[Gill]

Hi all, got my first song post on the way . Wrote this song not too long ago and is about coping through bad times with the people that are beside you

Any feedback is greatly appreciated. thank you!

https://soundcloud.com/fhaos/just-as-long-as-i-have-you-in-my-arms

When the ground began to shake
Water spilled from the lake
Wait in pain
For the rain
To create it again

Stormy seas beyond the shore
Swept away natures door
Broken wings
Deep within
Where the birds used to sing

If you're lonely
Come and hold me
I'll be good to you

Memories binding
You're reminding
All that we've been through

They're are troubles in my heart
They've been there from the start
But they wont even matter

Just as Long as I Have You in My Arms

On the earth before it spun
All were graced with the sun
Gone from light
To the night
When it went out of sight

All the leaves come falling down
Then they lay on the ground
Gone from green
Turn to brown
When autumn comes around

If you're lonely
Come and hold me
I'll be good to you

Memories binding
You're reminding
All that we've been through

They're are troubles in my heart
They've been there from the start
But they wont even matter

Just as Long as I Have You in My Arms

© S. Gill

[Krysoe]

Dear Fhaos good to see you posting here in the forum.

If this is your first song, you have done well. Musically, you have made a nice little melody that supports your text. Lyrically I think English speaking forum members are better to comment than me.
Recording technically, you can enhance the impression by dragging the individual instruments a little further into the sound image, and in some places reinforce them more clearly. But again it's a good start and you will probably get some good technical hints from the other forum members.

Continue the good musical craftmanship

[Yodasdad]

The vocals and melody to this remind me of something but I can't pinpoint exactly what. It's either a Stevie Wonder track or early Michael Jackson. I'm leaning towards Stevie (although he can't see me)

Melodically very nice first track, what took you so long man?

For me what this needs is filling out musically, some lush harmonies and thick textures to really bring out and support that melody.

Nice first song.

Keep em comin

Yodasdad

[pacho]

I like melody .. But how there Yodasdad said.. You need to fill it musically.Which program youre using to record? and componing?

[Gill]

Thanks guys for feedback. Yes, production isn't my strong suit but hope to learn that as I go. I use Mixcraft and I don't have a proper mic as of yet. MJ and Stevie are my favourite artists so the song probably transpired from them in a way

All points on board cheers 

[PaulAds]

Nice track, buddy.

You have a really good and quite distinctive voice...

Yeah, it needs beefing up a bit in the mids and lower end...even a simple one note per bar bass patch would help anchor it down a bit.

A great start and please keep them coming