[Darren1664]

Hey

So this little project started a while back and I am pleased to be able to share it now, and I must thank again Pompey for all his work on getting this track to where it is now. He produced and added backing vocals, synth, the drums and probably more to this track. He's done a fab job and I am really pleased to have him work on another one of my tracks.

I am not overly keen on my own vocals (I struggle to hit the right notes). If you agree I'd love to hear any comment on improving my voice.

The song is basically about those things in life that we know aren't good for us but we simply can't resist them. We tell ourselves that a little bit more will be fine, that when the time is right we'll give up and move on but we just slip further and further into them because we're hooked.

Here's the link:
https://soundcloud.com/user-41129754/man-reborn-1

and the lyrics:

Man Reborn

I ride a boat to the fires of hell
I let my shame draw from the well
Of my soul, of my soul.

and I often think in quieter times, if I don't sink too low, that I might rise above these flames a man reborn but no...

Onwards I row.

Darker and darker my mind will go
Let blindly by a desire to know
Just how far I can go, Just how far I can row

and I often think in quieter times, if I don't sink too low, that I might rise above these flames a man reborn but no...

Onwards I row. Onwards I row...

And I've grown attached to the boat I ride
Consequences I've learned to hide
From myself
From those that love me best
and if I cared enough then
I'd seek help from above
I'd reach out with both hands
For guidance back to land

and I often think in quieter times, if I don't sink too low, that I might rise above these flames a man reborn...

and I often think in quieter times, if I don't sink too low, that I might rise above these flames a man reborn but no...

Onwards I row.


Many thanks to all. AND MASSIVE THANKS TO POMPS!!

All the best

Darren

[Silver Machine]

Hey Darren man, youre a pilgrim in a sick and twisted world dude.
Most rock songs are about getting up some speed on that highway to hell, but you wannna do a handbrake turn and check out the self help literature! Youre a saint, man!
One question man, why are you in a boat on the highway to hell?  It aint a canal to hell yknow?

Musically, yeah unusual riff and beat, very proggy but catchy, 1970s low bpm, tailor made for unsteady dudes in platform heels.
Liked it man, made me want to stomp about the house. 

[mickyplankton]

Hi Darren.

This is awesome. Liked it on the first listen, LOVED it on the second. It's got a real groove and is very very catchy in a slight slow burn kind of way. In my opinion, you don't need to worry about improving your voice. Not on this song at any rate. Your vocal range suits the key and it's not the kind of song where you need the vocals to be pitch perfect- not that they are noticeably off.
The lyrics and vocals are great. As is the guitar. What a great sound!
I'm not 100% sold on the synth. It starts to sound a little bit Pet shop Boys at one point, not that that is a bad thing. Just that the synth is a little high in the mix for my personal tastes. The guitar is the real star for me. Great ending too.
This is my fave song of yours by a mile Darren, really great work. Cheers Micky.

[pacho]

Wau.. guitar caught me from first moment , nicee
But voice looks for me little atmospheric and too dry , but if you will remaster it it will be Great
Nice lyrics i Quite like them

[Binladeda]

 This is great guys.....lovin it

 Moves along really well....great gtrs.  I think your vox is fine Darren.
 No one is ever happy with their vocals . Truth be told......
 So don't worry It has it all...confident, in the zone and full of
 character.....what more do you want

 Loved it 

[Viscount Cramer & His Orchestra]

Remember this one very well. Some songs on here - no disrespect anybody - don't stick in my head much but this one did.

Don't remember what I said about it before except that the   'and I often think in quieter times, if I don't sink too low, that I might rise above these flames a man reborn but no...' line is a cracker lyrically and melodically and I probably mentioned Jona Lewie.

Not 100% convinced that the treatment is right (though I'm getting used to it) but it's great to hear the bigger treatment nevertheless. Vocal ain't that bad either old son...maybe you could experiment with trying it in a higher key? Maybe you've done that already but if I'm not wrong this is in the same key as you did it before (I had a relisten to the old one) so maybe you've just gone with the key you wrote it in and not experimented....

Great song anyway. Bloody marvellous!

[Yodasdad]

Hi Darren,

Enjoyed this, liked the dirty, driving guitar riff and the rhythmic lyrics.

I didn't really notice an issue with the vocals but as suggested earlier, taking the key up might help you as it's quite low in you register.

Something else that might help is playing a guide melody in to use while your recording. The melody has a lot of movement which can be tricky to pitch and often when a note is quite a leap from the previous one,nthat can be tough too.  A guide melody would help you securely pitch the notes and then you just delete it when you're done.

Yodasdad

[rightly]

This is just great
I enjoyed listening from beginning to end, twice (!)
It made me smile and then unexpectedly chuckle.

Well done Darren! and Pompey!

[PaulAds]

Great lyric, refreshingly honest and clued-up...with a super, bone-crushing backing from PJ.

Brilliant work, fellas!

[Darren1664]

Hey hey

Thanks all for the listen and the feedback! Really appreciate the time and effort you forum goers put in

Silver Machine
Haha thank you. Great comments. I think I'm more of a 'sensi' than a saint. Most of my songs are about me trying to figure out what going on inside so are generally very reflective and self helpy. I guess I'm in a boat because I'm using the traitors passage Thanks for the feedback and all the best.

mickyplankton
Wow thank you! Really please about your comments with my voice. I suppose I notice the off notes more than other may but I'm you don't feel it affects the song. I appreciate your comments regarding the synth, although it something I particularly liked as I don't often get to use it (because I don't know how) . Really pleased to hear your comments. Cheers.

Pacho
Thank you for your kind comments. I'm really please you liked it.

Binladeda
Wow another great feedback, thank you. Chuffed again that you think my vocal is fine that's really nice to hear. I'm really pleased as well that you liked it - "confident, in the zone and full of character" you flatter me thank you so much!

Viscount
I really appreciate your time as you were very helpful during the WiP. Also really chuffed with your comments especially regards the lyrics. Your 100% right with the key - I never experiment but this is something I ought to work on! Thanks for the tip. All the best (and very much looking forward to the finished version of your WiP )

Yodasdad
Thank you! Glad you enjoyed and appreciate your helpful comments. A guide melody sound like a great idea. Something I can incorporate into my key choice. It's really great to get tips like this. Thank again for your time pal.

Rightly
Thank you very much for listening (twice?!  ) and for your kind feedback!

PaulAds
Ahh really nice to hear mate. I'm quite precious about my lyrics so any compliment to them make me beam!! Thanks for listening and commenting.

Thank you all!

Darren

[redrhodie]

Wow, I don't know how I missed this. Great song. I think your voice sounds fantastic. Love the driving rhythm and the melody. Lyrics are stuck in my head already. Really cool.

Lynn

[pompeyjazz]

 This song caught me from the first moment I heard it. It's one of those songs that won't go away and you sure don't want it to go away. Always difficult to comment on a song you have worked on as there iare going to be bias but I love this song ☺

[moraamarolaloba]

So funny! and I love this part "and I often think in quieter times, if I don't sink too low, that I might rise above these flames a man reborn..."

The reverb sounds me perhaps too different of the backing... too separated? Perhaps my headphones make me think that...

Me encanta.!!
Mora

[Paulski]

Yes! Onward we all row, don't we? 
Good stuff guys. I liked the echo treatment on the lead vocals and the lyrics are solid.

Nice work
Paul

[adamfarr]

I really liked your vocals, so there. For me this one didn't grab me at first but then the keys came in and really likted it. Perhaps they could come in a bit earlier, in the background? Also liked the theme and lyrics, and the onwards I row works well as a hook. Good one!