I quite like this.
It comes off as a piss take of the fanciful lens of the American dream. References to material goods in the intro, the fact that periods of time are repeated, “When you go to sleep tonight” and “ Another day // The day after tomorrow” alongside variations on “Just Work a little harder boy” getting repeatedly more goading is very subtle, but effective. Day in, day out, work and work and work harder.
I could be very wrong about your intentions with the song, but the fact that it’s open to interpretation is a testament to it alone. But if I am right, I think that towards the end where the lyrics are a bit more pushy about saying “Come on, work a little harder boy,” I think that your most telling verse
“Live to try, don’t cry if you fail
The stars that shine are right on your tail
If you feel it’s the graft that you can’t stand
I’ll be waiting by your side for you to take my hand”
Could perhaps return, at least in part? Somewhat more abusive, or letting in on the fact that actually, no-one will take his hand.
“Live to try, don’t cry if you fail
Time is money, your life’s on-sale
Don’t collapse from the graft and extend your hand
We’ll only love while you meet our demands”
However you’d like to do it of course, but that could highlight the twist in theme towards the end, which I think would be really cool. Nice work! ^.^
