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Where Two Forces Meet

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Darren1664

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« on: October 19, 2017, 06:37:26 PM »
Hi

So I wrote this song a while back and recently recorded it. Some useful comment from Adam and vicki got me into thinking about rewriting slightly (I get a bit precious sometimes :P) and so I have tried to give it some new life.

The original lyrics structure and track can be found here for anyone interested

http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?topic=13885.0

Any thought on this greatly appreciated. The song is about how my now wife (then girlfriend) came into my life at a time I most needed someone. Soon after getting together I moved away (pre planned) and the latter half is a reassurance to her that I committed.

Thanks all

Darren

Where Two Forces Meet

I know my head's a mess, it's been that way
since the day I started searching for answers to life's questions
And solutions to its problems with such intensity
That I lost myself in me

I know my life's a mess
but hey, what am I going to do about it now
The damage has already been done


Rain falls from clouds
The sun shines up this land
and where these two forces meet
a wonderful thing is seen
A rainbow brightens up the skies

I know this world's a mess but since that day
that you said you liked me this world has been a better place to be
And I can see a future here for me
And I can feel something real building up inside
I don’t know if I can live with you out there on your own
And I don’t know if you can live without your someone to hold
But, for every day and every night that we spend apart
Mair there’s one thing resounding here in my heart

Rain falls from clouds
The sun shines up this land
and where these two forces meet
a wonderful thing is seen
A rainbow brightens up the skies

If you want me I will give you everything I’ve got
Said if you want this let’s give it everything we’ve got
Every hope, every dream, every smile through every fear
And every tear cried a tear cried for us.

Rain falls from the clouds
the sun shines up this land
And where these two forces meet
a wonderful thing is seen
A rainbow brightens up the skies

A rainbow brightens up the skies
A rainbow brightens up the skies
A rainbow brightens up the skies
A rainbow brightens up the skies

Your warmth seeps into my eyes
Your touch tingles down my spine
Your smile imprints on my mind
As your heart it captures mine

A rainbow brightens up the skies
A rainbow brightens up the skies
A rainbow brightens up the skies
A rainbow brightens up the skies
« Last Edit: October 22, 2017, 01:16:07 PM by Darren1664 »

Vintage54

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« Reply #1 on: October 19, 2017, 08:31:46 PM »

   Hey!
     How could anyone knock this, straight from the heart, a pot of gold at rainbows end. No rhymes, which is hard, but as far as i'm concerned you pulled it off. The refrain is the glue that holds it all together, great stuff. As the man said, "You think the people would have had enough of silly love songs, i look around me and i see it isn't so"

                            Yep!
                              Vintage54

Jackdaw

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« Reply #2 on: October 19, 2017, 08:43:12 PM »
A Rainbow has 7 colours.
7 is the World's most powerful number.
A Rainbow brightens up the Skies...

Alas for me this song come lyrics did not :-(

Kind regards
Jackdaw1888
The Road to Happiness leads nowhere.
Happiness is the Road itself.

diademgrove

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« Reply #3 on: October 20, 2017, 10:22:28 PM »
Hi Darren,

congratulations on getting married.

I'm not sure why you removed " a rainbow brightens up the skies" from the chorus, I thought it worked really well.

I think the lyrics are really strong apart from the first two verses, they just seem to repeat the sentiments in the 3rd long verse which seems to say it so much better. I found the first two verses a distraction from what should be a love song to your wife.

The long third verse seems a bit clunky but it works when you sing it, so no worries there.

Are you intending to re-record the song?

Keith

Darren1664

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« Reply #4 on: October 22, 2017, 01:14:46 PM »
Hey all,

Thank you very much for taking the time to read and feedback on my lyrics. Much appreciated and glad to have some nice comments :)

Hi Darren,

congratulations on getting married.

I'm not sure why you removed " a rainbow brightens up the skies" from the chorus, I thought it worked really well.

I think the lyrics are really strong apart from the first two verses, they just seem to repeat the sentiments in the 3rd long verse which seems to say it so much better. I found the first two verses a distraction from what should be a love song to your wife.

The long third verse seems a bit clunky but it works when you sing it, so no worries there.

Are you intending to re-record the song?

Keith

Thanks Keith!  :)

Well as you mention it, what I read for my speech started from the first chorus onwards, it felt more fitting that way. So now you mention it I could aim to start the song with the refrain. Never done that before but think here it could certainly work.

I dropped the 'rainbow brightens up the skies' from the chorus as I have slightly changed the melody on the chorus and sits better without. But now you have me thinking if I could keep the original chorus and use the new one just at the end to add variation.

Thanks for the input, really helps. And yes I do plan on re recording but only once I am happy lyric and structure wise. Still a few tweaks yet. Once I get there I will lock this and move back to WIPs

Thanks for the helpful advice.

Darren
« Last Edit: October 22, 2017, 01:17:05 PM by Darren1664 »

Jackdaw

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« Reply #5 on: October 22, 2017, 10:12:59 PM »
Hey all,

Thank you very much for taking the time to read and feedback on my lyrics. Much appreciated and glad to have some nice comments :)

Hi Darren,

congratulations on getting married.

I'm not sure why you removed " a rainbow brightens up the skies" from the chorus, I thought it worked really well.

I think the lyrics are really strong apart from the first two verses, they just seem to repeat the sentiments in the 3rd long verse which seems to say it so much better. I found the first two verses a distraction from what should be a love song to your wife.

The long third verse seems a bit clunky but it works when you sing it, so no worries there.

Are you intending to re-record the song?

Keith

Thanks Keith!  :)

Well as you mention it, what I read for my speech started from the first chorus onwards, it felt more fitting that way. So now you mention it I could aim to start the song with the refrain. Never done that before but think here it could certainly work.

I dropped the 'rainbow brightens up the skies' from the chorus as I have slightly changed the melody on the chorus and sits better without. But now you have me thinking if I could keep the original chorus and use the new one just at the end to add variation.

Thanks for the input, really helps. And yes I do plan on re recording but only once I am happy lyric and structure wise. Still a few tweaks yet. Once I get there I will lock this and move back to WIPs

Thanks for the helpful advice.

Darren

Congrats on dropping the Rainbow.
Well done.
7 was never destined to be part of your song.

Jackdaw1888
The Road to Happiness leads nowhere.
Happiness is the Road itself.