[Hooded Singer]

https://hoodedsinger.bandcamp.com/track/fresh-lemonade

The song I have written is called Fresh Lemonade. It is sort of about rekindling old friendships, acknowledging the bad and starting afresh. I believe the genre would be pop or easy listening. It’s quite a deep and powerful message to me, I don’t know if you will feel the same.

Lyrics:

Fresh lemonade

First time I saw you
In half a decade
The first thing we do
Is drink fresh lemonade
Out on the porch where old memories don't fade

Looking out onto the field
Where we once played
It got older but it's the same
We got older but we're the same

All that's changed is you dropped your nickname

We're just the same
We're just the same
Just the same

Forgive me for walking away
I didn’t know who I was
Until today

The hardest things I had to say
Were said over fresh lemonade
And I owe you an apology
For all the times I pushed you away from me
To me you always stayed true
And I’m so sorry for leaving you

I’m sorry
But I
I am loyal to you

And for everything that we’ve been through
The highs and lows
The ups and downs
I’ve got one thing that I know you want
A glass
A glass of fresh lemonade

I don’t wanna lose you again
I’m sorry for what I said to you my friend
I was in a dark place
I couldn’t see your light
But for the first time in my life it finally feels right
We’re sat back at the porch and drinking fresh lemonade

You showed me that even when times are hard
Even when I am mad
Even when the lemons life gave are bad
You can make fresh lemonade

[Daniel_Young]

I like your voice and can definitely feel the emotions through.

The connection between a Lemonade and a relationship feels nostalgic and personal.
 Life can be bittersweet like a lemon.

In terms of arrangement, in my opinion it would be much better when you'll match both singing and the guitar parts together.

Good luck!

 

[Yodasdad]

Hahaha ... you actually are a hooded singer!

I think there's potential here, the fresh lemonade lyric is unusual and stands out so is quite a good idea for a hook.

Musically I think it needs developing. The guitar and vocal seem quite independent of each other and I think a bit more thought about how the chords relate to the melody or vice versa is needed.

There's quite a mournful, meandering vibe to this and I think it may meander a bit too much for my liking. I think locking down the structure and focusing on repetition and variation a little more will help.

Certainly worth pursuing though.

How many hoodies you got then, I expect a different one each video?

Yodasdad

[Hooded Singer]

Hahaha ... you actually are a hooded singer!

How many hoodies you got then, I expect a different one each video?

It's the biggest expense of the hobby after guitars and amps.

plz donate hoodies or buy tracks https://hoodedsinger.bandcamp.com/track/fresh-lemonade

ty

[Hooded Singer]

I like your voice and can definitely feel the emotions through.

Thanks man

[Oldbutyet]

Hey Hooded Singer, you're flowing way within your style to much within, your fingers are playing and your vocals are singing but hey man they're flowing on different flows, ive a lyric if you're interested in getting your fingers thoughts and vocals flowing   

[Cawproductions]

Dude,

The idea is a great one. I can definitely hear a finished tune in there.

The guitar is a little strange in style but I did like the tone. Vocally, OK, I am not going to lie, it needs work in both phrasing and deliverance,

BUT
What you have there my friend is the makings of a nice song.
Work with it and I am sure it will come through for you.

Nice work Hooded Singer.

[Hooded Singer]

Dude,

The idea is a great one. I can definitely hear a finished tune in there.

The guitar is a little strange in style but I did like the tone. Vocally, OK, I am not going to lie, it needs work in both phrasing and deliverance,

BUT
What you have there my friend is the makings of a nice song.
Work with it and I am sure it will come through for you.

Nice work Hooded Singer.

Thanks for the feedback.

[PopTodd]

I'll be honest with you: this is not a finished song.
As other folks have said, there is a lot of potential here, and I completely agree with that assessment. But right now, this is a sketch at best.
Reminds me of nothing so much as one of those song sketches that Guided By Voices uses to segue between their more-completed songs on their lo-fi albums back in the 90s. And I am a huge GBV fan, so this is not an insult. Thing is, I think that, with some fleshing out, this CAN be one of the featured songs and not a snippet.
Work it up, Hoodie! See what you can do!

[PaulyX]

Hi!
I think you posted a similar track a while back?  I remember it because the lemonade references stuck with me.  (That's a good sign).
In my opinion the lyrics to this are strong.  I like the way you don't go too deep into the 'backstory' of what was said and done between the two characters, but keep bringing it back to that nice simple image of sitting on the porch.  That's a nice balance, and allows the listener to imagine what else has gone on.
I've got to agree though that the delivery at present doesn't do the strong lyrics justice.  I can't hear much melody in your voice and the guitar playing seems a bit idiosyncratic.  It is certainly a unique delivery and if that's the style you're after, it for sure stands out, but personally I think it is so far from convention right now it would leave a lot of listeners non-plussed.  I really hope you stick with it though and give this one another pass with more focus on the melody and maybe try some more conventional guitar playing on it, since those lyrics certainly deserve it.
Good luck with it.

[Hooded Singer]

I'll be honest with you: this is not a finished song.

Savage

[PopTodd]

I'll be honest with you: this is not a finished song.

Savage

Not intended to be savage, as you can tell by the rest of my commentary. I just think that you can (should) put a little more time into it and make it into the song that it can be.
It sounds like you wanted to rush out your newest tune. Frankly, I have to fight those same urges every day. And, sometimes I fail. I'm getting better about it though.
You are obviously a talented songwriter that just needs to develop a little patience and learn, not to edit yourself, so much as proofread. At least in this instance.

Does that makes any sense?

[Hooded Singer]

I'll be honest with you: this is not a finished song.

Savage

Not intended to be savage, as you can tell by the rest of my commentary. I just think that you can (should) put a little more time into it and make it into the song that it can be.
It sounds like you wanted to rush out your newest tune. Frankly, I have to fight those same urges every day. And, sometimes I fail. I'm getting better about it though.
You are obviously a talented songwriter that just needs to develop a little patience and learn, not to edit yourself, so much as proofread. At least in this instance.

Does that makes any sense?

Yes haha, I was just messing with you.