[PerGunnar]

(Hi! I'm not totally feeling the second verse. Please tell me what you think, especially when it comes to the second verse. Thanks!)


Verse 1:

If you’d be my daily Valentine
I’d love you through flames and fallin’ skies
Each day and every single week
I’d brush a rose on your cheek

And sustain it with a soft kiss
I’d show you what true love is
Deeper than the seven seas

Chorus:

When the sky falls down on me
I’ll keep you in my heart endlessly
Cause I’ll never ever ever leave
My love is deeper than the seven seas

When I look into your eyestars tenderly
You’re beautiful like fine art so heavenly
So I’ll never ever ever leave
My love is deeper than the seven seas

Tag:

Every time I see you I just freeze
You’re beautiful like fine art so heavenly
So I’ll never ever ever leave
My love is deeper than the seven seas

Verse 2:

If I’d make you only fall for me
Your jaw would drop slowly heart-fully
Cause you’re the one I wanna hold
While I’ll tell you you’re so wonderful

I’ll send my love
As far as shooting stars reach
You’ll see the sun beyond the dark mist
Deeper than the seven seas

Bridge:

You’re like a diamond’s core
Others dirt can’t reveal your true colours
You’re darkened, burned like fire coal
And now you can’t trust any others

Chorus:

Verse 3 - Rap:

You make my heart rush like the churning waves
It aches, nothing can quench my burning flames
Your gem hard rough carves soft, within the heart
Your heart drops clinching to my arms, ridding of the scars
Faith’s art brush forms star dust, us written in the stars
You’re hidden in the heart, looking at you like I’m reading beauty's art
Even though your tears are deep as the sea’s void
You’ll leap from real joy, don’t weep, I’m your sweet boy

Chorus:

Tag:

[diademgrove]

I like your lyrics although I have a couple of suggestions you may wish to consider.

I don't think the second verse works, as you suspected. Although it is only the first half off the verse I think is weak. I think there is nothing wrong with it from "I'll send my love".

The lyrics are about what you will do for her if she if she loves you. The first half of the second verse is about her reaction if she says yes. For me it jars against the sentiments expressed in the rest of the song.

The only other line that I'm not keen on is in the bridge. "And now you can't trust any others" sounds controlling to me. Especially as the lyrics don't say very much about her. Its possible that she's been hurt in love and your love is the answer but you don't show us that. Maybe a different song altogether.

Other than those two comments you've written a great set of lyrics.

If you disagree please feel free to ignore me.

Keith