[2tuoo]

Hi Everybody,

this is new Idea I'm developing - songs about the office life. Please tell me if such song deserves to be recorded and if I sacrificed too much grammar for the sake of rhymes.

Thanks!

Verse 1:
Ted is quiet , nice, polite
But today he’s not alright
On his fours, he’s under desk
Frankly, this is quite grotesque

In other cube sits HR Mary
We all fear her, very-very
Her lips move in quiet rage
Looks like victim for a change

Chorus:
Office life - the strong survives
Office life - like bees in hives
Office life - cannot escape
Office life (music stops) - I put under your mouse a piece of tape

Verse 2:
Harry figured tape prank first
Then removed it then he cursed
Squint his eyes, target found
Who knew Brianne could be so loud

Now he gets the consequence
Office staff in conference
Shaming Harry taking turns
What a noob I hope he learns

Chorus:
Office life - the strong survives
Office life - like bees in hives
Office life - Spice it up!
Office life (music stops) - office pranks are fun just don’t screw up

[Laptop Philharmonic]

We definitely need more songs about office life (instead of yet more songs about people who fancy each other). I do think you might need to un-sacrifice some of the grammar here though - I'm sure you could re-phrase it so it flowed better.

[tomcrocus]

Yeah i'm with Lappy,lovey dovey songs don't really float my boat,
unless they're a stand out song.
I like it i just think you need to tweak the grammar so it flows a bit better,
i don't want to intrude on your lyrics but maybe something as simple as,

Ted is quiet he's nice and polite
but today Ted,he's not alright
on all fours,he's under his desk
frankly,this is quite grotesque,

etc. etc.

I enjoyed the read,
                             all the best,Tom.

[Almosthumanrobot]

I like the lyrics, theyre fun. Id change two little things though. First chorus id go with: under your mouse is a piece of tape. It flows better imo.
Id also change noob to something more people are familiar with, like knob. Its Almost the same, but now you move away from using game language.

[Paulski]

Think the title should be "Office Life"?
It's a fun lyric - just needs some grammar fixes like other have said.
Love the chorus!

Paul

[2tuoo]

Thanks everybody for your suggestions, I'll do the fixing when I'll get to recording phase.

Paulski - Ofice life would be the title of the whole album, I have an outline for 13 songs in it. I think I'll write the parking lot lyrics next

[GTB]

On all fours beneath his desk, perhaps?