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Read August 10, 2017, 06:48:11 PM #0
Rightly

The End Of The War

My attempt at a political song.
I'm quite happy with the music for it.  
I'll try to get a seemingly naive hippy looking girl to record it. it'll be poppy
being the tough guy that I am, if I don't get a girl to sing it I'll have to change the bridge. lol.

feel free to comment and even add to it.
____________________________________________




The End Of The War


There are people in the street
One single voice can be heard
All eyes are wide but they don't see
Revolution does not mean
The end of the war
The end of the war

Kings of the world 'round these parts
grab all the money and run
And soon after times get hard
they're on to us with loan-sharks
Take all the money and run,
don't stand for what they've done

In another world, the smell of your hair,
 the touch of your skin, are neither here nor there
So where am i to begin, for whom am I to care?

It came to me in a dream
and I believe ev'ry word
No common ground in between
and only the dead have seen
The end of the war
The end of the war

Revolution means nothing
and only the dead have seen
The end of the war
The end of the war
The. . . . .  end of. . . . the.  war



____________________

Another minor edit. Getting there.
I'm keeping this one simple, looking for variations in the chords to make it unique.  
« Last Edit: August 14, 2017, 12:03:12 AM by Rightly »

 
Read August 11, 2017, 07:14:05 AM #1
diademgrove

Re: The End Of The War

Your words flow nicely and as a song they work.

Your lyrics seem to read nothing will change so don't bother trying. I wouldn't see it as a political song though. I'm sure that's just me so feel free to ignore me.

I didn't see anything soppy in the song. If the section starting "In a darker world..." is the bridge I would say the message isn't what I'd expect a naïve hippy looking girl to sing.

Will you be recording it shortly?

Keith
 
Read August 11, 2017, 12:36:26 PM #2
Rightly

Re: The End Of The War

Hi Keith.  Thanks for the feedback.  
As I want someone else to record it I should have a demo up soon. I generally don't like uploading rougher demos but I think I'll make an exception here.

The message of the song isn't about doing nothing!

It doesn't offer a final solution but does constructively take note that life doesn't come without conflict and suffering.  
The Buddha says this too.
 There are ways to alleviate this suffering but they aren't always obvious.
 The end of life is the is the end of suffering (at least according to this narration) the death of the ego too.
The Buddhists love this stuff. Lol.

All The Best Keith!
. .  Rightly. 
« Last Edit: August 11, 2017, 12:43:07 PM by Rightly »

 
Read August 11, 2017, 01:02:56 PM #3
Paulski

Re: The End Of The War

Hey Rightly

Really liked this one.
There are so many word-salads out there that wouldn't deserve to lick this lyric's boots  Grin
"End" and "War" in the title and hook are so enticing to everyone - such elusive words with no hard consonants. The only sugg I can think of is "Grab" instead of "Take" - I saw an image of a shark grabbing its prey.

No other nits
Fine writing!  Grin
Paul
 
Read August 12, 2017, 07:03:05 PM #4
Pawy

Re: The End Of The War

"There are people in the street
One single voice can be heard
All eyes are wide but they don't see
Revolution does not mean
The end of the war
The end of the war"


The very first verse is what I liked the most. It's too real. Good writing (:
 
Read August 13, 2017, 07:41:14 PM #5
Rightly

Re: The End Of The War

Hey Rightly

Really liked this one.
There are so many word-salads out there that wouldn't deserve to lick this lyric's boots  Grin
"End" and "War" in the title and hook are so enticing to everyone - such elusive words with no hard consonants. The only sugg I can think of is "Grab" instead of "Take" - I saw an image of a shark grabbing its prey.

No other nits
Fine writing!  Grin
Paul

Thank you for the compliment, it means something coming from you. 
I'll change the first take to grab, the second take is when the narrator has regained his composure.  I keen to get this recorded, it's simple but effective. 
Still I'm happy to take more time with it. I've written so many songs.  I really want to make some to still resonate  after I die. . 
I won't be going anywhere soon, God willing.
Stay tuned. Rightly. 
 
Read August 15, 2017, 11:36:10 AM #6
PaulAds

Re: The End Of The War

Very nice piece of writing...it can be so difficult to write this kind of thing...it will trip up many an accomplished songwriter.

But not you  Smiley

Top drawer.


heart of stone, feet of clay, knob of butter
 
Read August 21, 2017, 12:28:49 PM #7
Rightly

Re: The End Of The War

Very nice piece of writing...it can be so difficult to write this kind of thing...it will trip up many an accomplished songwriter.

But not you  Smiley

Top drawer.

Thanks for the kind words dude.
I'm still learning to play it but it's all there. A fast write.
I find the performance has to be right, tempo, intonation. i suppose you're right, it's easy to mess up!
 
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