konalavadome

18 - new song in the making?

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exfairy

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« on: August 13, 2017, 10:41:33 PM »
Hi, been away for a while - just holiday and lack of inspiration really. But I just wrote a new song. I'm not too sure about it but would love to hear thoughts. This is literally just more like an idea track. I feel like the bridge is weird. And I'm unsure on the lyrics. Critique welcome :)

LINK: https://soundcloud.com/exfairy/18a/s-kOfIQ

(context - if you're interested - i'm turning 19 tomorrow and the song's just reflecting on how this year's been. how i've been expected to know all of these things but no one's telling them or how i can find them out - really just about struggling with the transition to being a grown up. whoop)

Lyrics:
So you have a job now
you can vote now
you can buy a house and drive a car
but that doesn’t mean you’ll go too far

so you live on your own now
does that automatically mean you know how
I don’t think these obvious rules
are taught in school

do you know what you want
do you now use a boring font
how does a day make a difference, which menu you choose
how does a day make a difference
I don’t think it should
no I don’t think it should

you don’t always have to do as you’re told
it’s easier than when you’re old
you’re young and free
so do what needs be

it can be hard I know especially when you’re not alone
so I talk to
the rulers over us
can we sit and discuss

do you know what you want
do you now use a boring font
how does a day make a difference, which menu you choose
how does a day make a difference
I don’t think it should
no I don’t think it should

we need time/ to learn/ and grow/ forcing change on us makes us feel more alone

i don't know what i want
i'm forced to use a boring font
how does a day make a difference, which menu I choose
how does a day make a difference
I don't think it should
no i don't think it should.

Oldbutyet

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« Reply #1 on: August 13, 2017, 11:27:32 PM »
First of all singing clever lyrics i like them a lot, on recording theres a verse there (the second verse before the second chorus) that i think didn't work very well with the flow now im not saying it shouldn't be in the song im talking about the flow here, what im saying is it feels like the second chorus only needs one verse to get to, these are just my thoughts others will come in with theirs and see what works best for you, as i said clever lyrics and sung with style really well   8)

So you have a job now
you can vote now
you can buy a house and drive a car
but that doesn’t mean you’ll go too far

so you live on your own now
does that automatically mean you know how
I don’t think these obvious rules
are taught in school

do you know what you want
do you now use a boring font
how does a day make a difference, which menu you choose
how does a day make a difference
I don’t think it should
no I don’t think it should

you don’t always have to do as you’re told
it’s easier than when you’re old
you’re young and free
so do what needs be

do you know what you want
do you now use a boring font
how does a day make a difference, which menu you choose
how does a day make a difference
I don’t think it should



shadowfax

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« Reply #2 on: August 15, 2017, 02:54:54 PM »
Very charming song..lyrics need sorting to flow better and some practice on the timing would be good...

but your just starting out and we've all been there... :) :) :)

best, Kevin :)
Soundcloud Shadowfax6

from the nightmare!

Skub

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« Reply #3 on: August 15, 2017, 10:15:16 PM »
The ideas for a song are all there,I can hear it sung in the style of Alannis Morrisette. I like your voice. When you stop being timid and use it with a little more confidence,good things will happen.

Believe in yourself.  :)

PaulyX

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« Reply #4 on: August 16, 2017, 08:45:56 AM »
Hey Exfairy, yep I liked this too, mostly because of your very good and emotive voice. It does sound very much like a 'first take' at present though (I guess it was ?) - some of the ideas in here like the break down and increasing tempo towards the end are a bit hard to assess at the minute as timing and delivery are a bit wobbly.  But I think there's a very good song in here if you put the time in to realise your ideas a bit more tightly. Have you got something you can multi-track on?
It's all too beautiful.

Eline97

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« Reply #5 on: August 16, 2017, 09:45:33 AM »
Hi! I like the song, although I think you could make it a lot better if you record it in several parts. There's a lot of good stuff in there! For example, I like the ukelele, your lyrics are good, the song type reminds me a bit of Grace Vanderwaal. As for the bridge, I'd lay down the song for a couple of days and then get back to it - that almost always works for me if I'm stuck on a song. Looking forward to hear an updated version sometime!

exfairy

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« Reply #6 on: August 16, 2017, 10:32:42 AM »
Thank you for the replies! I uploaded a slightly updated version on my YouTube channel a few days ago but I will definitely get to recording a better one soon :)


Oldbutyet

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« Reply #7 on: August 22, 2017, 05:41:20 AM »
Okay first part much better but after second chorus you're going down to deep into your lyrics, you need to hit the chorus after whatever, you got to remember an audience has been there done that or are this very moment   8)

Also you need to buy yourself a mic.