Hello Piano

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Paulski

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« on: August 16, 2017, 10:46:10 PM »
So this is a piano/vocal piece - any advice is welcome  ;D

Hello Piano
 Copyright (c) 2017 Tennyson Road Music 

 Hello Piano
 May I sit with you a spell?
 My mind's been through a lot today
 But my heart has been though hell
 Your keys feel so familiar in my hands
 It's so nice to find you waiting here
 To comfort an old friend

 Oh, my Piano
 That funeral was tough
 The more I tried to hold my tears
 The more they wouldn't stop
 And people searching for a caring word
 Just echoed "Sorry for your loss"
 Their eyes fixed on the floor

 {pre}
 But you know what I came here for..

 {ch}
 Let's play a song that lifts us far from here
 That frolics in fond memories, and lives in joyful years
 We'll leave this sad and senseless day behind
 For at least a little time
 At least a little time...

 So now, Piano
 Guess I'll close you now and go
 Though I'd love to spend forever here
 There are those I must console
 You've helped me keep this darkened cloud at bay
 Consumed me with your magic
 Just like every time we play

 So I'll be back here soon, to say..

 Hello Piano
 Let's play a song that lifts us far from here
 That frolics in fond memories, and lives in joyful years
 We'll leave this sad and senseless world behind
 For at least a little time
 At least a little time

CaliaMoko

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« Reply #1 on: August 17, 2017, 03:06:07 AM »
I like this a lot. It totally suits my mood these days. I didn't notice anything really that struck me as wrong or awkward. I'm not completely sold on the phrase "darkened cloud" but I don't know what would work instead. And the rest is inspired.

Vicki

PaulAds

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« Reply #2 on: August 17, 2017, 11:24:35 AM »
Unmistakably Paulski.

I used to feel the same about my pillow...the only place my face seemed to fit, etc  :)

Anyway...this is really good and I know for a fact it'll make a great song that deserves a much wider audience.

You know the Irving Berlin song "I love a piano"? I'm sure you'll know it...the Tony Bennett version with the Ralph Sharon trio...That's great too.

This might wind up better, though  :)
heart of stone, feet of clay, knob of butter

rightly

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« Reply #3 on: August 17, 2017, 01:20:31 PM »
lovely.
a song dedicated to your piano.
Fine lyrics indeed!
It's either this or that, then again it might be the other. 

I can promise you a future of slow decline.

Don't eat the yellow snow

And there you have it. 

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https://soundcloud.com/rightly

hardtwistmusic

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« Reply #4 on: August 17, 2017, 04:53:50 PM »
One word.  WONDERFUL. 

Nothing else I can say will add anything worthwhile.
www.reverbnation.com/hardtwistmusicsongwriter

Verlon Gates  -  60 plus years old.

Cazrolina

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« Reply #5 on: August 18, 2017, 12:05:47 AM »
Amazing. Will work beautifully with some tinkling of the ivorys, of course. Great work :)
Caz
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josemar

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« Reply #6 on: August 18, 2017, 02:22:04 PM »
Great idea,
the word ivories, could rhyme well with 'here' or ''will you please''

Pawy

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« Reply #7 on: August 19, 2017, 07:07:10 PM »
These lyrics are AMAZING. They made me feel sad and everything. Just one thought that I had while reading the first verse: do you think it would sound better if you changed "but" for "and" where it says "my mind's been through a lot today BUT my heart has been through hell"? It feels like your mind doesn't feel as bad, if that makes sense (maybe it is what you're trying to say). Anyway, it's something very small and silly, still I wanted to let you know (:

adamfarr

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« Reply #8 on: August 21, 2017, 01:20:33 PM »
Just the right tone for me and super flow.

My initial reaction was that the word "funeral" was unnecessary as you then go on to explain what has happened. Suggestions? That last goodbye? (bit cliche?), That churchyard scene? (bit too churchy?)... not sure...

But you really take us to a particular situation and person, great storytelling.

Paulski

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« Reply #9 on: August 23, 2017, 05:31:46 PM »
@CaliaMoko - Thanks Vicki. Yes I think that is a weak spot at "darkened cloud" but I couldn't do better at the time - maybe sth will come to me when I sing it  ;D

@PaulAds - cheers Paul - I'll check out that song - I love Tony Bennet's voice - but I doubt mine will be better  ;D

@Rightly - thanks! Yes I have a lot of respect for my piano - even though he's always "hammered"  ;D

@hardtwistmusic - thanks Verlon - means a lot to get your thumb pointed upward  ;D

@Cazrolina - thanks for the kind words!

@josemar - cheers for the nice remarks. Thankfully they don't make keys out of dead elephants anymore but I see your point about rhyming  ;D

@Pawy - thank you! You're probably right about those lines. I meant to convey that his mind had been through nothing compared to his heart but maybe I need to reword it a bit.

@adamfarr - cheers Adam. Good point - maybe I'll change that line to "That service was so tough" Funeral is hard to sing so I was even thinking of talking it.

josemar

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« Reply #10 on: August 24, 2017, 02:12:50 PM »
ha ha, I didn't think of that!

JoeAntaine

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« Reply #11 on: September 01, 2017, 04:00:36 AM »
Old timey musical feel. Oh piano I felt is misplaced in the verse bar that it fits the genre well.

Wicked Deeds

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« Reply #12 on: September 25, 2017, 04:18:09 PM »
Fine words as always Paulski.  They invited me to think of Jon Denver's dog This Old Guitar. Both embraced the theme of a musical instrument and old friend that has been there through the worst and best of times.

Well done!

mickyplankton

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« Reply #13 on: September 25, 2017, 10:44:16 PM »
Love it. My first instrument was a piano. I only got to grade 5 and I can now only play by ear in an amateur fashion but I can totally appreciate your love for this instrument.

CaliaMoko

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« Reply #14 on: September 25, 2017, 11:38:29 PM »
@CaliaMoko - Thanks Vicki. Yes I think that is a weak spot at "darkened cloud" but I couldn't do better at the time - maybe sth will come to me when I sing it  ;D

Some ideas for "darkened":
gloomy
dismal
wretched
sorry
murky
dreary
leaden
turbid
blackened
angry
desolate
downcast
heavy
stormy

For your perusing pleasure, and in case any of them trigger a thought or idea.