[Martinswede]

Hi! The lyrics of this song was written by Rightly and I've made the music and recorded it.
I decided to make a simple vocals and guitar recording with no fuss. The song has some rock potential but I focused on the vocal melody.

This is my first recording with a click track and bar measurement so feel free to point out if you hear any off beats or timing issues.

I used a lot of reverb to capture the haunting sounds of rock n roll and some sweet Old Testament anger. Too much?

Great lyrics to work with. I just had to make them sound heavy.


https://soundcloud.com/k-martin-j/the-mark-of-cain-lyrics-by-rightly

The Mark Of Cain

First man borne of earthly woman
Wakeful and fresh as the morning dew
As the heavens fell he was as false as hell
Over which he was meant to rise and rule

Crouched was sin, waiting in desire for him
Only one shade darker than quicksand
Sunken in haste as he tried to mask all trace
Blood of Abel crying out from the land

Rolling and rounded, running in a circle of blood and grain
We never truly were forgiven, only smitten with the...
The mark of Cain, angry and vain
The Mark of Cain

Expelled from all the glory of Eden
Sent forth and far from the grace of God
With flesh of his brother and the fruits of the field
'Built a city, 'settled in the land of Nod

Industry of lust, engines of sin
We begin with all fair favors spent
Of sound n' fury, live n' love thy misery
Daggers in the smiles both of foe and of friend

Thus were laid the laws of human nature, n' they don't change
The dye is cast from the first unto the last, with the...
The mark of Cain, angry and vain
The Mark of Cain

Rolling, rounded, running, a circle of blood and of grain
We never truly were forgiven, only smitten with the...
The mark of Cain, angry and vain: The Mark of Cain

[EmmanuelT]

Hey!
Definitely getting some good Dylan vibes from this! I think your perform the song well, you sing passionately and it sounds great. The only thing is that you can tell that the song is a poem being made into a song and that they sound a bit disjointed together. It doesn't fit quite right, but I can imagine taking a straight poem and making it into music is a difficult task. Maybe forcing yourself to play with a click track isn't the best option here since some of the lines feel rushed while others drag.

I love the dooming presence of the track, and I think the reverb only adds to that. Keep it.

All in all, I think you have a great poem on it's own, and a great song on it's own. For me they don't quite marry that well just yet. But there's potential here for sure!
/Em

[rightly]

Well I'm very happy with this. 

An unexpected surprise. Thanks a lot Martin!

I don't find there's too much reverb
I'm not good at mixing myself so it's usually difficult to evaluate someone else's efforts.

The poem to song thing, which some might take issue with doesn't mean much to me, I've never liked those roxette type rocky - pop songs.

A song with good lyrics doesn't mean it's a poem with music  -  It means (drumroll...) it's a song with good lyrics.
          (y' can quote me on that  )

[pompeyjazz]

Rightly's lyrics are always superb so a great starting point to work from. I didn't think there was too much reverb based on what you were trying to achieve. I like the whole vibe of the song.

[Yodasdad]

Dark delivery matches the dark lyrics well.

This sounds like the kind of track that would have been used on the Sons of Anarchy series.

Look out for another season being made and get it in there.

Good work

Yodasdad

[montydog]

Hi,

I think your vocal sounds rushed and uncertain. Singing to a click track is something I found difficult to do and i think that it's getting in the way here. There needs to be more room for the lines to breathe. The acoustic guitar sounds muddy and I think there is too much reverb going on. I like your voice - it has great potential for authority and you have done a good job with the melody. Lyrics are first rate. This could be good but it needs a re-think OMHO.

M

[Martinswede]

Thank you for your replies! This song has been a real learning experience.

EmmanuelT: Thank you. The lyrics did a lot of the hard work.

Rightly: Thanks for the opportunity to go in a different direction. I mostly write love songs.

pompeyjazz: Thank you!

Yodasdad: Thanks! Wasn't that kid called Abel?

montydog: Thank you for your honest opinion. I struggled a bit to find a good bpm, ended on 140. Somehow a slower tempo didn't work, it just got fast/slow/fast/slow. Had to use my spare guitar on this one and it doesn't have the same clarity.

Martin

[Yodasdad]

Sure was...that's spooky!

Yodasdad

[Skub]

Yo Martin.

I really like this

I'm another fan of Rightly's offbeat lyrical observations,always surprising,always entertaining.

The brevity of the song kind of caught me by surprise,but I'm into short songs at the moment,so all is good!

Mumbly and indistinct vocals have always had their place in music. Note,one of my fav songwriters and performer, John Martin and the song Hurt in your heart. It's a barely human cry from the depths of his soul and yet is so musically articulate and communicates so much. It's the cry of hurt itself.

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=john+martyn+hurt+in+your+heart&view=detail&mid=08CD98F70C60AB4A286A08CD98F70C60AB4A286A&FORM=VIRE

I agree in some ways with montydog,forget the click track and let the song ebb and flow as you want. You are the one to create the dynamics.

[PaulyX]

Woo, that was powerful.  Powerful in the way Nick Cave's stuff is powerful... strong Biblical imagery and brooding delivery.
I've not heard you sing in that register before Martin (bit deeper than you normally sing?) and I thought it suited your voice very well.  For me, the reverb was fine (necessary for the vibe, I felt).
There's some knockout lines in the lyrics - the "circle of blood and grain" and the "daggers in the smiles" are little gems.
A great collaboration.

[Martinswede]

Thanks Skub and PaulyX!

This recording is in E minor. Earlier I would probably have done it in G minor. I've had problems with singing all summer and autumn and half step by half step (yes ha ha) lowered my pitch. This has worked well and somehow after giving up my 'bright is beautiful' ideal of singing I've become better at controlling my voice. That's the hard lesson of never having a vocal coach it seems.

Martin

[kevysc]

The lyrics are powerful and I like the dark broody Nick Cavve vibe. However, I agree with the comments to slow down the lyrical delivery ... sing fewer words per line and I think it will work even better.

[Paulski]

Hi Martin/Rightly

LOve the lyrics and the vocal tone in this.
I really think it just needs practice to make it flow better.
Like sing it 50-60 times before pressing record IMHO.

It's a diamond in the rough 
I liked it 
Paul

[JoeAntaine]

I agree with the guy above, I hear this just dripping of nick cave. I love Nick Cave. I don't feel you have a perfect marriage of music and lyric, a little crowded, I love the hook though.

[IronKnee]

Hey there Martin.........The lyrics are very strong, here......you did a good job with your melodic treatment. The music allows the story to paint some striking images.
A great folk treatment to a story of Biblical proportion
Kudos, man!!
                        -Tom