The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Advanced Search
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?

Login with username, password and session length
December 14, 2017, 02:38:21 AM
Anthony Lane - Look what weve become | New album out now
Exciting TV Opportunity For Songwriters - Click Here For More Details:
Pages: [1] 2   Go Down
Topic Tools  
Read December 03, 2017, 09:18:30 AM #0

See You First

Hello. I wrote this about 2 years ago.
I remember not being excessively happy with the local Divas.
The song was brewing for a while, I got distracted with other songs and forget how to play this on guitar.
Instead of learning the song again, I decided to get busy with Cubase.
... and this is the result. Hope you enjoy it.


Feedback would be very welcome!!

See You First

    a good axe, a fine form and a full house

  can you dig this scene of clockwork clowns?

    little hierarchies 'mongst the mediocre

 I'm all too often hit when this stuff comes down

        watch that river running in reverse

 you will not see me, not if I should see you first

  the brothel basement, walled in, tortured soul

      blind to beauty from pillar to post

sings like a cowboy, never once saw a horse

'standing in what looks like bordelaise sauce

should you think that it could get no worse

  you don't phase me, not in any universe


         walk barefoot n' I've  got dirty feet

                 like any sailor far away from sea

  with a little love, what is there to lose?

      no one going nowhere no time soon

    inane skeletons, all poised for conquest

     n' falling nothing short of the burlesque

         over-hyped, deluded amateurs

we'll step outside, I'll take anything that hurts


            watching the river run in reverse

         you will not see me, not if I should see you first

Read December 03, 2017, 11:43:31 AM #1

Re: See You First

Jacques Brel meets Nick cave and the Bad Seeds with a touch of Alex Harvey, brilliant. Impressive lyrics with a melody to go with them.

The only thing that I'd change is the musical interlude at about 2:16. It doesn't seem to go with the mood of the song. That may just be me though.

Read December 03, 2017, 12:42:17 PM #2

Re: See You First

Hi Rightly.

I'm a massive fan of your music. But your move to Cubase is how I imagine it was for Dylan's fans when he switched to electric, albeit on perhaps a smaller scale :-)

In short, it takes a bit of getting used to. Some of your unique style, particularly with regard to rythm, is lost in the transition. And a great song becomes a lot more conventional sounding because of it.

I do like the organ, but I don't like the percussion. In particular that rim shot or whatever it is, just is irritating quite frankly as the song progresses. Appreciate you are getting used to a new DAW, and it's great that your music is evolving, but I think you should rethink the percussion in this instance and possible up the vocals slightly in the mix so that this wonderful song gets the backing it deserves. 


Read December 05, 2017, 12:50:42 AM #3

Re: See You First


Feck that was good - FECK!!  Grin Grin

Lyrics are astounding!!  Grin Grin
Sounded like the doors at times but totally original.

Fecking good  Grin Grin

That's all I got - tips hat and leaves room..

Read December 05, 2017, 11:56:57 AM #4

Re: See You First

Probably the best set of lyrics I’ve seen here. In fact, I like them as much as anything I’ve ever seen anywhere. I wrote something from a very similar perspective many years ago...but I’m relieved to find that I can’t remember how inferior it was compared to this.

Musically, it’s perhaps a little experimental at the moment...but it’s a big step forwards for you.

I’ve read the words many times over and like them more each time.

Knocked me out cold  Smiley

heart of stone, feet of clay, knob of butter
Read December 05, 2017, 05:15:49 PM #5
Viscount Cramer & His Orchestra

Re: See You First

Yes it's a great lyric and sounds great the way you enounce it. Some neat, unusual-in-a-song words which I would never think of for a song but which you make work brilliantly.

The backing is maybe not quite right but I still really like it....appealing as anything..the whole song is. The nutty breaks at 1.00 and 2.15 are my least favourite bits but so what...

Maybe could be chopped down about half a minute....

Sure to be a big hit!

Take it easy.

You can check my stuff out here. Mini-album getting bigger slowly. Free download if you're poor.

Easy Life - Viscount Cramer
Read December 05, 2017, 05:28:14 PM #6

Re: See You First

Sensational set of lyrics as usual Rightly. This has a slightly different sound to what we're used to you, I guess it's due to your move into cubebase. It's quirky and unusual and I really liked it  Smiley
Read December 05, 2017, 06:23:14 PM #7

Re: See You First

The lyric is an interesting abstract, but it doesn't suggest anything tangible. Not to me, anyways. But, I must admit to being sometimes slow on discovery. Maybe a hint as to what you were conjouring Grin.
The melody is generic; however, your delivery is forceful and, if I just knew what you are singing about Shocked
Always a marvel...........

"I know the truth, by my struggle against it"
Read December 05, 2017, 09:31:18 PM #8

Re: See You First

A really tightly packed song... dense lyrics full of imagery in every single line, and lots of layers of instruments all doing interesting things. Sometimes I wondered if I'd like a tad more space in the music to be able to hear what's going on a bit more (especially as the bassline sounds so interesting) but then again I did also like the insistence of it as it is... it is sort of relentless about making its point. A great way to lampoon who you're writing about without being too obvious about it. Dunno what the river in reverse is but I got a sense of the rest and loved it.

It's all too beautiful.
Read December 06, 2017, 01:05:07 PM #9

Re: See You First

Hi, your song creates a scenary full of the grotesque of life and its black and white shadows. It reminds me some french and spanish singer-sonwriter style, it is normal, you are describing a reality through the modern poetry...

Good track!
Hasta pronto. Mora

I did not know that to live we had to die so many times
My Youtube Channel:
Read December 06, 2017, 01:27:51 PM #10

Re: See You First

That was truly great. A piece of art. Fantastic, compelling lyrics. Music suited it perfectly. Loved it.


Life is just a dream.
Read December 06, 2017, 06:02:48 PM #11
Wicked Deeds

Re: See You First

This is crying out for a crisp acoustic to play alongside those cool drums.  I still think there is scope to lift this to new heights with further instrumentation and a vocal lift strategically placed in the structure. 

Well done, yet I still hear new avenues that you might explore with this one.


" I'm the thief who stole the riches in the night."
Read December 07, 2017, 11:13:10 AM #12

Re: See You First

Thanks for all that feedback. It's valuable, I appreciate it.

Although I'd really like to I haven't time to answer every post individually.

So I'm marvellously learning Cubase.
I'll make some fabulous mistakes which I won't be able to unmake.
It's quite time consuming but I'm lovin' it.

There are a lot of new possibilities with Cubase, still I won't stop rocking out with the stripped down basics of guitar n' voice.
lol. I get criticized whatever I do.
I've a whole bunch of songs that need recording, I expect Xmas to help me find the time.
It's all good, I feel like I'm  moving forward.

Thanks for the attention, the best is yet to come.

Read December 10, 2017, 05:24:09 PM #13
Morefrog Jones

Re: See You First

Great stuff - really enjoyed it.
When i get a bit more time hope to revisit the song to delve more deeply into the layers of a really good sounding piece of music.
Read December 12, 2017, 05:05:44 PM #14

Re: See You First

Thank you for all the positive and constuctive feedback
I think I'll leave this as it and move on.

Lots more to come.

Live and learn,
Pages: [1] 2   Go Up
Jump to:  

A Brand New Copy Shoppe project