[Sentimental]

Hey I'm new to this forum. I would like to improve as a hip hop artist.
I wrote this song because I want to be on the stage one day.
All criticism is welcome. Hope you like it.
Its called winds of change.




Winds of change are walking inside me
Listening to my heart beat feeling my pressure.
I recognize the path a traveled once before.
In the old days I feel them coming faster and faster.
Looking behind me in the memory lane.
Trying to picture future moments of fame.
Days pass by and the winds sound stronger.
They bother and bother colder and colder.
Rhymes start to flow rode opens up.
I'm there coming up, microphone in my hand
Singing with the band. Is it just a dream
Or is it coming true
Winds of change coming through to you.

[CaliaMoko]

I like the visuals I get from this. I noticed a few things...I'll mention the first nit I saw (I don't have time right now to go in depth).

First line has what appears to me to be a mixed metaphor. I suggest changing the winds of change so they aren't walking...as winds would more likely be blowing, I think.

Nice start, though, and I hope to hear it eventually.

Vicki

[Sentimental]

Hey. I like your feedback. Blowing sounds good but I was thinking wispering sounds a little better. Thanks. Returning from work I got inspired for second verse. I hope I'm not spamming.



Winds of change whispering the silent sonata
I'm here...
I cant explain how I feel finally on the stage.
I rage on how simple it seems now,
I cry out for every night I spent to write
I jump with the cheering that leaves
The souls of people I filled with dreams.
Now its all up to me, to be all I can be
I fill the air with words, instrumentals...
binding me to the curves of the world
bringing me to the eyes of history
and fate locks me forever in neverending gaze.


 

[Nicolajane87]

Hi Sentimental,

Great Lyrics, cant wait to hear the full song.

NicolaJane