[Wolfini]

Hi there!

This is my entry for the "Dark Side of the tune" competition.

Criminal Offence

It is not that dark actually, but at least the words "lost in the dark" make an appearance. Dark enough for me. ;-)

It felt good after a lot of acoustic recordings to pull out the plugs a little this time.

Have fun and all comments welcome,
Bye Wolfi

Lyrics:

What did I do? What did I say
that I lost my right to stay?
What's the reason you have sent me away?

Wasn't I good? Didn't I work?
Didn't I earn my livelihood?
Didn't I keep my promises?

You have pushed me over the edge
There is no way I could ever forget

You have thrown me right out of your heart
now I am stranded lost in the dark
I am trying to get back through the fence
but you act like that's a criminal offence

Where should I go? What can I try
to make you let me back inside,
to make you open me the door?

You have pushed me over the edge
There is no way I could ever forget

You have thrown me right out of your heart
now I am stranded lost in the dark
I am trying to get back through the fence
but you act like that's a criminal offence

[PaulAds]

Nice going, Wolfi

Quite a jaunty feel to it despite the subject matter...and it bounces along nicely. Perhaps the lead guitar is a tiny bit out of tune here and there? Might be better slightly further back in the mix with a little chorus or a touch more reverb or something on there? Nice tight lyric, a good hook and I really like the drums too.

Good luck in the competition! And thanks for posting 

[Cmerk]

I liked a number things about this tune.The melody was catchy and had a good range. The switch from double time to half time from the intro to the verse, then back to cut time for the chorus, is effective.  Drum track and rhythm guitar laid nice. Production wise, I agree that some effects on the guitar solo might be nice. I also think doubling the vocal on the chorus, maybe adding a harmony, would add variety to the arrangement and form.

[Skub]

Yo Wolfi.

Holey sheet,this started off with Genesis Nursery Cryme and I was back in 1971.   RetroWolfi.

What folk notice with the lead guitar is,if you don't use vibrato on long notes,then you must be sure of pitch. Most guitarists hear this as they play and adjust accordingly. A good thing to remember is,the human ear detects a sharp note way before a flat one,so if in any doubt...

[moraamarolaloba]

Your tune takes me back to other Time! I think the same than Cmerk, may be?
Good chance! Mora

[Bill Saunders]

I like your vocals, and the tune is strong throughout. Others have said about the guitar tuning, 'fraid I noticed it too. Worth perusing as you have the makings of a strong song here.

[2tuoo]

Nice tune!

I like it that it feels "old time" and has an Indie edge to it

[Paulski]

Hi Wolfi

This has an immediate welcoming feel to it.
Liking the the chord progressions and it's a good hook.
The lead guitar is a bit too in-yer-face for my tastes, but keep in mind I'm a piano guy 

Good song!
Paul

[Wicked Deeds]

Hello Wolfini,

This is indeed a jaunty performance but it also communicates great sadness. The lyrics are very direct and the musical performance is strong. I love how the song stands up with the use of minimal instruments.

Well done!

Paul

[PaulyX]

Great title, good structure and strong melodies Wolfini.
I also had backing vocals come to mind as a suggestion, maybe scuzz up the guitars a bit too as a way to add energy.
It's already a strong, plaintive song though. The melody sticks with you. Opening with that guitar riff is quite arresting.
Good luck in the comp!

[adamfarr]

Really like the song concept and title! Lyrics are really good all though. There's something really nice and familiar about it - usually that means it's a really strong song as everything just fits as if from the past (I'm definitely not saying that this is derivative of anything in particular!!)

Very catchy and well put together.

[shadowfax]

Ditto the above remarks, just feel that a little bit more polish needed here and there but a good song my friend..

[pompeyjazz]

Hi Wolfi, This would win a happy song contest, it's so upbeat. Then I reflected on the lyrics and thought No... You seem to have a knack at writing these songs that get stuck in your head, and that is some gift man 

[Wolfini]

Thanks a lot everyone for all those nice and helpful comments!

@Paulads, Skub and others: so you noticed my bending glitches... oh well. Lead guitar is not my forte and I am just starting trying to add bends. What you hear is the best parts of three takes, but still... I thought maybe it fits the character of the song. Lame excuse, I know. I'll see if I manage yet a better take.

@Cmerk: Thanks for the suggestions. I put some flanger on the vocals in the pre-chorus, and there is a short harmony in the end of the chorus, but by now I think you are right that chorus could use some more spice.

@skub: I checked out that genesis album on youtube now, but I think I will have to listen more to find the connection.

@Mora, 2tuoo: I did not try to sound "old" as such, but I get comments like that often. Probably because I listened to 60ies music a LOT when I was younger.... ;-)

@Billsaunders: ha, thanks for that positive comment on my vocals. Yay!

@Paulski: Great that you liked the hook. Back up the lead git - got it.

@WickedDeeds: Thanks a lot for listening, glad you liked it.

@PaulYX: Thanks. another mark for backing vocals - check.

@adamfarr: I was unsure if the title should be criminal offence or lost in the dark, but then I went for the hook line and it is good to hear that worked out for you. thx!

@shadowfax: thanks, I will give polishing a go.

@pompeyjazz: stuck in the head sounds good to me, thanks. Yes, I often find dark lyrics in me to go with jaunty melodies. I like contrast.

Bye Wolfi

[Yodasdad]

I can't quite put my finger on why, but this reminded me a lot of Del Shannon, Runaway in the verses.

I can't really add much to what's already been said. I liked the orchestration, I might consider bringing the strings/synths out bit more and making more of a feature of them.

Good work.

Yodasdad.