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October 21, 2017, 05:21:22 PM
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Read September 05, 2017, 09:48:35 PM #0
Threepwood

lazyfish guesthouse - well song (demo)

Hello all...
I'm a 29 year old male looking to get more into songwriting. I've wanted to for so long, and have been singing for a long time, but honestly; I don't have discipline, and that has made it difficult for me to be persistent about things I've wanted to be good at in general. Lately though - as in very recently - a lot of stuff has happened in my life and that has given me a drive to just push forward. I would like to get some feedback from the beginning on, so this is like one of my first songs ever, as I've mostly had unfinished drafts in my 'repertoire' since recently.


Fav bands are such as: Radiohead, Jeff Buckley, Swans, Neutral Milk Hotel, Can, Pink Floyd, Godspeed You! Black Emperor, King Crimson...

I think this song could be classified as progressive rock, but I honestly don't know.

https://soundcloud.com/user-90009141/well-song/s-f930A

Lyrics:

You'll learn to dwell
Trapped inside a well
How fragile the layers 'low the surface
Feeling worthless...
And where I envy those without a family
And a distant voice, speaks of selfish joy
Unveiling, what you could not forgive me
The reality... behind your walking wall of words of self-delusion
Yeah, I hear them...
In fact the sounds outside echo a million times in this place I've drowned
Circlin' round and round
And though the spinning stops, I'm still never getting up from this hell hole
Full of self-loathing... and my eye widen up the cracks
And you call me... How it warms me
Please don't ever leave I need you here to wait
As I fade away
I'm sorry, my love, for what you might find
In a tortured mind.
Forever, below you in the dark.

-----Break-----

Shaky... and I worry
Is there a warranty inside the law of the dead that explains this mess... and the injustice
That calls so long we never notice
That we're worthless
As the world go round we're already in the ground and fading slow
In the wind's echoes
Till we yearn for the day it all collapses.. on our faithless heads
But I care, how I can't
Shake that nothing cures the pining
For what's lost and gone and wasted and wrong
I'm so scared
To go nowhere
Being trapped... in the blue.. till the black



« Last Edit: October 14, 2017, 09:35:41 PM by Threepwood »

Happiness is a warm manatee
 
Read September 07, 2017, 04:04:22 PM #1
Darren1664

Re: lazyfish guesthouse - well song (demo)

Hi Threepwood

Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing your work Smiley

I actually listened to this last night but got interrupted by a phone call from my Mum (How dare she..) before posting my comments and they didn't save. Anyway I see the track isn't available anymore so can't refresh my squid so will write what I remember Smiley

First off the lyrics were dark but very intriguing. I really liked them and thought they worked really well with the track. The track itself did remind me somewhat of Radiohead in ways but was very much it's own thing. I thought the guitar playing was really good and I enjoyed the fuzzy section in the middle but not so much in the lengthy fade out.

Your vocal was the stand out for me because, although the song didn't have a chorus as such, the song builds and varies through your vocal delivery which I thought was quite powerful.

I like the song and thinks this has great potential.

Thanks for sharing

Darren

 
Read September 07, 2017, 10:38:37 PM #2
Threepwood

Re: lazyfish guesthouse - well song (demo)

Wow, thanks a lot Darren. To be honest I took it down because I thought no one was gonna reply anyways. But now I'll think about uploading more songs here in the future Smiley and also become better at reviewing everyone else's stuff. I actually listened to quite a few songs in this section and the 'Finished songs' section and thought there was a lot of interesting stuff there.

But thanks again, man, means a lot!


Happiness is a warm manatee
 
Read September 08, 2017, 12:33:51 PM #3
PaulyX

Re: lazyfish guesthouse - well song (demo)

Hey Threepwood, welcome.  Love the sound of your influences!
You'll for sure get more replies from the forum in time if you post your track again and leave it up longer.
Jump on in.
Pauly


It's all too beautiful.
 
Read September 10, 2017, 09:50:32 PM #4
Threepwood

Re: lazyfish guesthouse - well song (demo)

Hey PaulyX.
I wouldn't know if they're all influences as much as they're just among favourite bands, like I said.
But yeah, thanks for the advice, I've put the song and the lyrics up again, also in the first post.

https://soundcloud.com/user-90009141/well-song/s-f930A

Still fumbling around with the outro.. it's pretty random.
« Last Edit: October 14, 2017, 09:36:09 PM by Threepwood »

Happiness is a warm manatee
 
Read September 10, 2017, 10:27:47 PM #5
Jay-morris

Re: lazyfish guesthouse - well song (demo)

I really like this track. Your voice is great. At first I thought you sounded like the lead singer from Interpol, but other moments your voice reminded me of Jeff Buckley. The guitar sounds great! A lot of emotion in your voice and playing. Loved the lyrics too.

Cannot wait to hear more of your music

 
Read September 11, 2017, 01:11:51 PM #6
Threepwood

Re: lazyfish guesthouse - well song (demo)

Thanks a lot, Jay-morris. I wish to share more on this forum soon. Thanks for your kind words.


Happiness is a warm manatee
 
Read September 11, 2017, 10:02:30 PM #7
Silver Machine

Re: lazyfish guesthouse - well song (demo)

Great performance man! You broke my emotionometer dude. Shattered it with that awesome vocal.
Its punk, its prog, its Muse on multivits busking in a subway!
Would be monstrous with a band behind it.
 
Read September 13, 2017, 09:27:58 PM #8
Threepwood

Re: lazyfish guesthouse - well song (demo)

Thanks a bunch, Silver Machine. I dig the way you express yourself Smiley


Happiness is a warm manatee
 
Read September 14, 2017, 08:33:41 PM #9
Darren1664

Re: lazyfish guesthouse - well song (demo)

Wow, thanks a lot Darren. To be honest I took it down because I thought no one was gonna reply anyways. But now I'll think about uploading more songs here in the future Smiley and also become better at reviewing everyone else's stuff. I actually listened to quite a few songs in this section and the 'Finished songs' section and thought there was a lot of interesting stuff there.

But thanks again, man, means a lot!

You're welcome mate. Really pleased you got it back up and yes! get more up please Wink and yeah don't worry about the reviewing you will get used to it. I found it hard at first but seem to have found my groove. Glad you're sticking around. Darren
 
Read September 18, 2017, 10:51:53 PM #10
redrhodie

Re: lazyfish guesthouse - well song (demo)

Woah. That's a lot of tension you got there. Pretty relentless song. I think that's what you were going for. It's like those times when you just want life to be easy, but it keeps getting harder. And harder. And harder. Good job.



Life is just a dream.
 
Read October 11, 2017, 08:16:31 AM #11
PENKSLYRICS

Re: lazyfish guesthouse - well song (demo)

Great lyrics, very intriguing and thought provoking. After reading the comments, I would like to hear it, can you repost it on soundcloud.
 
Read October 11, 2017, 10:34:24 AM #12
The S

Re: lazyfish guesthouse - well song (demo)

Yeah, I think we've all been there sort of, first time I posted a song here, and hadn't got a single answer after 2 hours (hehe) of waiting patiently constantly refreshing the site, I also almost deleted my post thinking why on earth would I've thought that anybody would be interested in listening to my songs. (I was so eager to get feedback I forgot that people have lives outside this forum, so feedback might take days occasionally though without ill intent.) But I took a deep breath and waited some more and the turnout and following feedback was well worth the wait.

This is a great place. Give it time to get to know people some more and you'll find out.

Oh, and after reading all comments, I of course wanna hear the song. Link doesn't work unfortunately!!!

...and welcome to the site!  Cheesy

Cheers,

Peter
 
Read October 14, 2017, 09:50:56 PM #13
Threepwood

Re: lazyfish guesthouse - well song (demo)

@redrhodie - Pretty late on this one, but thanks for your reply. I think you're pretty accurate about what I was going for. Hadn't really thought about it...

@penkslyrics and the s - Thanks for your interest in the song, got it up again, here's the link: https://soundcloud.com/user-90009141/well-song/s-f930A

Hopefully I'll upload some new stuff soon.. Have to finish the majority of some lyrics first, it's always the hardest most frustrating part.
« Last Edit: October 14, 2017, 09:52:33 PM by Threepwood »

Happiness is a warm manatee
 
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