[pacho]

Hello everyone
this is my first post on this website.
Thisa song telling about my time i was very confused because of womens of course. Then i was confused about injustify in world.
I want my song published but this isnt the best one of course.. its just first i completed whole.
I have it in SoundClou and YouTube too.. Thank you for listening it.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QqJkm_Wot4g&list=PLWxHxWuydiCpNf-US78n8gj8EIEOAwMXo&index=1
https://soundcloud.com/patriciomusica/confused

LYRICS :
I wasnt confused when I was walking on the water
I had sunglasses and new touristic shoes
I could see nothing from there

irds are flying in the water
I can see them clearly breathing underwater
Trees burning, smoke goes down
I see fire then dont do any harm

Ocean and skyes , replacing each other
I see murder of those two lovers
replacing water by our Sun
mine, bright , we want another one

So f**ng confused
And i want noose to see
How i cant breathe
Im drowning on the smallest hill



Cause out of there i can see
How everyone just pays those bills
How everyone just make them feel
Not good, but be on the top of the sphere

MAybe you must have no hearth
Or dont care about others
wanna collecting your pieces of sun
Maybe once, it was fun

So f***ng confused
And i want noone to see
How I cant breathe
Im drowning in the smallest hill

[Yodasdad]

Hi Pacho, welcome to the forum.

I really like the piano sound that you're using here. I also like the idea of the double intro with the vocal then the piano. I might bring the verse lyrics in sooner though as it's quite a while before the song gets going with the long intro.

I've read your comment on my song, thanks. There are plenty of people who I hear and I feel exactly the same. Also, don't try to be anyone else, just write what you enjoy and have fun doing it.

For a first song (I think you said) this isn't bad at all. Sure there are lots of things that could be improved but everyone starts somewhere.

Look forward to hearing the next one.

Yodasdad

[pacho]

Thank you man 

I want to ask .. Can I share two song in th limit 14 days but one finished and other dont finished?
Yea Im triyng to be myself but sometimes it suck 

[Yodasdad]

Hi, yes,

You can put one in finished and another one in unfinished.

You'll probably also find that the more reviews you do of other people's songs, the more people will take an interest in yours. Good to see you getting stuck in straight away.

Yodasdad

[PaulyX]

Yo Pacho, welcome to the forum.  Your first completed song eh?  Welcome too then to the wonderful, addictive, frustrating, fulfilling, confusing world of songwriting.  It's a life sentence, man.
You can tell from this track that you've got a really emotive voice, full of character.  An interesting, slightly experimental arrangement too, and like Yoda's Dad pointed out a really good piano sound.  I wasn't too clear on the structure of the song (is there a chorus etc) but freeform songs can be interesting too, so no need to climb into a box of convention if the muse is taking you that way.
Looking forward to hearing more of your stuff.

[Skub]

Yo macho,welcome to the forum,it's good to see you taking part. 

It's an interesting and unconventional piece with surreal upside down imagery.

I enjoy the fact that it's different and not trying to be something other than your song. Be yourself and be honest with yourself.

If indeed it is your first song,then you are off and running. 

[pompeyjazz]

Hi there Pacho and welcome to the forum.  I can see that you've made a huge effort with this song and it is essentially all there. There are a couple of things that are negative but can be easily rectified. I know the Canary Islands are sometimes windy but it sounds like you recorded your vocals on a windy beach as there are some noises there that distract from a very promising song. Good to see you getting involved in the forum as well.

[beckylucythomas]

Very unique sound and personality..  liked it when you went a bit talky towards the end.

I like the piano part a lot in the instrumental parts, although I thought it was maybe a bit too simple where it gets simple during the singing parts. And I like the bass part.

Something could pull the whole thing together a bit more... Maybe it's a bit dry, especially the drum part? Maybe more reverb? But commenting on production definitely isn't my strength, so maybe it's not that... I don't know...

Interesting first song! 

[pacho]

Thank to everyone 
Its interesting that sound you like so much is from FL Studio mobile   . But yea, lovely sound.
I think Im going to redone that song in Studio One with better recording hardware than a mobile

BTW: Can someone tell me some good plugin for guitar? And advice how can I record Ukulele to sound good. Until now it sound very bad...
Can be problem of the mic?

[Silver Machine]

Hey Pacho, I really dug the whole thing, man. It came and went leaving me thinking wow that's how to write lyrics. There's some cool weirdness in those lyrics.
Of course it could be you intended otherwise, and it's all got skewed in translation from your native language.
The music was cool with the looping bassline and the piano. But yeah, women confusion and injustice I aint never heard described like that before. That's poetry to my eyes.

[refusedrevival]

Hi,

Really nice piano playing and the piano sound in song.
I argee, the first verse could start earlier. The drums (or pecussion) are little bit too up
in the mix.

Anyway I like the track.

refusedrevival

[pacho]

Thank  you refuse derival and Silver Machine

Silver Machine: Thak you so much , I enjoy fact that you like it and you named it real poetry. Mayority of the people i show this trought it is just some random phrases

refuserevival : Thank you too , yea.. Its too late for first verse..