[jacksimmons]

This is a song I've struggled with for a couple of years. It's been recorded twice now and completely remixed two or three times. I hope this is a more definitive version; I am currently working on an album I can offer to musicians in the hopes of forming a band, so what I'd really love is someone who can mix & master this new batch of songs to a professional-ish standard. As it stands, it's sort of a demo but it's the best I can do with my limited production skills (will pay top $$$ for a producer). But anyway...

This is a song I wrote about running away with someone who couldn't quite love me.

https://soundcloud.com/jack-simmons-1/strawberry-season

Lyrics:

Just as the sand all solidified
With the winter ice
Our hearts sparked some fun
Strawberry season we ran away
Yeah, we were the graves
On everybody’s lips
Skipped the train for the morning rain
We watched the news again:
We were ticker tape

Hitler ruined eugenics for everyone
Let’s get a house by the lakeside and have some fun

I know your girl; she’s a friend of mine
She paints the sky in wine
Now she’s in the Tate

Honey, you are the heat of home on the eyes of a blue drunk
I won’t live another day on midnight TV, oh!
And with a sigh I see you've fallen on the floor
And with a bottle of wine, no one wants to be your friend

Brown-eyed girl you are like the news
I need you still
But you are so sad
I’m over you and your feelings now
Yeah, your feelings girl
Swallowed me up

Whoever gave you a camera’s a criminal
Whoever showed you the sky first must love us all
You’re in the garden dreaming while most of us are doomed to politics
And half-wits

Honey, you are the anger in the notes of an old goth
I spend my day trying to unwind but you are in my veins
And with a sigh I see you’ve fallen on the floor
And with a bottle of wine, no one wants to be your friend

No one wants to be your friend, no no no no
Strawberry season, oh yeah
Strawberry season, oh yeah
We dreamt the world away

[redrhodie]

I read your lyrics and thought, wow, really beautiful. I fully expected the music to ruin it. Haha. I guess I'm kind of pessimistic. But turns out it's my lucky day. It's as beautiful sung as it was written.

Thanks for sharing that.

[Paulski]

Hi jack

The performances and vocals are flawless, as we've come to expect from you.
I think the lead vocal is a bit buried in the mix early on but that's an easy fix.
The lyrics were a bit too cryptic for my tastes and you kind of abandoned the hook in the middle section - it was the outer bread of the sandwich instead of the meat IMHO. I thought you said you were a "hook" guy? 

Enjoyed the listen!
Paul

[Skub]

Yo Jack.

I agree with Paul that the vocals are a little deep in the mix and since they are up to your usual great standard,it's a pity to hide the star of the piece.

Quite a 60s sounding song,lots of little things here and there turn back the clock for me.

Everything is in place in the song,it just needs the mix tweaked to give it punch. The whole song is kind of a hook,so I don't miss a main feature. Sometimes it's nice not to conform to the norm,anyway.

Very entertaining and delightfully performed. 

[JoeAntaine]

Cute song. Decent performance. I can't put my finger on it. I don't agree totally with it sounding 60's. I hear almost male Kirsty MacColl which can't be a bad thing.

[Martinswede]

Maybe your song has a bit of a random structure but who cares.

Singing terrific. Music grand.

I'm a big fan of lyrics that are more emotional than stating facts. That holds you inside a world while you listen to the song. Wonderful. Was this how it felt to love?

Is this a Forum Member Cover candidate?

Martin

[shortwhat]

really like the line

'I know your girl; she’s a friend of mine
She paints the sky in wine
Now she’s in the Tate'

think it would serve as a good opening lyric though if I'm honest, the lines;

'Yeah, we were the graves
On everybody’s lips
Skipped the train for the morning rain
We watched the news again:
We were ticker tape'

would suit very well to follow it as well.

I know it messes up your song a little but I think it would then create an excellent first verse, like this:

I know your girl; she’s a friend of mine
She paints the sky in wine
Now she’s in the Tate

Yeah, we were the graves
On everybody’s lips
Skipped the train for the morning rain

We watched the news again:
We were ticker tape'

take it or leave it, nice set of lyrics here though:)

[Wolfini]

This made me think of Kate Bush. I like her music, so that's a good thing.

Great singing, and lots of memorable parts in here.

Very nice! Bye Wolfi

[shadowfax]

there's nothing wrong with your production or your mixing, save your money!!!
very good song and very nicely sang my friend

best, Kevin

[mickyplankton]

Hi Jack. Lovely song. Can't really comment on the production, I think it's pretty good. The rythm section in particular seems a bit more muscular than some of your other tunes. It's very melodic as we've come to expect and the lyrics for me really shine here. Poetic, evocative and really suit the tone of the music. If you are thinking of remixing it, I would possibly slightly shorten the finalae a touch, just to get it closer to a 3 minute pop song, but that's a very subjective view- I always aim for less than 3 minutes myself! Of course it doesn't always end up that way!

[Morefrog Jones]

Nice tune - nice delivery.
Has a retro feel but could not pin it down to any particular style.
Very pleasant.

[Viscount Cramer & His Orchestra]

Very good Jack...real nice vocal...yeah maybe a bit buried who knows...I always make mine too loud!

Everyone else has said all the right stuff so I won't repeat all that...just be critical!

All instrumentation sounds fine though I have to have something to pick on so I'll go for the snare...kind of stood out for me early on so then I couldn't not hear it and wonder if it was right....what the hell do I know.

[jacksimmons]

I read your lyrics and thought, wow, really beautiful. I fully expected the music to ruin it. Haha. I guess I'm kind of pessimistic. But turns out it's my lucky day. It's as beautiful sung as it was written.
Thanks for sharing that.

Thanks a lot! I am glad I didn't disappoint.

The performances and vocals are flawless, as we've come to expect from you.
I think the lead vocal is a bit buried in the mix early on but that's an easy fix.
The lyrics were a bit too cryptic for my tastes and you kind of abandoned the hook in the middle section - it was the outer bread of the sandwich instead of the meat IMHO. I thought you said you were a "hook" guy? 

Thanks Paulski - I guess I am a hook man, but this song is something a little less poppy I think so an obvious 'hook' wasn't quite what I was after. I'd like to know which hook you thought I abandoned though, and maybe I can reincorporate it? I always feel sorry for an abandoned hook

I agree with Paul that the vocals are a little deep in the mix and since they are up to your usual great standard,it's a pity to hide the star of the piece.

Quite a 60s sounding song,lots of little things here and there turn back the clock for me.

Everything is in place in the song,it just needs the mix tweaked to give it punch. The whole song is kind of a hook,so I don't miss a main feature. Sometimes it's nice not to conform to the norm,anyway.

Very entertaining and delightfully performed. 

Thanks a lot Davy - will get to work on correcting the vocal mix straight away. Definitely agree it gets lost hear and there. And yeah, I think this is more of a mixing pot of 'hooks' and little vocal melodies so can see how there's not stand out section.

Cute song. Decent performance. I can't put my finger on it. I don't agree totally with it sounding 60's. I hear almost male Kirsty MacColl which can't be a bad thing.

Thanks. I've (bizarrely) had that before. I'm a massive fan of her album Electric Landlady. Especially the fat vocal harmonies and jangly electric guitar.

Maybe your song has a bit of a random structure but who cares.

Singing terrific. Music grand.

I'm a big fan of lyrics that are more emotional than stating facts. That holds you inside a world while you listen to the song. Wonderful. Was this how it felt to love?

Is this a Forum Member Cover candidate?

I'm glad you are a fan of the lyrics. With this new album I am adapting the lyrics from old & new poetry of mine. I wrote a lot of it while I was in the throes of unrequited love - and a teenager- imagine the angst!

It certainly can be a forum member cover candidate. If you were up for covering it, I'd be honoured

Hi Jack. Lovely song. Can't really comment on the production, I think it's pretty good. The rythm section in particular seems a bit more muscular than some of your other tunes. It's very melodic as we've come to expect and the lyrics for me really shine here. Poetic, evocative and really suit the tone of the music. If you are thinking of remixing it, I would possibly slightly shorten the finalae a touch, just to get it closer to a 3 minute pop song, but that's a very subjective view- I always aim for less than 3 minutes myself! Of course it doesn't always end up that way!

Thanks Micky! Great feedback as always. I know what you mean - I'm really after tight cut pop tunes for this album and every second it ran past 3:30 was making me more and more anxious ahaha. Glad you liked the rhythm section. I was after a beefy drum track to make it drive, because the vocal melody is quite slow and airy.

Very good Jack...real nice vocal...yeah maybe a bit buried who knows...I always make mine too loud!

Everyone else has said all the right stuff so I won't repeat all that...just be critical!

All instrumentation sounds fine though I have to have something to pick on so I'll go for the snare...kind of stood out for me early on so then I couldn't not hear it and wonder if it was right....what the hell do I know.

Thank you! I know what you mean about the snare. Maybe I went too far the other way ahaha. Thanks for the feedback

@Shortwhat - Thanks for your advice on restructuring the lyrics. I agree that would be a good opening line, I may have to have a go at restructuring but would hate to cut anything Glad you enjoyed the words.

@Wolfini, Morefrog Jones & Shadowfax - thanks for your kind words. I'm glad you enjoyed. @Shadowfax - Maybe I'll just get my head down rather than flashing my cash around...

Thank you all x

[Bill Saunders]

Pop music at its best - so, so melodic, holds interest throughout. I absolutely love the backing vocals which are executed to perfection and take this to another level.

The production is excellent and IMHO you don't need any professional help in this regard. If I am being super picky, I do think you need to bring the lead vocal forward just slightly in the mix, perhaps a touch of compression and judicious use of EQ might do it, easily fixed.

Loved listening to this 

[PaulyX]

Really enjoyed this Jack. The lyrics won me over before I'd played it. "Hitler ruined eugenics for everyone" is at once funny and edgy and I liked the ticker tape line a ton as well.  Again I couldn't follow the overall narrative or tell you what the song's about in any specific way, but didn't feel I needed to in order to enjoy it.
Musically, great vocals again, I picked up the ghost of the Smiths in the descending guitar lines. You already know the vocals are a bit quiet but apart from that no crits from me, an elegant slice of intelligent pop that's fizzing with evocative images.