[S.T.C]

Ok heres a demo i wrote and performed . I found a guy on Fiverr to redo it, our versions are more or less the same, his choice of pitch and intonation ,isn't always  like mine , but in other places he's improved on the original.
He does have a nice voice , but is Moroccan and his accent pokes thru now and again..which i quite like  

Me and my nephew ,whose become a bit of a whiz on guitar and keys ,are going to re-tackle it.
Target audience 12-35 + .

Your thoughts are welcome.

https://soundcloud.com/songsthatcry/ordinary-things

* Sorry song off line now for re-recording*

[Sing4me88]

That guy has got a pretty decent voice - I like his vocal. This demo is really stripped back so I guess a lot will depend on how it is fully produced. I gotta be honest and say that in it's current form it doesn't really strike me as a commercial pop song. It's not really Sheeran, not quite anyone I can think of that's trying to do the singer songwriter pop vibe at the moment - Shawn Mendes, Nial Horan, Harry Styles etc. I do think however that it feels like it would be a really good fit for TV or film placement. It has that kinda feel; I could imagine hearing it in the background on a TV show but can't imagine hearing it on the radio as a commercial pop song if that makes sense... it's early days though so production might change that.

The strongest parts are clearly the 'don't it make you smile' part and the 'hey don't worry' parts. Draw them out and who knows what this song could turn into. I gotta say I hate the harmonies in the background at the 'people got problems' part. They kinda dull any feel of this being a modern pop song IMHO - it kinda makes it feel like a 'nice' song more than anything else.

For a guy from Morocco he's done a pretty good job laying down this vocal in English. I'm not really getting the accent poking though so much apart from where the lines become more wordy and a little faster in the verses. For someone found on Fivrr I'm impressed by him.

[S.T.C]

I've listened to it too many times to be truly objective. I think i know what it needs to take it up a level or two.
Didn't really write it to be like a chart song, but a commercial one nonetheless. This guy was on the Moroccan version of The Voice i think, thats why i used him.
My nephew (18) said it did sound like a Sheeran song , again not what i was attempting to do, but the title Ordinary things, is inspired by his subject matter..everyday ,ordinary life events.

The BV's are needed to give it some depth , he had more as well in other parts,that i got him to remove.

[Sing4me88]

I actually dig the title. It, more so than the song, has a Sheeran ring about it. There's always the temptation to try and go really far 'outside the box' with hooks and titles but somethings it just works and feels right to keep it simple and bang on point. 'Ordinary things' works because it just does... I can't really articulate any further reason other than it just inherently seems to work IMHO!

[Oldbutyet]

Ok heres a demo i wrote and performed . I found a guy on Fiverr to redo it, our versions are more or less the same, his choice of pitch and intonation ,isn't always  like mine , but in other places he's improved on the original.
He does have a nice voice , but is Moroccan and his accent pokes thru now and again..which i quite like 

Me and my nephew ,whose become a bit of a whiz on guitar and keys ,are going to re-tackle it.
Target audience 12-35 + .

Your thoughts are welcome.

https://soundcloud.com/songsthatcry/ordinary-things

Hey STC, you got something here, first of all tbh i didn't listen to it all but i play it a few times and i have to say those lyric lines at the start i think really brings the listener into the song and thats a great start to have, can picture it for real, im still going to listen to more of this but on first thoughts i think those lyrics could be repeated at the end, not to sure about the last three lines of the next verse but as i said will listen again but i really like the start.

Im talking ,about, ordinary things
like,when,the hope don't stretch ..
to the end of the week
money for a friday night
or when your hair just dont look right
makeup on and looking bright,
going to find some love tonight,

don't it make you smile
sometimes..
don't it make you smile

[Oldbutyet]

Okay what about keeping the next verse like this.

i'm thinking about ordinary things
like the moment the doorbell rings
and it's your friends come to say hey
makes the most of a rainy day

don't it make you smile
sometimes..
don't it make you smile

[Oldbutyet]

Not to sure about this verse, sounds like a bridge but to much of it to hear if you know what i mean, maybe go with the flow that flows with the flow.

windows that let a cold draft thru
so you throw a cover over you
mailman left your parcel in the rain
signal was down so they cancelled the train
you missed the closing of the store
it was 30% off ....or maybe more
and those red boots, that your daddy saw
will have to wait for the next sale

[S.T.C]

Thanks for the FB.
The 1st verse is there to do what you say, draw the listener in,establish the theme of the song.
To shorten the 2nd vs as you suggest would create an imbalance between vs1/and2 .
The other vs, acts as more of a M8 as it is...although its adding more detail to the story,things that are relatable,
 1st as you say could be repeated as a type of outro.

[Viscount Cramer & His Orchestra]

Very good STC.

Very importantly it grips the listener quickly...well it did me anyway. Verse is real nice and the 'don't it make you smile' refrain is great.

Fuller arrangement is going to bring out the chorus and pre-chorus (?) much better but I can hear it ok anyway....it's good.

My only thought is to not have the pre...the 'people got problems' bit again towards the end, just repeat the 'hey don't worry' bit again...so v3, pre, chorus, chorus.

You'd lose about 20 seconds too which would be good!

[S.T.C]

Very good STC.

Very importantly it grips the listener quickly...well it did me anyway. Verse is real nice and the 'don't it make you smile' refrain is great.

Fuller arrangement is going to bring out the chorus and pre-chorus (?) much better but I can hear it ok anyway....it's good.

My only thought is to not have the pre...the 'people got problems' bit again towards the end, just repeat the 'hey don't worry' bit again...so v3, pre, chorus, chorus.

You'd lose about 20 seconds too which would be good!

Ok thanks. taken on board and will be considered.

[devilhoned]

I agree with most of the other reviews, I think the title is good, so are the lyrics; nice theme. Didn`t One Direction do an Ed Sheeran song called `Little Things?` I didn`t google... ;)but this has more of a shuffling pace, maybe that could be brought in a bit more, so the lyrics are brought up to the front a bit more Dylanesque, so he`s singing about Ordinary things` in a pretty,deep scathing way.  Sheeran tends to a bit more vulnerable/passive, this could be a bit more `Thinking Out Loud`--the song`s in there.it just needs to get let out!
Ever thought of a female vocalist singing it from a female point of view?

[S.T.C]

I agree with most of the other reviews, I think the title is good, so are the lyrics; nice theme. Didn`t One Direction do an Ed Sheeran song called `Little Things?` I didn`t google... ;)but this has more of a shuffling pace, maybe that could be brought in a bit more, so the lyrics are brought up to the front a bit more Dylanesque, so he`s singing about Ordinary things` in a pretty,deep scathing way.  Sheeran tends to a bit more vulnerable/passive, this could be a bit more `Thinking Out Loud`--the song`s in there.it just needs to get let out!
Ever thought of a female vocalist singing it from a female point of view?

Starting from your last suggestion , yes i did. It's a bit more of a female orientated sentiment, but when i heard the guy i used, i felt i could trust him to bring something out of the song?

I agree that it could be something else, like you say...i can also hear a song within a song , but it's articulating it to a third party that's the issue.

[Oldbutyet]

Ok heres a demo i wrote and performed . I found a guy on Fiverr to redo it, our versions are more or less the same, his choice of pitch and intonation ,isn't always  like mine , but in other places he's improved on the original.
He does have a nice voice , but is Moroccan and his accent pokes thru now and again..which i quite like  

Me and my nephew ,whose become a bit of a whiz on guitar and keys ,are going to re-tackle it.
Target audience 12-35 + .

Your thoughts are welcome.

https://soundcloud.com/songsthatcry/ordinary-things

Sometimes when listening to a song you pick on what you like to hear, first part of the song is really good but second part ? this guy good but did he put the melody to this and what freedom did you give him on your lyrics.

Sorry 

[S.T.C]

Ok heres a demo i wrote and performed . I found a guy on Fiverr to redo it, our versions are more or less the same, his choice of pitch and intonation ,isn't always  like mine , but in other places he's improved on the original.
He does have a nice voice , but is Moroccan and his accent pokes thru now and again..which i quite like  

Me and my nephew ,whose become a bit of a whiz on guitar and keys ,are going to re-tackle it.
Target audience 12-35 + .

Your thoughts are welcome.

https://soundcloud.com/songsthatcry/ordinary-things

Sometimes when listening to a song you pick on what you like to hear, first part of the song is really good but second part ? this guy good but did he put the melody to this and what freedom did you give him on your lyrics.

Sorry 

No he didn't do the melody, it follows mine, he did change the feel a bit, but essentially they're close.
i gave him no freedom on the lyrics ,the only change he did was to add another 'dont it make you smile' line on the 1st verse ,this was to make it work for him,,i didn't need to do this with the guitar chords i used.

[Oldbutyet]

Ok heres a demo i wrote and performed . I found a guy on Fiverr to redo it, our versions are more or less the same, his choice of pitch and intonation ,isn't always  like mine , but in other places he's improved on the original.
He does have a nice voice , but is Moroccan and his accent pokes thru now and again..which i quite like  

Me and my nephew ,whose become a bit of a whiz on guitar and keys ,are going to re-tackle it.
Target audience 12-35 + .

Your thoughts are welcome.

https://soundcloud.com/songsthatcry/ordinary-things

Sometimes when listening to a song you pick on what you like to hear, first part of the song is really good but second part ? this guy good but did he put the melody to this and what freedom did you give him on your lyrics.

Sorry 

No he didn't do the melody, it follows mine, he did change the feel a bit, but essentially they're close.
i gave him no freedom on the lyrics ,the only change he did was to add another 'dont it make you smile' line on the 1st verse ,this was to make it work for him,,i didn't need to do this with the guitar chords i used.

As a writer of words poetry/lyric co/writer of songs i find that off putting, let the pitching knock your doors and just go with the flow, you got something good here but you're pitching to much in the second part