Hey!
Some of this works for me, some of it doesn't. I like where it's coming from, i think we can all relate to that. First verse is good, second needs work. Third verse also needs work, sounds forced. Fourth, kicks off with a couple of powerful lines, but the last two let them down. Your heart was in the right place when you wrote this bud, and although it's good, can't help feeling it could have been something special with a little more thought.
Vintage54