[cowparsleyman]

I play music and write songs, I don't box myself into a genre, as you'll see from my Soundcloud profile.

This song just emerged, but I have no idea what melody line or lyric set would suit it, so I'd be very grateful for any lyiricst to put some words /melody line on it, I would probably put some 'Let's meet at the mall' 'back to the future' type of 50's voice over at the beginning, maybe, anyway I'm up for any ideas...Let me know what you think.

Thanks for listening


https://soundcloud.com/cowparsleyman/co-noshussness

I'ts title can be changed, this working title is a mis pronunciation of consciousness...

[Purple Cherry]

This is an excellent song! You have really nailed that American-teen-dance feel. Very high quality piece of writing. Unfortunately, lyrics for such a piece are out of my area but I wanted to say, nonetheless, that it sits right up there with the score to "Grease" so far as I'm concerned.

[cowparsleyman]

Wow, thanks very much indeed, that's really kind.

There's quite a bit more of my stuff on Soundcloud that you might like, I'm keen to hear your stuff.

CPM

[pompeyjazz]

Hi CPM. I really admire the energy and attitude in this song and you've obviously done a lot of work on it but it does sound one hell of a lot like Alternative Ulster by Stiff Little Fingers. If that's your intention,  fair enough.  You could vary the riff a little bit, drop another chord in there, add some different vocals and it would be a different song. Not a critic ism,  just an observation.

[cowparsleyman]

Hi Pompeyjazz

Thanks very much for your reply, that's really interesting to know about stiff little fingers, I've never heard anything by them, so that's kind of cool that it sounds like them, so obviously no it wan't my intention to sound like that, the chord structure is rather predictable, so I guess there was a risk of that, maybe the as yet unknown melody line will resolve that.

I was listening to it in the car this morning and I was thinking maybe a love shack kind of upbeat party type of vibe would fit, you know what I mean? a plasticky disposable party themed lyric, sung by an american female, with a couple of backing vox in the chorus.

What do you think?

Would that veer away any concerns?

CPM

[pompeyjazz]

Interesting as there are only so many chord progressions I guess but as you say a melody and vocal makes the song totally different.  I think the B52 idea is great and sorry if I appeared negative, that was not my intention as I think you have some cracking stuff

[S.T.C]

I'm getting a Rainbow' Since you've been gone' vibe.

[dasntn]

Sounds like a fun "teen" song

Had some lyric ideas - loaded with cliche I know!

I was hanging at the mall, trying to kill some time,
Like every Saturday
Then I saw her standing there, shining like a star of illuminosity

She was with her gang but I only saw the girl of all my dreams
Then he took her hand and my world exploded into misery

Shine like a star, seen from afar,
When will I have her close to me
She is so cool, I'm such a fool
She'll never even notice me

https://soundcloud.com/dasntn/nush-star for a melody idea
Apologies for the crap singing - not my key or style, but hey!

[cowparsleyman]

Interesting as there are only so many chord progressions I guess but as you say a melody and vocal makes the song totally different.  I think the B52 idea is great and sorry if I appeared negative, that was not my intention as I think you have some cracking stuff

@Pompey Jazz - It's OK you weren't negative, you were totally helpful, I had a glimmer of inspiriation for the melody line on the way home yesterday, but as you probably have experienced, they are gone in a blink of an eye, never to return, unless you stop and record it on your phone, like I sometimes do.

I need to reach out to others in this forum to get a collaboration with some American vocalists to catch the USA vibe, I'll be in touch....

Regards

I really like your Elizabeth song, just not the production...

CPM

[cowparsleyman]

Sounds like a fun "teen" song

Had some lyric ideas - loaded with cliche I know!

I was hanging at the mall, trying to kill some time,
Like every Saturday
Then I saw her standing there, shining like a star of illuminosity

She was with her gang but I only saw the girl of all my dreams
Then he took her hand and my world exploded into misery

Shine like a star, seen from afar,
When will I have her close to me
She is so cool, I'm such a fool
She'll never even notice me

https://soundcloud.com/dasntn/nush-star for a melody idea
Apologies for the crap singing - not my key or style, but hey!

Thanks for taking the effort to do the Vox idea, I like parts of it, the singing is fine, maybe give it a bit more balls, and stand a but further from the mic...backing vox always helps.

It's given me ideas...

I want to avoid anything negative, it all Up UP UP, referring back to love shack, there is no mention of not noticing me, nor breaking up, know what I mean?

It's all bubble gum, drive ins, malls, the ball game, mom and dad, surfing on the shore etc...

CPM

[cowparsleyman]

I'm getting a Rainbow' Since you've been gone' vibe.

Thanks for your comments....

Didn't expect that, after I recorded it , I thought it sounded a bit like The Inbetweeners TV theme...

It's tempting to plonk since you been gone melody on top....

CPM

[dasntn]

Thanks for taking the effort to do the Vox idea, I like parts of it, the singing is fine, maybe give it a bit more balls, and stand a but further from the mic...backing vox always helps.

It's given me ideas...

Happy to have given some input that sparks off other ideas - best of luck with the song!

[cowparsleyman]

After all your comments, I decided to give it a go and put some lyrics on this.

Here's the version 2

https://soundcloud.com/cowparsleyman/co-noshussness-v2-texas-twister

It's not mixed at all, the levels and the quality is a bit rough, I can put that right after I get your comments...

I must stress this is just a guide vocal,  The names in the Voice over part are the people from this forum who took the time to comment on it, so I thought I'd include them, I thought Pompey Jazz is a cool name.

On the real thing I would like the Voice over to be real, young American female voices, on the phone.
With party sounds

On the Verses I think My voice would be OK, with the same girls backing Vox.

On the Yeah after 'Are you ready'? That would be a group of male and female Americans

Fade - just the American girls

Here are the lyrics, I'm not convinced about all of them, nor the melody line, but it's a start.

So don't be afraid to be blunt...

Hope you like it.

Voice over
There's a party tonight, you gonna come?
Sure, who's coming?
PaulyX, Purple Cherry, Vicki, Pompey Jazz
Pompey Jazz? is he coming?

V1
Meet you at 7, be there at 11
I'll bring some crisps and a party 7
Vicki's got a sister, Wow Mister
She dances like a Texas Twister

Pre Chorus
All caught up and ready to go
A bit too tight, does it show?
All caught up and ready to go
Are you ready? Yeah Lets go lets go (repeat)

V2
Pulling up outside we can feel the beat
The place is cookin'
Vickis kissing in the kitchen
but what she's missing
is her sister twistin' like a Texas Twister

Solo

Watch our Mister a Texas Twister
rept
Watch out mister shes a Texas Twister.

[cowparsleyman]

Interesting as there are only so many chord progressions I guess but as you say a melody and vocal makes the song totally different.  I think the B52 idea is great and sorry if I appeared negative, that was not my intention as I think you have some cracking stuff

@Pompey Jazz - It's OK you weren't negative, you were totally helpful, I had a glimmer of inspiriation for the melody line on the way home yesterday, but as you probably have experienced, they are gone in a blink of an eye, never to return, unless you stop and record it on your phone, like I sometimes do.

I need to reach out to others in this forum to get a collaboration with some American vocalists to catch the USA vibe, I'll be in touch....

Regards

I really like your Elizabeth song, just not the production...

CPM

Hi PompeyJazz

I've done some lyric, and you're in them....

CPM

[cowparsleyman]

This is an excellent song! You have really nailed that American-teen-dance feel. Very high quality piece of writing. Unfortunately, lyrics for such a piece are out of my area but I wanted to say, nonetheless, that it sits right up there with the score to "Grease" so far as I'm concerned.

Hi Purple Cherry

I put some lyrics to this song, and you are in them....

CPM