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Read October 08, 2017, 02:24:56 PM #0
Darren1664

Where Two Forces Meet (Rough recording)

Hi All

So, I got married. And I decided for my speech I'd share some lyrics from a song I wrote when my wife and I first started dating. It's was about reflecting on my life and also as a reassurance to her that I was committed to our relationship despite in being long distance. It's a rough recording and I'm half happy with it so thought I'd share. Not 'Finished' songs worthy though I'm afraid....but here goes.

Where Two Forces Meet

https://soundcloud.com/user-41129754/where-two-forces-meet

I know my head's a mess
It's been that way
since the day
I started searching
for answers to life's questions
And solutions to its problems
with such intensity
That I lost myself in me

I know my life's a mess
but hey, what am I going to do about it now
The damage has already been done

Rain falls from clouds
The sun shines up this land
and where these two forces meet
a wonderful thing is seen
a rainbow brightens up the skies

I know this world's a mess
But since that day that you said you liked me
This world has been a better place to be
And I can see a future here for me
And I can feel something real building up inside
I don’t know if I can live with you out there on your own
And I don’t know if you can live without your someone to hold
But, for every day and every night that we spend apart
Mair there’s one thing resounding here in my heart
If you want me I will give you everything I’ve got
Said if you want this let’s give it everything we’ve got
Every hope, every dream, every smile through every fear
And every tear cried a tear cried for us.

Rain falls from the clouds
the sun shines up this land
And where these two forces meet
a wonderful thing is seen
A rainbow brightens up the skies

And can you see the analogy?
For, if the sun is you then the rain it’s me
and where these two forces meet
a wonderful thing is seen
Your love brightens up my life

Your warmth seeps into my eyes
Your touch tingles down my spine
Your smile imprints on my mind
As your heart it captures mine

Thanks for listening and any comments welcome Smiley

Darren
« Last Edit: October 08, 2017, 02:27:10 PM by Darren1664 »
 
Read October 09, 2017, 12:17:49 PM #1
adamfarr

Re: Where Two Forces Meet (Rough recording)

Hi Darren
I liked it, rough or not. It took a while to get going, though the self critical part is part of the point and the charm.

I really really like the title - for a marriage it sums up so much. If it were me I don't think I'd actually go as far as explaining the analogy - for the speech I'm sure it would be fine but in the song I think I'd let people work it out! Perhaps you could use that verse to explore other images of two powerful forces combining to create something new? - I dunno, the sea and the land forming a beach, mountains and storms creating a river...

The every tear cried for us is a beautiful line too. Cool song! And congrats to you both!
 
Read October 11, 2017, 12:43:26 AM #2
CaliaMoko

Re: Where Two Forces Meet (Rough recording)

I like this. The lyric is a lot better, in my opinion, than the "typical" love songs (which, I suppose, I'm too old to appreciate! Tongue). I think it has skads Grin of potential.

What I hope you'll do with it is develop the melody so there's good variety, with clear contrast between the verses and the chorus, as well as work on matching the natural rhythms of the phrases in the lyric with phrases in the music. When those two rhythms are at odds, it gives the song an unstable feel, but I see this song leaning more toward a stable theme, even though it has unstable elements (examples: "I know my life's a mess", "I started searching", "The damage has already been done") in it.

So, please keep working on it and I'll look forward to an update at some point. Right?? Grin
 
Read October 11, 2017, 04:13:40 PM #3
Darren1664

Re: Where Two Forces Meet (Rough recording)

Hi Darren
I liked it, rough or not. It took a while to get going, though the self critical part is part of the point and the charm.

I really really like the title - for a marriage it sums up so much. If it were me I don't think I'd actually go as far as explaining the analogy - for the speech I'm sure it would be fine but in the song I think I'd let people work it out! Perhaps you could use that verse to explore other images of two powerful forces combining to create something new? - I dunno, the sea and the land forming a beach, mountains and storms creating a river...

The every tear cried for us is a beautiful line too. Cool song! And congrats to you both!

Thanks for listening Adam and for the constructive comments. I like your ideas and will play around with the last section and see what else sticks. Although I have grown a bit attached to that one Tongue for me the analogy has always been more about referencing Mair as the sun and myself as the Rain. Typically she is a bright bubbly one where as I see myself as the glum and grey one, and in that the lines sort of allude back to the earlier self reflection. But...I value your input so will take your idea on board Smiley

I'm glad you liked it and thanks for the congrats Smiley

Cheers for that Adam and take care

Darren
 
Read October 11, 2017, 04:22:16 PM #4
Darren1664

Re: Where Two Forces Meet (Rough recording)

I like this. The lyric is a lot better, in my opinion, than the "typical" love songs (which, I suppose, I'm too old to appreciate! Tongue). I think it has skads Grin of potential.

What I hope you'll do with it is develop the melody so there's good variety, with clear contrast between the verses and the chorus, as well as work on matching the natural rhythms of the phrases in the lyric with phrases in the music. When those two rhythms are at odds, it gives the song an unstable feel, but I see this song leaning more toward a stable theme, even though it has unstable elements (examples: "I know my life's a mess", "I started searching", "The damage has already been done") in it.

So, please keep working on it and I'll look forward to an update at some point. Right?? Grin

Thanks Vicki. For listening and your kind and helpful comments. Haha, Skads? I don't know this term but sounds funny >.<!

On listening back I agree the melody (and rhythm) could stand out more. I don't value my singing abilities so often write music in a quite monotonous tone. I have tried to get out of this in my newer songs but there can be no harm in trying to rework older songs to add a bit more to them (BTW this is a song from about 6 years ago).

It's really nice and helpful to have the comments from yourself and Adam - helps to see how to develop a song/idea. So thank you -- and yeah, at some point an update Wink with me that's likely to be quite a while from now!

Darren
 
Read October 11, 2017, 08:59:58 PM #5
pompeyjazz

Re: Where Two Forces Meet (Rough recording)

Hi Darren.  First of all congratulations to you and Mrs Darren1664. Secondly, we've missed you bud  Smiley This is such a lovely positive song without being saccharin.  Just coming up to our 30th anniversary so embrace each day together guys and go for it  Smiley
 
Read October 11, 2017, 09:13:29 PM #6
Skub

Re: Where Two Forces Meet (Rough recording)

Congrats on getting happy harryed Darren and commiserations to yer new missus.  Tongue

I could hear this song of yours in a Tom Petty 'Wildflowers' style. It has legs man.  Smiley
 
Read October 12, 2017, 06:54:50 PM #7
Darren1664

Re: Where Two Forces Meet (Rough recording)

Hi Darren.  First of all congratulations to you and Mrs Darren1664. Secondly, we've missed you bud  Smiley This is such a lovely positive song without being saccharin.  Just coming up to our 30th anniversary so embrace each day together guys and go for it  Smiley

Hey Pompey! Thanks mate. Was a mad day for sure Tongue and yes, I have missed being around. Lots to catch up on here but slowly slowly Smiley

Thanks mate. And wow! well done buddy. 30 years...that'll be me in 30 years hopefully Tongue

Thanks for listening and the comments John

Take care buddy

Darren
 
Read October 12, 2017, 06:57:44 PM #8
Darren1664

Re: Where Two Forces Meet (Rough recording)

Congrats on getting happy harryed Darren and commiserations to yer new missus.  Tongue

I could hear this song of yours in a Tom Petty 'Wildflowers' style. It has legs man.  Smiley

Thanks Skub and I will pass your commiserations on Tongue

 That Tom Petty song is beautiful...I wish I could get this track anywhere close to that but you're right this is kind of where I'd like it to get to. Thanks for sharing this...is food for thought Smiley

Take care mate

Darren
 
Read October 19, 2017, 05:31:10 PM #9
Darren1664

Re: Where Two Forces Meet (Rough recording)

OK so thank you all for listening and commenting. Back here to say my thanks again...since your kind comments I have had a stab at rewriting and this song seems to have taken on a new life.

I am going to go back to the start on this and work on lyrics (with the new melody and structure in mind) and then move onto recording. I am trying to me more structured in my work process with this one so see how it goes Smiley

Thanks all

Darren

OH and I will lock this thread now
 
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