[GoldenGuy]

I am trying to write a song that I've had in mind for a while and I started it yesterday and this is all I've written:


(1st Verse)

The night is young
You and I could get all along
Baby don't be rough
I don't want anything but your love

(Pre-Chorus)

Oh

This is the time I get all wild and wild and wild
I hope you see me being so nice so nice so nice
You're the six missing in my nine my nine my nine
There's no one else I can look at (mmm...)
I can look at (mmm...m)

The song is basically about me being the nine and I'm just trying to be with the person I think it's my six so we can be (69) and no, it's not a sexual song even it seems to go for that road, it's not  .

I like the song but I think there's lack of lyrics in the first verse and I don't know how to put more lyrics on it because I am afraid of starting from 0 again and I actually like the first verse and I get all confused and complicated on the first verse  , I like it simple but I think something is missing.

I will appreciate all your help
and if you want to send me a private message to help me there, I will appreciate it too! <3

[CaliaMoko]

Two things come to mind right away....

1. I'm not sure how much more you feel the first verse needs. Maybe you could expand a little just by padding out the lines a bit. Maybe something like:

The night is young; the moon is bright
You and I could get along all right
Baby don't be rough on me
I only want your love, you see.

A bit lame, I know, as I didn't spend much time on it. Maybe it'll give you some more ideas, though.

2. Although you say the 6 and 9 idea isn't intended to convey a sexual theme, I believe that is definitely the way it will be taken unless you can find a way to make that clear. I have no idea how to do that, though, unless you can change the numbers, or at least one of them. Otherwise, I think you'll have to get used to the idea of being taken the wrong way.

Hope this is at least a wee bit helpful.

Vicki

[GoldenGuy]

Two things come to mind right away....

1. I'm not sure how much more you feel the first verse needs. Maybe you could expand a little just by padding out the lines a bit. Maybe something like:

The night is young; the moon is bright
You and I could get along all right
Baby don't be rough on me
I only want your love, you see.

A bit lame, I know, as I didn't spend much time on it. Maybe it'll give you some more ideas, though.

2. Although you say the 6 and 9 idea isn't intended to convey a sexual theme, I believe that is definitely the way it will be taken unless you can find a way to make that clear. I have no idea how to do that, though, unless you can change the numbers, or at least one of them. Otherwise, I think you'll have to get used to the idea of being taken the wrong way.

Hope this is at least a wee bit helpful.

Vicki

Thank you for your help <3 I actually want people to think it goes sexual but It's not and I know it's so weird what I am doing but I like it haha. Thanks again for sharing your opinion, you helped me <3