[rightly]

wrote this, this morning
the music will be the challenge. I've been writing good songs lately, i don't want to break this run
Exhausting to keep it up but I've no choice really.

feedback would be most welcome  



   Jezebel

 if ever a devil was born
violent and rude, a star of the dawn
if ever an angel fell,
 it would be you, Jezebel.

 if ever there were two eyes
 to take the blue from out of the sky
giving me heaven and hell,
in that same tune, Jezebel
 the one and the only
 at times it gets lonely
 soon she will know me. . . better

 that's where it is, these are the parts
 this is my kiss and here is my heart
 they say only time will tell
 if it is true,  Jezebel
 I will not be surprised
 if she tells me a lie
  I'm just glad t'have met her

the one and the only
 she still wants to hold me
 now she will know me. . . better

if ever an angel fell,
it would be you, Jezebel


________________________________


final draft. I think it's finished.  

[Vintage54]

   Howdy Rightly,
      Good songs lately you say, and if this is anything to go by, i can't disagree. I don't think you'll have too much trouble finding music for this, it flows so easily. Good write, and good luck with the music, i look forward to hearing it.

                           Vintage54

[Skub]

I'd change nothing,Rightly. 

[2tuoo]

Great song, Feels epic!

I'm a bit puzzled over the last part

I will not be surprised
 if she tells me a lie
   I'll never find better
the one and the only
 she still wants to hold me
 now she will know me. . . better

are those 2 sections, 3 lines each?

[SFX]

I love this. reminds me of a swaggered up version of Jolene with attitude, good job!

[rightly]

Great song, Feels epic!

I'm a bit puzzled over the last part

I will not be surprised
 if she tells me a lie
   I'll never find better
the one and the only
 she still wants to hold me
 now she will know me. . . better

are those 2 sections, 3 lines each?

Hi, thanks for your comments

yes, 2 sections, 3 lines each.

still working on the music.

I've changed it a little now. I think it's a bit clearer.

[Mike67]

Great images and I really like to mix of stable and unstable, which gives a sense of ominousness (if that's even a word). Great writing and imagination. This comes from a deep place.

[rightly]

Great images and I really like to mix of stable and unstable, which gives a sense of ominousness (if that's even a word). Great writing and imagination. This comes from a deep place.

Thanks for your comments Mike.
It all works musically. I rarely get time to play or practice these days but I will get there.
Ominous? This is the closest I've got to a, that kind of.  Iove  song.
Women and attachment always bring trouble. Still the stuff of which dreams are made. (!)
I think my GF likes it. She's not a musician, she doesn't know the difference between practice n performance.
I think she likes the words.

Lol. Deep... I don't think so. It's not daft, though daft certainly has its place. I get that a lot, that my songs are deep. What's the opposite of deep? And why would anyone take a pen and put it to paper?

Maybe I'm completely wrong, n I'm completely one dimensional.
And everything I see is deep.

[Paulski]

Hi rightly

I'll tell you what I'd change here - absolutely nothing 
Calling someone a "Jezebel" casts a bad light at least where I come from so it totally works here.
You R def on a roll - so roll on! 

Paul

[rightly]

hahaa.   

I've finished it
Took a lot of work but now it's done

I don't know if it's a lurve song