verse/section.

It seems like its in E minor so you could end singing "Know" on top E and then either do "time for us to go" walking down B to G and maybe on the last one or something go for broke and jump up to top G and end on E


Just an idea 

[cowparsleyman]

Thanks very much for this, I agree, the song does sound like it's lacking ideas on the melody, thanks for pointing that out.

I really appreciate your time and comments.

CPM

[mickyplankton]

Cool song. Got a neat 60s/slacker vibe. Like a cross between Simon @ Garfunkel and Pavement. Good use of minimalist production. Emphasises the good guitar playing

[cowparsleyman]

Thanks Mickey and all

Thanks for the feedback, much appreciated.

I've just finished doing another version taking into account the comments from this forum, I recorded this a couple of years ago, so I was lucky that everything still worked.

I melodyned the slack drums, which was a first for me...and put some backing vox before the solo, (not so sure about those....) I didn't do the change in the Lead Vox, that might come later on, maybe other people have some more comments.

But all your comments were exactly what I need to stop thinking a song is finished.

Thanks very much.

Here's the link to the revised version. I guess this doesn't break the forum rules as it's the same song.

https://soundcloud.com/cowparsleyman/intheseearlyhours

 I won't delete the old one from Soundcloud becasue people might be directed to it from the earlier posts.

Thanks again

CPM

[Purple Cherry]

Oh boy, go back to version 1! Version 1 had heart and soul to it! Version 2 sounds exactly like what happened - ie you tinkered with certain things trying to achieve something better and ended up only with something different!

Whilst I agree version 1 was a little out here and there on the timings it was miniscule in reality, and more to do with the way the guitar part was dovetailing (or not) with certain parts of the drum lines. A really good bass player would sort that in a jiffy working with the drummer. I would stick with what you had first - which was Aimee Mann all over - and only ever re-do it if you come across a good, solid live rhythm section of human bass player and drummer who have worked together before. That is the only fix needed IMHO.

It's bloody brilliant.

[cowparsleyman]

Dear Purple Cherry, I'm glad you took the time to listen to it.

It's very much like painting in oils, it's all to easy to keep going, when one should stop.

My late grandfather used to say stop when you think you'd like to eat some more, wise words indeed.

The drumming issues on v1 did kind of prick up my ears a bit, and I don't know if you've recorded a lot, but you'll always remember those bits that should have been ironed out in the tracking stage.

I'd sacrifice accuracy for feel anyday. Just lsiten to most of my songs, you liked it didn't you, warts and all.

But I think I agree with you, I prefer the original.

Thanks again.

[Mikey]

Great song and well performed, I agree with the Neil Young comparison on the backing track, the vocal is not like him but is still great, I also prefer the first verson, even though there are a couple of places where the timing slipped a bit.

Nice job, Mikey (another Devon boy!)

[Martinswede]

Nice song! I prefer the first version. I think it leaves more to the imagination sound wise. But I'm a minimalist sometimes. I like the lead guitar sound, it works well with the acoustic guitar.

[cowparsleyman]

Thanks for the feedback, well, it seems that v1 is the way forward, despite the timing issues, I never considered myself to be a drummer, but at least I tried...

I'm really grateful for the comments from everyone, it seems the song is quite well received.

Regards

CPM

[PaulyX]

Hi Cowparsleyman, big welcome to the forum.
So listening to the first version, first impressions were:
- You've got a great voice.  You don't over-sing / over-emote.
- Nice acoustic guitar sound.
- I dig the "tea's getting cold" lines.  (I like it a lot when very un-rock-and-roll lines get used like this!)
- Very nice guitars solos.
- The ending seemed to peter out a bit, I'd make that a bit more defined I think.
 Then listening to the second version:
- Thought the extra reverb on your voice worked well.
- I liked the pre-chorus vocal additions.
On balance I'll buck the trend and say I prefer version 2 - a richer sound and because of those BVs.
Still need to fix that ending though!
Super song to show up with. Looking forward to hearing more of your stuff.
Pauly

[CaliaMoko]

You've gotten some good responses to your production, which I know nothing about, anyway, so I'll just say...I really like the words and your voice, and how you sing it. I only listened to the first version. I know there's nothing helpful here, but I wanted to let you know I like it a lot.

Vicki

[cowparsleyman]

Hi Cowparsleyman, big welcome to the forum.
So listening to the first version, first impressions were:
- You've got a great voice.  You don't over-sing / over-emote.
- Nice acoustic guitar sound.
- I dig the "tea's getting cold" lines.  (I like it a lot when very un-rock-and-roll lines get used like this!)
- Very nice guitars solos.
- The ending seemed to peter out a bit, I'd make that a bit more defined I think.
 Then listening to the second version:
- Thought the extra reverb on your voice worked well.
- I liked the pre-chorus vocal additions.
On balance I'll buck the trend and say I prefer version 2 - a richer sound and because of those BVs.
Still need to fix that ending though!
Super song to show up with. Looking forward to hearing more of your stuff.
Pauly

Hi PaulyX

Thanks very much for your comments, glad you like the song.

I like to use lyrics that are a bit unusual, as you say, away from the phone/home/love/breakup thing...

I've got plenty of ideas and previous pieces that don't conform to the mould, so if you keep an eye out, my next song I might put up is called 'special' it's everything that's special to me...

Hmm what does a poor man do, flip flop, between 1 and 2...yeah the ending, that's a thing with my songs, you've uncovered my sloppiness...endings should be tight as the begining I know, so I have to work on that.

Thanks again

CPM