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December 14, 2017, 02:38:37 AM
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Read December 06, 2017, 03:09:41 PM #0
wkamen

A Summer Place

Whenever summer ends
and winter comes,
there are days
when the breeze is so cold-hearted
and the sun so heartless
that my body becomes dormant
waiting, longing for love.


As time slows I begin listening to a song
A Summer place
and begin thinking about you
and get high on a memory
a memory of you.

Strange how a song
sounds like a memory
like a recording of
a summer's day
on that beach
somewhere only we know

That first dance
feet in the sand
sinking deeper and deeper
as we listened to our song
a slow dance of what's to come

That first kiss at the spot
where the blossoming beach-pea
was binding the sand our hearts were
blossoming and binding our love.


Sometimes we'd shout,
sometimes we'd doubt,
but we knew
true love ways

As the sky coaxed the mood
from daylight to moonlight,
in the still of the night
you said stay,
And it was complete.

When I hear that song
I think about you
and get high on a memory
a memory of you
Strange how a song
sounds like a memory
like a recording of
a summer's day
on that beach
somewhere only we know.



____________________
 
Read December 08, 2017, 02:26:07 PM #1
shortwhat

Re: A Summer Place

this really paints a picture! quite an unusual structure but I imagine if you've got music in mind for it it'll work great.

A couple of the lines can be a bit clunky, just a small complaint, such as the line 'when the breeze is so cold hearted' that might throw off your vocal melodies, although obviously if you've got a tune in mind that it works for then ignore me;)

I'm a bit unsure as to what 'true love ways' means, perhaps you could elaborate, but overall this is a pretty great piece:)


16, singer-songwriter

Check out my album: http://joshshort.bandcamp.com/album/collarbones
 
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